


The Past Never Dies

by lulublue1234



Category: K-pop, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Angst, Bondage, Depression, Dominance, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Explicit Sexual Content, Friendship/Love, Healing, Humor, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Romance, Rough Oral Sex, Rough Sex, Sadness, Sex Toys, Sexual Tension, Tsunderes, Whipping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-13
Updated: 2017-04-18
Packaged: 2018-04-14 10:24:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 23
Words: 49,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4561011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lulublue1234/pseuds/lulublue1234
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pairing: Jungkook and Taehyung (Vkook)</p><p>Rating: PG - M </p><p>Summary: Jungkook realizes the past never actually dies when Taehyung is back in his life after seven years.</p><p>Notes: Jungkook thought he had buried all the memories, but the moment he comes face to face with Taehyung he realizes the past never dies. And it brought back with it the pain and hurt Jungkook thought he had let go off.  Jungkook has never been good in making right choices and falls back into a pattern of bad behavior to mask the ache in his soul.</p><p>Warnings: Angst and a whole lot of sexual tension. It's a tsundere story. Where Taehyung tries to right his wrongs, but Jungkook is broken seemingly beyond repair. There will be some triggers namely: violence, suicidal thoughts, and a possible a near-rape (but I am not sure about the last one). The chapters will have warnings so there will be no surprises.  </p><p>Preview: The younger man runs his hand through his hair. He is shaken to his core. This moment can't be happening. He can’t be living here, invading his space. His mind is reeling, and only one sentence seems to be running through it.<br/>Holy f**k!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Surprise Encounters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taehyung moves into his new building only to realize his past is there waiting for him.

Taehyung noticed the man jogging as he drove behind the moving van.

“Mmmm, maybe this neighborhood won’t be so bad after all,” the man says to himself as he pulls the sports car to a stop outside the very exclusive apartment complex.

For all its glitz and conveniences, the building wasn’t Taehyung’s style. He really wanted a simply condo on the outskirts of town, but his father insisted.

“You are the heir to the largest conglomerate in all of Asia, whether you like it or not Taehyung that requires you to maintain certain appearances.”

His father was not saying those words to be cocky or condescending, and Taehyung knew it. The man was being honest if the stock holder’s or the board viewed Taehyung as weak, then they would think he was a pushover and question his ability to run Kimcorp.

With his father’s deteriorating health now more than ever, Taehyung needed a strong front, which is why he was now the new occupant of Penthouse C in the Gangnam district's newest smart apartments.

He stepped out of the car and sighed at the building. Taehyung grew up rich but never bought in the glamor of it all. Though he lived the lifestyle with ease and grace, he always felt more comfortable at his friends homes than his own. Taehyung parents were not overbearing in any way, but their status called for a particular way of life.

They did teach their children that life was more than money and that people should not be judged by what they have. Which was the opposite of what society and most circles of his social strata taught.

He sighs runs his hand through his hair and walks through the door of the palatial apartment complex.

“Mr. Kim,” we weren’t expecting you so soon,” the frazzled manager greets him at the door.

“I wasn’t aware that I had a specific time to move into my home,” the younger man does not mean to sound as curt as he did. He just hated special treatment.

The man apologizes, and Taehyung immediately feels sorry for his tone.

“No, it’s my fault. It’s been a very busy week. I know the plan was for me to move in tomorrow, but I have several meetings that I can’t miss and decided to move it up a day. I hope that’s alright?” The younger man states in a half-apologetic half authoritative tone.

“Of course, of course,” the manager answers a little too quickly. “I’ll take you to your suite. Manager Park, please escort the movers to the service elevators.

“Yes, sir,” a tall, lanky man who seemed only a little older than Taehyung, with a ginormous smile and extraordinarily large ears answers. The man is so focused on Taehyung that he nearly trips on his way out the door, and Taehyung doesn’t know why, but he likes the young manager immediately.

_Mmm, now I have two reasons to not hate this neighborhood._

He follows the older man to the elevators.

 

Jungkook loves running it’s the best way to clear his mind. The fact that it helps maintain his splendid physique is just a bonus. Today he needed a good run. He feels aggravated and oddly he has no idea why, okay maybe that’s a lie. But the fact that he does know why bothers him more.

_Why the hell was he back?_

It’s been seven years since they last saw each other. Seven years since Jungkook had even thought about the man. He should be over it by now, he should not still be affected. But ever since hearing the news that the man was back from wherever the hell he had been for the last, however, many years, Jungkook’s whole world had been turned upside down.

_F**k why does this still bother me? I didn’t even really know him seven years ago. It was just a stupid one sided crush._

The dark haired man picks up the pace. He needs a good swim after this the run alone did not seem to be enough.

He takes another lap around the park. He turns his music up to and lets the words of the song swim over him, Epik High’s, Run, is a favorite and right now the words are very apropos.

Because Jungkook is running in an attempt to run away from what is currently plaguing him.

He is drenched by the time he makes it to the apartment complex. He stops outside to stretch and notices the moving truck.

New tenants were a rarity, given the high price to live here, and the strict rules for admittance. He wonders who the new neighbor could be.

_Movie Star, Politician?_

It doesn’t matter it’s not as though he will be trying to make contact. He continues with his stretching. His body feels a little achy after the intense run. He hadn’t meant to push himself so hard, but his mind was just so jumbled, and exercise normally helps.

Jungkook decides to head straight for the pool area, he’ll hit the sauna first working out his sore muscles then jump in the pool to refresh himself.

He puts the earbuds back in and walks past the elevators toward the gym.

The elevator doors open as soon as Jungkook passes them, he doesn’t notice due to the music blasting in his head. Taehyung looks up as soon as the doors open and is euphoric when he realizes that the jogger from earlier not only lives in the same neighborhood but the same building.

The man is beautiful, no scratch that, he's hot as Hades; the kind of hot that would burn anyone who touches. His lean and toned muscular frame compliments his honey colored skin, and the lighting makes him appear as if he's radiating. The muscles in his legs flex as he walks, and the sight is so addictive that Taehyung finds it almost impossible to look away. Taehyung has to force himself to turn away from the man before his mind took him to a place that he should not travel to with someone whose name he doesn’t even know.

“What’s over there?” He asks the manager pointing in the direction the jogger was going? Although what he really wanted to ask was, who was that?

“Oh, that’s the gym and pool area. After you are settled in I can give you a tour of all the amenities. I think you will find that apart from going to work, you’ll never really need to leave the premises.” The man smiles with pride.

Taehyung smiles back.

 

The heat of the sauna felt good, but the refreshing coolness of the water was what finally cleared all the cobwebs from Jungkook’s mind. He gets out of the pool and lays on the ground for a bit. He had worn himself out trying to forget.

 

When his limbs feel like they would cooperate, he get ups and makes his way out of the pool area. He throws a towel over his head and walks to the elevators. The doors open and he steps inside, he presses the button for Penthouse B and steps back leaning his head against the glass waiting for the doors to shut all the way. He can’t wait to have a shower, eat, and jump into his bed in that order.

The elevator doors are almost closed when a hand breaks between them causing them to open once again.

“Sorry, I --” the words die on the Taehyung’s lips he stands there frozen for a moment.

Jungkook looks up wondering why the doors haven’t closed, as their eyes meet for the first time in seven years, all the calm that Jungkook has spent the last two hours cultivating disappears.

Taehyung doesn’t make a move to get in, he couldn’t move even if he wanted to.

_Jungkook is the jogger._

The doors finally shut leaving Taehyung on the outside and Jungkook on the inside.

And Jungkook can't help but think how opposite it is to their places seven years ago, where he was on the outside, and Taehyung was the very definition of inside.

The younger man runs his hand through his hair. He is shaken to his core. This can’t be happening. He can’t be living here, invading his space. His mind is reeling and only one sentence seems to be running through it.

_Holy f**k!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not sure why I just wanted to write angst.  
> Also, because I watched the butterfly effect and Ashton reminds me of Kookie (yeah no sure why either).


	2. Why Can't I Forget?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jungkook tries to find a way to forget, and Taehyung can do nothing but remember.

***Warning: This is rated M for sexual content***

 

Taehyung stays frozen on the other side of the elevator door.

_How long had it been, six, no seven years?_

Try as he might, he had never forgotten his actions back then nor had he ever truly been able to forget the look of pain and hurt that colored Jungkook’s eyes. Without ever speaking to Jungkook, Taehyung knew he had broken him. Taehyung wanted to try and right his wrongs back then, but he was never able to.

They weren’t friends back then, but they weren’t enemies either. Taehyung had known how the other younger boy felt about him; hell everyone did. The kid was so awkward back then you’d have to be blind not to notice. Taehyung didn’t mind Jungkook’s little crush; he liked the younger man. It didn’t bother him except for that one day, the only time in his entire life that the heir apparent has ever regretted his actions and his words.

Taehyung stands there staring at the closed doors. His pocket begins to vibrate, and Taehyung is startled for a moment until he realizes it is his phone.

“Hello,” Taehyung’s voice is cautious.

“Hey, how goes the moving? Miss me yet?” Jimin’s voice crackles on the other end of the line.

“Jimin-ah, I-I,” Taehyung sighs.

“Tae, are you okay?” Jimin’s mirth disappears the moment he hears the despair in his friend's voice.

“Jimin, do you believe that when you do something stupid your past follows you till you make the wrong, right?” Taehyung is not sure what he is saying; he is still shocked by his chance encounter with Jungkook.

“Taehyung what are you talking about? What wrong, past?” Jimin’s confusion his evident.

Jimin is Taehyung’s oldest friend; they've known each other since the second grade when Jimin's mother was Taehyung’s mother’s personal assistant for a brief stint. Before Mrs. Kim hired the woman to run the company’s art division after learning that Mrs. Park had a Masters in Art History.

“Tae, are you still there?” Jimin’s concern grows.

“Yes,” the Taehyung says, his voice shaky.

Taehyung needs to get upstairs; he need to go to his apartment, but he is too scared to hit the elevator button. Worried he'll find Jungkook on the other side.

“Shit Taehyung you’re scaring me. What the f**k happened?”

“Jung—I. Of all the people in my past, why him? F**k Jimin, why’d it have to be him?” Taehyung can feel guilt swirling in his gut.

Why after so many years, did his one indiscretion come back to haunt him?

“Who, Tae? Who?” Jimin’s voice is near frantic, and he is cursing the fact that he is in Japan on a business trip and not there with Taehyung.

“Jungkook, he is here, where I live. He lives here too, f**k.”

“Jungkook! Oh my God Tae, what did he say? Did he do anything?” Jimin is worried.

They use to be friends Jimin and Jungkook, but that day Jimin had to choose a side, and even though he knew the youngest boy was hurting, Jimin picked Taehyung.

Jimin, unlike Taehyung, does not regret his decision. Jimin knows if he had to make the choice again, he’d still choose Taehyung. Jimin loves Taehyung, he always has even though he knows Taehyung does not feel anything beyond friendship towards him. Jimin would give everything for the younger man’s happiness, he would always choose to be by Taehyung’s side.

“No, he didn’t. He was just as shocked as I was.” Taehyung finally hits the button to the elevator, “Hyung, do you think maybe God is giving me a chance to make it right?”

“Taehyung it’s been so long, I am sure Jungkook has moved past this.”

“Jimin-ah, if I haven’t moved past it, I am certain he hasn’t either. How can he? He’d have to forgive me for that to happen. What I did that day, what I said—”

The elevator doors open as Taehyung steps in, he says into the phone, “I’d never be able to forgive me if I was Jungkook.”

 

 

“F**k, f**k, f**k. Why?” Jungkook’s laying with his face in his pillow as he screams out his frustration into the down softness.

Even now it still hurts and it shouldn’t. He is an adult now, why the hell does it affect him.

_Why was he still so goddamn beautiful? Couldn’t he at least have grown a little less attractive?_

“Damn it to hell,” Jungkook continues his rant.

He needs a drink, no, f**k alcohol he needs a distraction. Jungkook needs his mind numb and his body buzzing. He needs someone to work him over good and proper make him come till he can’t think straight.

Jungkook sits up and grabs his phone off the table. He dials the number with shaking fingers.

“Hyung, what are you doing right now? Can I come over?”

He says yes, Jungkook expected nothing less, the man always said yes, he always would. Jungkook knows the other man wants more from their relationship, but Jungkook can’t give what the man is asking for.

However, Jungkook would give the man his body when Jungkook needed an escape or when alcohol and exercise weren’t enough to dull the ache. It is unfair, and Jungkook knows it, but it is all he has to offer, and the man willing takes what Jungkook offers, always begging for more.

Jungkook jumps in the shower the water feels soothing and refreshing to his aching muscles. However, it does nothing to calm his distraught mind.

He gets dressed and grabs his keys from the table. Jungkook's mind is numb as he walks to the elevator. He still can’t believe what happened, but even more than that Jungkook can’t believe he hasn’t moved past it.

The doors open and he steps in cautiously, Jungkook releases the breath he did not know he was holding when he sees that he is alone.

Jungkook hits the button for the parking garage and leans against the glass. His mind floats back to Taehyung’s facial expression from earlier. All the color had drained from the older man’s face upon recognition. Jungkook can’t help the small smile of satisfaction that plays on his lips at the thought that he wasn't the only one affected.

The doors open at the garage level, and the man walks out to his car. Another smile plagues Jungkook's lips no matter how bad the day is, anytime he sees his baby, he smiles. The Porsche is shiny, and Jungkook swears the car smiles back. He hits the button to open the door and hops in.

Jungkook makes it to his destination in less than fifteen minutes. He parks his car next to the man’s vehicle. Jungkook enters the elevator and hits the button for fifteen.

He rings the buzzer.

The door opens.

“Jungk--”

Jungkook doesn’t let the man finish his sentence as he connects their lips.

“I don’t want to talk hyung,” Jungkook says in between heated kisses. “I just want you f**k me till I can’t remember my name; you can do that for me, right?” His hands are tugging at the man’s t-shirt.

“Yeah, I can do that. I can do anything you want me to do Kookie,” Namjoon’s voice drapes with lust.

Namjoon’s eyes are hooded. The man before him can turn him on a dime, and Namjoon loves it and hates it at the same time. As he sucks along the contours of Jungkook’s neck enjoying the way the boy is rutting into him, he wonders what happened. What had brought Jungkook to him tonight?

Jungkook had decided on the way over he was going to push the Namjoon to his limits tonight. He was going to drive Namjoon so crazy that he’d have no choice but to forego tender lovemaking in favor of pounding the mess out of Jungkook. He wanted the man to break him. Maybe just maybe then Jungkook wouldn’t feel, anything.

An hour later Jungkook is still as frustrated as when he first arrived at the blonde's apartment.

"Hyung, please." The younger man whines as he bucks and pushes into the blonde lying on top of him, "I get that you want to take it slow and shit. But if you don't f**k me into this mattress like you want to break me, in the next five minutes, I am leaving and never coming here again."

Jungkook is deadly serious, and Namjoon knows it. The blonde leans in and kisses Jungkook rough on the lips before biting down on the dark haired man's neck so hard the youngest sees stars.

"F**k yes," he needs it, the pain.

Jungkook almost cries in joy when Namjoon flips him over on his stomach, his face hitting the mattress with a thud. When long fingers began to work Jungkook open rough and fast, the tears that run down his face are caused by a combination of the pain he is currently experiencing and the pain he came here to escape. Jungkook nearly screams for help when Namjoon pushes his thick hard member in without warning and begins to pound brutally, never giving Jungkook time to adjust.

When Namjoon finds his prostrate and begins to attack without mercy, Jungkook's brain finally goes numb.

"Ahhhhgggh, fu.. god, hyung. Yes!" The younger pushes back furiously with each thrust forward of Namjoon's hips.

Jungkook is getting what he needs the only thing he feels right now is Namjoon's deft attack on his body. All he hears is the sound of flesh beating on flesh.

As the blonde above him pulls him further and further away from reality, Jungkook gives in. The younger wants to forget everything, but the feeling of his body being ravished, and his mind being turned to slush.

As Namjoon continues to wreck him Jungkook silently thanks the man and apologizes. Jungkook knows he is hurting the older man. But Jungkook had been honest from the start, he had given Namjoon a choice, and Namjoon chose this.

Jungkook is damaged, and no matter how much Namjoon wants to, he would never be able put together what Taehyung had shattered.

That day Taehyung's words had broken Jungkook, and no matter how much he had accomplished or how acclaimed he had become. Jungkook still never felt good enough. The words from that day live in Jungkook's subconscious. He'll always remembered the way the boy looked as he told him, "You'll never be good enough, you'll always be what you are right now, trash."

As Namjoon hammers his prostate hard, the memory is replaced by the intense pleasure that rocks Jungkook's.

And _finally_ Jungkook forgets.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Namjoon's character makes me sad, because Jungkook's pain hurts him too.


	3. The Past and The Present

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jungkook wakes up at Namjoon's and Taehyung makes a new friend.  
> Also, Amber is totally my girl crush. LOL.

Jungkook woke up to too much sunshine, aching muscles, and a room that was not his own. Upon this realization he groans inwardly, he hadn’t meant to spend the night. He didn’t want to give Namjoon unrealistic expectation. But after the night they shared Jungkook was too worn out to go home. Namjoon took Jungkook’s order seriously and spent the entire night breaking the man and in very pleasurable ways.

He contemplated trying to untangle himself from the blonde’s vise-like grip, but he was too tired and too sore to even think about fighting his way out.

He surrenders and wishes he hadn’t.

He needs to be moving needs to have his mind either occupied or deadened. Because anything in the middle means he will have the ability to think clearly, and that is the one thing Jungkook does not want at this moment.

The dark haired man turns his head to look at the blonde that he is currently curled against. Namjoon presented a problem in that if Jungkook could have a “normal” relationship he would give in to the man. If he didn’t feel so unworthy, he would give the man a chance. But he doesn’t know how to love, and he is tired of hurting people by trying.

He had tried having a serious relationship and had almost succeeded once.

Minah was beautiful, she had the most dazzling smile Jungkook had ever seen. The man had thought he could live forever happy and content as long as her smile stayed focused on him. But after causing the smile to falter one too many times, he realized he was not able to function in a relationship. He had too many ghosts that haunted him keeping him trapped in a past that he hated but clung to at the same time. Minah cried for days after he broke it off, she begged him to come back, promised to be better never believing him when he said he was the problem.

He had random hookups here and there and had cultivated quite the collection of “you busy” friends. Random no name, no emotional connection people he could call on when he needed a release. But when he met Namjoon all that changed, and that's why the man is a problem.

Sex before Namjoon always left him feeling empty, and needing more. But the blonde since their very first encounter has always managed to leave him feeling satisfied. The man knew how to toggle between rough and gentle. Namjoon knew where to put pressure to have Jungkook begging and pleading for things he couldn’t verbalize. If sex were ever the proper grounds for a relationship, then hell he’d marry the man.

As much as Jungkook doesn’t want to admit it, it’s not just about the sex with the older man. He feels a connection to the blonde one that he has been trying very hard to sever. But for some unknown reason no matter how much distance Jungkook tries to put between himself and the blonde, Namjoon is always his first phone call.

“What ya thinking about,” Namjoon’s rich voice startles him from his mind.

Jungkook smiles, because Namjoon is right, he is thinking, and right now that’s the last thing he wants.

“I,” he trails his fingers over Namjoon’s arm in a feathery motion. He smirks a little when the man visibly shudders. “Was thinking that maybe you’d like to help me remember what we did last night because my mind is a bit fuzzy on the details. So,” he leans over and licks the man’s cheek, “If you don’t mind could you show me again?”

Namjoon’s breath hitches when Jungkook slides his hand between their bodies and slowly starts descending south.

“F**k, Kookie,” Namjoon groans. He shouldn’t give in he knows it. They should talk. He wants to know why Jungkook came, why he called. But when Jungkook’s teasing hand found its destination Namjoon tabled the conversation of words, in favor of a whole different form of communication.

And Jungkook again got what he wanted, his mind numb.

 

Taehyung can’t concentrate, and he prays to God it doesn’t show as he sits through his morning meeting.

“Taehyung-sshi, what do you think of the new proposal?” The director of marketing asked.

Kim Corp is trying to get into bed with a new start-up web firm that specializes in facial recognition as a means of security. Taehyung likes the idea but is worried about the practically of it. He wants to move his father’s company into the computer age but with wise investments that will stand the test of time. While he is sure that the company will peak the interests of many people, he is not sure about the long term.

“I like the ingenuity, and I believe the world is moving towards more technological advances for security. I worry however that this particular brand is nothing more than a fad. So before we sign on the dotted line, I’d like to run some statistical analysis. Let’s see what kind of market this technology attracts.”

The meeting ends with the board very satisfied with Taehyung’s insight.

He smiles when she is standing in front of him

“F**k, I am so ridiculously impressed with you right now. If you weren't my baby brother, I'd totally date you.” Taehyung’s older sister Amber stated as she ruffled the younger man’s hair. “Come on let’s celebrate. What do you want to do?” She asks.

“You really want to know what I want?”

She nods, but knows what the youngster is going say.

“I want you to take your rightful place as the eldest. Why can’t you be CEO and I can play with kids and teach art?” The man whines.

“Because I’d be a horrible CEO, and you suck at drawing.” She says with a smile.

Taehyung laughs, she’s right of course, but it won’t stop him from asking.

While Amber had resigned her right as heir, she had retained her spot on the board of directors.

“Come on I’ll buy you lunch it been too long since I have hung out with my favorite little brother.”

“I’m your only little brother,” Taehyung retorts.

“It’s a good thing I like you then.”

He can’t help the laugh he loves his sister’s ability to give quick comebacks. He agrees to lunch, hoping that sometime in the company of his most favorite person will help his mood.

“I am hungry skipped breakfast this morning,” Taehyung says as he gets up from his chair.

“That’s unlike you,” Amber replies.

“I was nervous about my first day as the “man in charge”, and after my run in with Jun—” The man stops suddenly.

“Your run in with who?” Amber’s eyes grow curious.

“Nothing, it’s nothing.” Taehyung is not ready to talk.

Amber is not one to push she has a great relationship with her brother she knows when he’s ready he’ll come find her.

“Okay, but you know I am always here for you, right?” Her voice is reassuring.

Taehyung nods, “Nae noona.”

 

Taehyung heads home after lunch he’s tired. He tossed and turned all night unable to sleep. His mind flying between the past and the present. He regrets a lot about that day. He remembers describing it as a “Butterfly Effect”, so many little minute things had happened that day. Each event stacking itself atop the one before it, so that by the time he encounters Jungkook, the poor unsuspecting boy became the proverbial, “straw that broke the camel’s back”.

He is lost in thought as he walks into the lobby of his complex. He is jarred from his thoughts when he walks into a very solid frame, and for a moment Taehyung trembles in fear praying that the person he just bumped into is, not Jungkook.

He visibly sighs in relief when he realized it wasn’t the younger man. But his smile widen’s when he saw that it was the very smiley manager Park.

“Excuse me,” the older man says with a bow.

“No, that was my fault I wasn’t paying attention,” Taehyung answers back quickly.

“Uhmm, okay then,” the tall man says awkwardly as he rubs the back of his neck.

“Manager Park,” Taehyung says slowly. He has had a pretty bad twenty-four hours save for time spent with his noona, so a little time in the company of the extra cute manager may be just what the doctor ordered. “Manager-nim had promised me a tour of the premise, but I wasn’t able to yesterday. Would you mind maybe showing me around today?”

When the flush spread from the man’s face to his adorable Dumbo ears, Taehyung decides, yes.

_This is exactly what the doctor ordered._

“Sure… I mean you I would love to do that sir,” Chanyeol says trying to sound professional.

“Let’s drop the sir thing shall we? My name is Taehyung, my friends call me Tae,” Taehyung extends his hands, ‘Let’s be comfortable with each, hyung.”

He almost laughs out loud when the manager blushes even more.

_The man is all kinds of adorable._

“Nae si—I mean Taehyung. My name is Chanyeol, my friends call me, Chanyeol.” The man says with an embarrassed laugh.

“Nice to meet you Chanyeol. Now about the tour, can we?”

“Yes, but I have a meeting in ten minutes so if you won’t mind waiting till I am finished I’d be happy to show you around. Or I can have one of the other managers assist you.”

“No. I’ll wait. I need to change and rest for a bit first. Just come get me when you’re finished.” Taehyung may have answered a bit too quickly, but he was never really subtly around people he was attracted to and Chanyeol was very attractive.

The tall man nods, bows, and walks away.

Taehyung hesitates before hitting the elevator button, but the doors open to an empty box and he gets in.

Once in his suite he throws himself on his bed. His eyes begin to droop as he falls asleep, he remembers Jungkook, but not the boy from the past. No Taehyung’s last vision before sleep invades, is of lean toned muscles drenched in sweat, and of sharp eyes attached to a chiseled face. This definitely was not the wide-eyed boy from his memory.

As he surrenders to slumber, he wonders what happened to that boy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this story actually happened because of the movie "Butterfly Effect". I was rewatching it to see if I could finally reconcile all the reasons that movie makes my head spin (uhmm, I couldn't). But then I thought about how seemingly insignificant things/events can pile one on top of the other and lead to devastation. It took one encounter to break Jungkook, but it will take some much more to put him back together.  
> Anyway as always tell me what you think  
> Happy Reading  
> Lulu


	4. Questions With No Answers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jungkook's spiral downwards begins to show, and Taehyung realizes that not all questions have answers.

Jungkook is not sure how much alcohol he has consumed, but it is nine in the morning, and he is pretty confident he is drunk. He took the first drink the minute he sat at the computer hoping to relax his mind so that he could concentrate enough to write. Normally one glass is enough, but he lost count after the third bottle of Soju. However, his mind is still a jumbled mess, only now it is a jumbled, blurry, alcohol-induced mess.

He laughs as he sits in front of his computer, thinking about how perfectly he fits the brooding drunken artist cliché. The truth is he writes better when his mind is a little buzzed, but right now he is a whole lot of buzzed and can’t form a sentence to save his life. He contemplates going for a run but worries that his current lack of coordination may get him hit by a car.

His phone buzzes, he knows who it is without even looking at the screen.

“Nae, hyung,” he answers slowly, as he gets up from the computer.

“Are you working on it?” his manager asks carefully.

“I am in front of my computer right now,” Jungkook lies because the man does not need to know he is drunk as fuck and couldn’t write anything that would be readable. “I have been sitting at my computer since I woke up three hours ago,” Jungkook tells the man.

Min Yoongi, known to his friends and Jungkook as, Suga, is anything but placated. He knows Jungkook, knows that the younger man has demons that he is fighting. But he also knows the kid is a procrastinator, and the chapters are due in three weeks.

“Sitting in front of the computer and using the computer to write are two entirely different things,” Yoongi states.

Jungkook can’t help laughing into the phone. He is standing in front of his refrigerator contemplating a quick trip to the grocery store because he has no food.

“Hyung have I ever let you down?”

He regrets the statement as soon as it leaves his mouth.

“Yes,” Yoongi deadpans.

_Walked right into that one._

Jungkook’s brain hurts, and he needs to get off the phone and get some food so he can sober up.

“Hyung, I promise I am working hard. You will have your two new chapters in three weeks. So, I am going to hang up now and get back to work. I would appreciate it if you stopped distracting me.” The boy couldn’t hide the slur from his voice.

“Huh-uh,” Suga replies slowly, “Are you drunk right now?”

“Maybe,” and Jungkook thinks he may have giggled, but to be honest he isn’t sure if he imagined that part.

“F**k Kookie, it’s nine in the morning. How the hell are you drunk?”

“Well hyung I am pretty sure I am drunk because of the absurd amount of alcohol I have consumed in the past three hours.” Jungkook knows he giggled that time.

“Why, why are drinking,” Sunga asks and the younger boy hears the worry in the man’s voice.

Jungkook sighs.

“Trying to kill a memory from my past one that rose up from the dead to haunt me,” Jungkook says honestly.

“I’m on my way,” Yoongi disconnects the call before Jungkook can object.

The younger man won’t lie he needs Yoongi’s older brother like counseling. He needs to clear his head; he needs someone who will let him cry then tell him how stupid he is being. He closes the fridge and drops on the couch waiting for his manager to get there. He remembers he also needs food.

He picks up his phone.

 

**_To: Sugafree_ **

**_Hyung,_ _bring_ _food._ **

**_I have none._ **

 

He throws his phone next to him resting his head on the back of the couch. Jungkook feels light headed he guesses it’s a combination of alcohol and lack of food.

The young man’s mind is drifting, and he is trying desperately to stop its trajectory. Jungkook may be stuck in the past, but that doesn’t mean he wants to remember it.

Ironically it’s his past that has propelled him to fame and landed him on The New York Times Bestseller list for three years in a row, which is quite the accomplishment for a Korean author. He is the author of, The Past Never Dies, a series of self-help and self-motivation books designed to the teach the readers how to use their past to enrich their future.

To Jungkook, the biggest joke in life is that he wrote the first book to himself, but never took his own advice. He had shared the book with Yoongi, who was the boyfriend of one his co-workers at the time, after said co-worker had talked him into it letting the man have a look. Little did Jungkook know, how that encounter would change his life.

He supposes he owes Taehyung a thank you, if not for that day, the day that pushed Jungkook over the edge he had been dangling on his whole life. He may have never thought to write what he felt, write all the things he hated about himself. He would never have come up with a plan for change, a plan so many others have used, but he would never put into action.

He laughs bitterly at the irony of it all; he has helped so many people, but he can’t seem to help himself.

Jungkook’s eyes, close in exhaustion as he waits for Yoongi to arrive. For the last seven years he has tried to keep it together, attempted to hide the brokenness he feels. But in one single moment without saying a word Taehyung had managed to undo him once again.

_What the hell kind of power does he have over me?_

 

 

“Call,” the woman says with a smile on her face.

Taehyung smiles back, to the naked eye the two looked like any typical couple. But they were anything but, Ahn Hee-Yeon, known to her friends as Hani, was another thing Taehyung father had insisted on.

“Taehyung, perception is everything and right now for the purposes of the company I need people to perceive you as being capable of running the largest conglomerate in all of Asia. I worked hard to make this company what it is today, and I want it to end up in the hands of someone I trust. And I trust you.” The man had told him.

Taehyung had begged to not be set up. He didn’t want a merger with the right person for business purposes, he wanted real untamed, unbridled, no rules love. But he gave in. He went on the date and to his surprise Hani was amazing. She was funny and beautiful and sincere, and while Taehyung likes her a lot, he is not in love with her, he never will be.

They have been “dating” for several months.

“So you agree that if I win this bet you will you will do a handstand in the middle of dinner with my parents while burping as loud as you can?” Taehyung laughs as he looks at the female.

“Wait, when did you add burping?” Hani asks in between giggles.

“Not my fault you didn’t read the fine print,” Taehyung says with a straight face.

The woman hits him on the arm playfully.

Hani is smitten, but she is also very aware of the fact that Taehyung is not. He has been very honest. She knows that their time of “dating” will not last, but deep down she hopes that she will be able to change the man’s mind.

“Hey you promised I could see your new place,” Hani changes the topic.

“And, I always keep my promises. Want to swing by after dinner? I’ll give you the grand tour before taking you home.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Hani replies with a smile.

The rest of the dinner goes by with good conversation and laughter.

As promised Taehyung pulls into his designated parking spot.

“Wow, swanky,” Hani says.

“It is, isn’t it?”

“Doesn’t suit you, though,” she says thoughtfully.

“Really? Why?” Taehyung is honestly shocked that she realized that much about him.

“This building screams pretentious and stuck up. It’s the place you live if you want to be noticed,” she looks at the man. “But you don’t need that kind of accessory. Also, you don’t have that kind of personality. For a wealthy heir, you’re pretty normal.”

“Hani-sshi I do believe that is the best compliment anyone has ever given me.”

The blush that paints the woman’s cheek is adorable, and Taehyung wishes he could love her the way he knows she wants. His smile fades when he realizes that eventually he is going to hurt her.

He leads Hani to the elevators. Every time he pushes an elevator button Taehyung’s heart races a little faster. He knows it’s illogical, but he expects to see Jungkook on the other side of every elevator door. The doors open and the duo step in. Taehyung hits the button to the Penthouse levels.

They step out of the box when the doors open to Taehyung’s level. Hani’s laughter fills the hallway as they make their way to Taehyung’s door.

“Did you hear something?” The woman asks suddenly and yes Taehyung had heard it, moaning sounds coming from behind them.

“Wait here, I’ll go check it out.” He says to Hani.

The woman nods.

Taehyung makes his way to the only other Penthouse on his level; the sound gets louder as he rounds the corner.

The sight before Taehyung startles him.

The man was leaned up beside the door of Penthouse B. His eyes closed, his hands clutching his stomach and Taehyung can smell the alcohol. The scent is so strong it was though the man had bathed in it.

Taehyung wills his feet to move forward, had it been any other person he would not hesitate to help, but he is not sure this man wants his help.

“F**k Jungkook what the hell?” Taehyung says under his breath.

The older man takes one step after another until he is right in front of the man. He leans over the younger man, “Jungkook? Are you okay? Do you need help?” Taehyung asks carefully.

The man groans in reply.

_Shit._

Taehyung’s mind is racing. He gently shakes the man.

“Jungkook-sshi, wake up. You’re in the hallway,” Taehyung tries to keep his voice even.

The younger man moves a bit, but still doesn’t open his eyes.

Taehyung decides to at least try and get the man into his house. He searches through the Jungkook’s pocket for his keycard, all the while apologizing for the intrusion. He finds it and opens the door. He kneels down in front of Jungkook once more, placing the younger man’s arm around his shoulder then looping his arm around the Jungkook’s waist.

Taehyung pulls the man up with effort. Once in standing position Jungkook’s head lulls side to side before eventual dropping on Taehyung’s shoulder. The contact almost has Taehyung dropping the man. Taehyung feels like he is doing something wrong by entering the Jungkook’s home without permission.

He walks the man to the couch and tries to set him down as gently as he can. However, Jungkook’s arms had somehow found themselves around Taehyung’s waist and the man has to brace himself to not fall atop the man as he puts him down. He is directly above Jungkook, bent over the man trying desperately to unhook the arms that currently held him prisoner.

The man beneath him groans, and Taehyung stills his fight. Taehyung’s face is just a few inches above Jungkook’s, as he stares at the younger man he wonders if Jungkook had always been this striking. He tries to picture the boy's face from the past.

Taehyung almost screams like a girl when Jungkook’s eyes open to stare back. He waits for the man to yell, to push, to hit. But that doesn’t happen.

The boy looks at him, and before Taehyung has time to register what is happening firm lips are pressed against his, the kiss ends before it starts. However, it is the next action that has Taehyung breaking on the inside. The boy’s head falls back down, and a single tear rolls down Jungkook’s cheek as his eyes close once again the man asks Taehyung a question, one Taehyung has been asking himself for years.

“Why me hyung, why’d you have to break me?”

Jungkook’s arms fall from Taehyung’s waist as he curls into the couch and falls asleep.

Taehyung is shaken, he’d asked himself that question on countless occasions.

_Why those actions, why that day, why this boy?_

But the answer was always the same.

“I don’t know Jungkook-sshi. I honestly don’t know. But for what it is worth I am genuinely sorry. I wish to hell it never happened. I wish I had been strong enough to not unleash my feelings on someone I didn't know.”

He leans over swiping the man's hair from his eyes. His actions surprise him. He steps back staring at the man for a bit, and then leans over and whispers, "I promise to figure out how to make it right." With that Taehyung places the keycard on the table and walks out the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is the setting for the downward process. Jungkook will combust and Taehyung will try to glue him back together, only to realize that gluing one piece will only cause another piece to break. I give you this spoiler because you may or may not like self-destructive Jungkook, but I am asking you to stick with me.


	5. There Isn't A Place Where Pain Doesn't Exist

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jimin is back. Taehyung remembers the first time he really noticed Jungkook. A blast from Jungkook's past shows up unannounced.

Jimin is sitting at Taehyung's desk when Taehyung enters the office.

“Jimin-ah, you're back? I missed you,” the younger man sounds tired and Jimin notices it immediately.

“You sound like shit. What the hell happened to you?” Jimin wants to sound playful but knows he just sounds worried.

“Jungkook,” Taehyung answers he is too exhausted emotionally to play it off.

“Did he do something, say something?” Jimin gets up from the chair and makes his way toward the sandy-haired man.

He is momentarily distracted. “You changed your hair color again,” it wasn’t a question, and Jimin is once again floored at how easy he can be swayed by the man in front of him. His hand gently tugs at Taehyung newly painted locks.

Taehyung nods as he steps closer to his friend letting his head fall on Jimin’s shoulder. It's the wrong choice and he knows it, but Jimin has always felt homey and safe to him. He knows how the older man feels about him, and it hurts to know that Jimin is yet another person whose needs he can't meet.

He sighs in content as strong arms engulf him and pull him close.

“Did he do something Tae?” Jimin voice is soft, and his breath tickles Taehyung’s neck as he speaks.

“No, he didn’t. I did,” his breaks as he remembers Jungkook from three nights ago.

The man’s question still haunts him, as does the feel of Jungkook’s lips against his.

 

_They didn’t have a relationship seven years ago, to be honest, they didn’t know each other at all. But Taehyung had noticed the boy, it was hard not to. For all his social awkwardness and shyness, Jungkook was visually beautiful. Big innocent eyes that sometimes got so lost on what they were focused on it seemed as though the boy was looking at something outside of the world they inhabited._

_Taehyung knew the boy had a slight crush on him; actually he was more like a fan. Taehyung knew it wasn’t that Jungkook liked him per say as much as he saw Taehyung as an example of what he’d like to achieve. Taehyung knew all this because Jungkook and Jimin had forged a friendship, one that at times Taehyung was jealous of because, he kind of, maybe, wanted to get to know the younger man too._

_Taehyung never approached Jungkook never tried to engage. But he also did nothing to discourage the younger man from admiring, if truth be told, it was one of the few things that made his college life bearable. Jimin and Jungkook were both art majors while Taehyung was studying finance at his family’s request._

_“Taehyung,” his father’s voice rings in his head. “Your older siblings have each stepped aside from the company.” His father ran his hand through his hair. “I know it’s unfair to you, but I can’t leave my company in the hands of a stranger. While your siblings don’t want to run the business, they will be actively involved in its development. I will be dividing the shares among the three of you, but as the heir you will have the controlling share.”_

_It was not a demand, but it was not a choice either._

_Taehyung hates finance; he had dreams too. He had argued with his dad that day. The older Kim won. However, they came to a truce Taehyung would major in finance and business, but he would be allowed to live his college life as he chose. It was a small victory for now, but he knows it will a huge defeat for later._

_“Lost in your thoughts again Cinderella?” Jimin jokes._

_“Just thinking about what to do this weekend,” Taehyung muses._

_“Liar,” Jimin knows him._

_“Sucks how well you know me,” the slightly younger man sighs. “I am just remembering the conversation that has me sitting at this desk staring blankly at a macroeconomics book.” Taehyung sighs again. “Why couldn't I be like noona and hyung, why couldn’t I just say no?” Taehyung laments._

_“Because Jin hyung is an incredible doctor, and Amber noona is a gifted artist. And you, well you, don’t want them to give up their dreams because you are a kind, loving dongsaeng,” Jimin answers._

_Taehyung nods at the answer even though he knows it is not true. He also knows that Jimin knows the real answer, which is that he is a coward. He doesn’t want his parents to be mad at him, and he doesn’t want his siblings to feel uncomfortable, so he gives in. Taehyung hates confrontation, hates uncomfortable situations so instead of saying what he feels he just caves._

_“Wanna take a break and go grab some coffee?” Jimin suggests._

_“Break, yes. Coffee, no. Let’s go do something fun,” Taehyung jumps up from his desk._

_“Like what?” Jimin asks._

_“I don’t know; you’re the one with the actually social life. What’s there to do?”_

_“Jungkook works at Rage, the club close to campus. He can probably get us in,” Jimin offers._

_“Really he works at a night club?” Taehyung can’t picture the shy boy in that environment._

_“Yeah, he is a dishwasher and busboy at the restaurant portion,” Jimin answers._

_Taehyung’s lips form and O, because that he can picture._

_“Okay let's go, I need to blow off some steam,” the boy with the light lavender hair says as he walks toward his room._

 

With his head still on Jimin’s shoulder Taehyung snaps back from the memory, that was the first night he noticed Jungkook, really noticed him. That was also the first time he ever felt guilty about all that he had been blessed with.

“What could you possibly have done Tae?” Jimin’s voice is soft and soothing.

Taehyung is always taken aback by how Jimin can never seem to find any fault in him when he is so aware of all his shortcomings.

“Hyung he asked me why, w-why I broke him,” Taehyung feels heavy.

“You didn’t Tae, not really. There was a lot happening in his life at that time. He was already broken in some ways.” Jimin says honestly.

But it doesn’t make Taehyung feel better, it makes him feel worse because it means that his action was the one that pushed the boy off the cliff. His action seems to be the only one that Jungkook remembers.

“That’s worse you know. Instead of helping someone that was hurting I just hurt him more. So badly that even now so many years later he still wants to know why.” Taehyung pulls out of Jimin’s embrace only to be dragged back in; he doesn’t fight as the arms embrace him once again.

“What do you want to do?” Jimin knows that this has been weighing on Taehyung for years, the guilt.

“I want to help him, I just don’t know how.” Taehyung whimpers as he fights his emotions.

“Then we help him, okay?” Jimin says with resolve.

At Jimin’s words, Taehyung sinks deeper into the man’s arms and nods his head.

“Okay,” he answers.

 

Jungkook has been busy writing for the last three days. The inspiration came from out of nowhere, and he has managed to surpass the needed two chapters to write four. That ought to keep Yoongi happy for a while.

His back aches and he has a nagging feeling that he has forgotten something profound. He has been trying for the last three days to bring back to mind what he is forgetting. But he can’t recall anything other than getting drunk and sliding down the wall in front of his apartment door. He is not sure how he got inside or ended up on the couch. He has a vague memory, more like a flash of a hand lifting him, and lips on his own. But he woke up alone and fully clothed so clearly he didn’t have a hookup.

“Agghhh,” Jungkook runs his hand through his hair.

His buzzer startles him, it’s eight at night and he is not expecting any visitors. He gets up and stretches before going to the door.

He hits the display to see who is at his door. He is stunned at the face on the screen.

_Why is he here?_

He opens the door slowly.

“Hyung,” Jungkook voice is filled with surprise and a little bit of hurt.

“Jungkook-ah, it’s been a while.” Jimin’s voice is just as Jungkook remembers it. “How are you Kookie?”

Jimin didn’t feel regret on the day he chose Taehyung. He didn’t feel regret when Jungkook withdrew from school. But now standing here realizing that the shine has gone from the younger man’s eyes. Right now he wishes he had tried harder, wished he had done more. Wished he had found a way to preserve both friendships.

“Nae,” the younger man replies but doesn’t move to let Jimin in.

Jungkook is not being disrespectful he just can’t move. Right now he is frozen in his spot.

Jimin notices the man’s discomfort.

“I am sorry I didn’t mean to surprise you like this. I am probably one of the last people you want to see right now, but I couldn’t keep myself from knocking on the door.”

It’s the truth Jimin had been standing in front of the man’s door for the past thirty minutes contemplating his next move. Taehyung’s pain over the situation was evident, and Jimin's life goal is to make sure that Taehyung always smiles.

But right now he is not sure what his next move should be. Because the look in Jungkook’s eyes says he is hurting too. And unlike Taehyung, Jungkook did not have a Jimin around to walk him through the pain. It hits the older man that Jungkook had to go through the aftermath of that day alone.

The first tear runs down Jungkook’s cheek almost on its own. Jungkook does not even realize that it has happened until he tastes the salt on his tongue. He raises his hand to wipe away the stray liquid, but Jimin beats him to it swiping his thumb against the fluid.

“I am sorry Kookie. I shouldn’t have come like this.” Jimin says as he drops his hand and walks away.

As he watches Jimin walk away, the pain washes over him like a wave crashing against the ocean wall.

_Why are they doing this to him? Why are they making him remember the thing he has been trying so hard to forget?_

Jungkook closes the door and walks straight to his phone.

“Hyung, are you busy?”

 

When Namjoon opens the door, Jungkook lunges at him with fire in his eyes. Tonight he needs to forget not just his past, but his present as well. As Namjoon pounds him into the front door, Jungkook surrenders to the blonde willing the man to take him somewhere the pain he feels doesn’t exist.

_But there is no such thing as a place where pain does not exist._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This didn't feel this angsty as I was writing it. But reading it back I kind of felt a pang in my chest. I think this story feels real to me on many levels. I understand that destructive pain, but luckily for all who read I understand the power of healing too. So, take heart it won't be a forever sad story. But I warn you it will get way worse first. Just like life, it's always darkest before the dawn.  
> Happy Reading  
> Lulu


	6. You Don't Help Trash

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jungkook remembers his not so glorious past. Hani meets her idol, and Taehyung save the younger man a second time. Also, I love Namjoon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NC-17  
> RATED M: for sexual content and destructive behavior.  
> Also for EXO fans, you more than likely will not like Kai's character. But genuinely he was the only person I could think of when I pictured the sex appeal the character needed.

Jungkook is not sure of the time, but he knows it’s late. Namjoon is beside him asleep and softly snoring. Jungkook wonders if it is odd that he finds the noise comforting. Namjoon, to the younger man, has been a hero in a world filled with villains. Jungkook wishes with everything in him that he could be good enough for the blonde. He wants to feel love, to give love. But Jungkook doesn't know how to love.

Namjoon’s hand is draped across his stomach, and as the blonde turns he pulls the younger man closer. Jungkook knows he can’t spend the night again, even if a part of him wants to. He leans in and kisses the man on the forehead.

“Thanks, hyung,” he whispers as he untangles himself from the older man. As he gets dressed and prepares to leave his mind wanders upon one of the many villains in the story of his life. The man he would be calling had the blonde not found him.

Jungkook has always thought it strange how you can know something is not good for you that it is hurting you, but you still continue to chase after it. Like an addict, he guesses in many ways he was addicted to the dark haired man.

But in many respects Jongin was the best drug he had ever taken, even if the man only viewed him as a thing to be toyed with.

 

_It's been two months since the incident with Taehyung, and Jungkook has withdrawn from school. He hates the stares of pity, and the fact that he couldn’t escape the older boy. Taehyung was everywhere he haunted Jungkook in sleep. He just needed to get away; to forget._

_He is currently nursing a glass of something; he is not sure what. But he likes the way it burns. The people are too noisy, and the music is too loud. But the alcohol is abundant._

_He hates bars, but alcohol is his new best friend, and his friend resides at this bar._

_Jungkook is not sure how many shots he had taken when he noticed the man staring at him. Tall and lean with dark skin, dark hair, and dark, dangerous eyes. He was beautiful there really was no other way to describe him._

_Jungkook’s mouth feels dry despite the absurd amount of liquid he has consumed in the last hour or so. His mind is buzzing, and he thinks he may throw up because the man won’t stop staring, and his gaze is making Jungkook’s stomach turn, and causing heat to settle in between his legs. He is feeling all kinds of insecure. Insecure and, and--_

_God he doesn’t want to think it, but the man’s eyes are undressing him, and he knows it. And Jungkook wants him to do it for real._

_Shit._

_He needs to get out, move away before the man realizes that he’d be willing to play._

_Jungkook downs the shot in front of him and gets up. He needs to cool off and maybe sober up. He has been on a bar hopping spree for the last month, and this drunken stupor he has become accustomed to is probably not the healthiest way to deal with his issues. But then again, he’s never been good at making right life choices._

_He makes his way to the bathroom and splashes water on his face, as he peers into the mirror he hardly recognizes the face looking back as his own. The water feels good, but it does nothing to lax the pain he feels inside. Moments like this are the hardest, the ones where his mind is working, where he can think, can remember._

_He is about to head back out when the door opens. In walks the man from the bar. He watches as the man snaps the lock on the door, locking them in._

_“You look like you could use a distraction,” the man’s voice is as dangerous as his eyes._

_“N-_ nno _, I am good,” Jungkook chokes out as the man advances towards him._

_“Really? I don’t believe you, though,” the dangerous voice says again._

_Jungkook steps back as the man steps forward, but when his back hits the counter of the sink, he sees the man smirk. He knows he is screwed, or to be more precious he will be getting screwed._

_“What’s your name?” The man asks._

_He shouldn’t answer._

_“J-_ jungkook _,” his breath hitches as he speaks because the man is mere inches from him and forget beautiful, the man is sexy as hell._

_Jungkook closes his eyes. Willing himself to disappear._

_When did he become the kind of person who had sex with strangers in public restrooms?_

_“Jungkook, my name is Jongin, but when you orgasm, I want you to scream Kai.” He closes the distance between them._

_Those words were the last thing Jongin said before he grabbed Jungkook by the back of the neck and smashed their lips together._

_Jongin lips are soft and firm, as they moved from Jungkook’s mouth to his neck. He should be protesting, but the alcohol in his system keeps telling him this is the best idea ever. And the way Jongin’s hand and lips feel on his skin has him agreeing wholeheartedly._

_The man bites down into Jungkook’s neck, and a scream of pleasure and pain rips through the boy’s mouth._

_“That’s it, babe; I like it loud. Daddy’s going to make you scream a lot. Give the people on the other side of the door a fat juicy hard-on,” Jongin’s dirty talk as Jungkook seeing stars._

_The man’s hands pull at Jungkook's belt, then at the clasp of his jeans. Jongin skillfully pushes Jungkook’s jeans and underwear down enough to give him access. As long warm fingers begin to massage his ass, Jungkook bucks forward and moans._

_“You’re a filthy little thing aren’t you, letting a complete stranger f**k you in a public bathroom? ” Kai’s words cut Jungkook to the core._

_Because yes he is dirty and unworthy, and that is why his is currently being undone by a stranger in a bathroom instead of wrapped in the arms of someone who loves him._

_Jongin harshly pushes two fingers in Jungkook’s mouth._

_“Suck,” the man orders and Jungkook whimpers and obeys._

_The pain he feels as Jongin works him open dulls the pain he feels on the inside. As the man turns him around and takes him roughly against the sink. It hurt and felt undeniably good at the same time._

_That was the night that Kai became his new favorite drug, it was also the night Jungkook learned that sex and pain were the best ways to forget._

It’s one in the morning by the time Jungkook makes it back to his apartment. He is bone tired. He had been up since early writing, and he can’t wait to fall into his bed and sleep. His head his down as he walks to the elevator.

“Oh my God! You’re Jeon Jungkook,” the woman startles him.

He looks up and is greeted by a female with warm eyes and an even warmer smile. She extends her hand.

“My name is Ahn Hee Yeon, my friends call me Hani. God, I can’t believe I am meeting you.” She continues excitedly.

Jungkook bows and extends his hand accepting and returning the introduction.

“Nice to meet you--”

The woman interrupts, “Hani, call me Hani.”

Jungkook smiles, “Nice to meet you Hani-sshi.”

The doors open and they both step into the metal box. Jungkook is surprised when the woman hits the button to his floor.

“My boyfriend lives here,” she explains.

“Oh,” Jungkook says with a nod of his head.

“Can I just tell you that your writing is so amazing and so real. I have learned a lot about myself from your books.” She gushes and again Jungkook can’t help but smile, but not at her praise, no, at the irony of it all.

“I am very happy to hear that Hani-sshi. I wanted to people to know that their past didn’t have to destroy their future.” Jungkook recites the mantra as though he means it, as though he has experienced it.

“That’s so true. We all do stupid things, you know? Make dumb mistakes, hurt people and get hurt by people. But we can grow from that, you know, and learn to be better.”

The woman continues talking and Jungkook has learned to smile and nod at all the right times, while not listening. Although had he been more awake he thinks he may have listened to Hani, he could tell the woman genuinely meant what she was saying.

The doors finally open.

“Geesh Hani did you take the extra slow eleva—” the words die on Taehyung’s lips when the eyes that greet him are Jungkook’s and not Hani’s.

The man’s eyes are wide and shocked and Taehyung wishes he could say something brilliant, something that would keep the shock from turning into sadness and pain.

“Taehyung, did you know that Jeon Jungkook was your neighbor? You’re so lucky,” the girls gushes, the look of confusion on Taehyung’s face has Hani explaining her excitement.

“He’s the author of that book that I have been trying to get you to read since we met,” she stares at the man with excited eyes.

“Author?” Taehyung stares at Jungkook.

Jungkook has always been awkward in social situations, but this was beyond awkward. He was not emotionally prepared to look at Taehyung much less delve into a conversation about his personal life with the man.

Jungkook wishes he could leave, but at the moment he limbs did not want to move. He felt frozen, stuck in place. It was like being locked in your worst nightmare.

Taehyung is aware of the man’s discomfort. He can almost see the younger man's fear, he needs to find a way to get Jungkook to a place where he feels safe. He contemplates just leaving with Hani to his apartment, but he is worried that the younger man would still be there in the morning frozen in place.

“Oh, is that what you’ve been doing with your life Kookie,” Taehyung employs Jimin’s nickname for the man.

He can feel Jungkook’s shock grow.

“Wait, you know each other?!” Hani squeals.

“Mmm, yeah, we went to the same college. Hey, here’s my key I left the fire on under the noodles can you go check it for me. I am going to have a quick chat with Jungkook.” Taehyung says trying to bring some relief to Jungkook.

“Okay,” Hani replies happily, she turns to Jungkook and bows. “It really was an honor to me you,” she says before walking off.

Jungkook hasn’t moved, hasn’t blinked since his eyes met Taehyung’s. His inside feel like jello and he now wishes he had spent the night at Namjoon’s.

“Jungkook-sshi,” Taehyung says trying to get the man to respond.

No response. He tries again.

“Jungkook-sshi,” Taehyung’s voice is a little louder.

The boy before him blinks but doesn’t move or answer.

Taehyung takes the man by the arm and guides him to his door.

“I am sorry about doing this again, but you don’t seem to be drunk this time at least,” Taehyung says as he moves the man towards his house.

As the words make their way into the processing center of Jungkook’s brain, he eyes grow wide and he stops moving.

“Y-you, helped me three nights ago?” The voice sounds confused as though he can’t understand why Taehyung would do that.

“Yes. Uhmm, I am sorry about entering your apartment without permission,” Taehyung turns to face him. “But I couldn’t leave you there. I just couldn't.” Taehyung's voice is soft, and Jungkook thinks he hears it tremor.

“How’d you, where’s you…” Jungkook stops as another memory comes back. “Did I, did… did w-we kiss?” Jungkook is mortified, and he prays that it was just a dream.

The look of fear on the boy’s face is enough to tell Taehyung the truth was not what was needed in this case.

“No, we didn’t. I laid you on the couch and you went to sleep.” Taehyung lies.

He could almost see the relief flood the man.

“T-thank you, for, uhmm helping. I am sorry to have burdened you.” Jungkook’s voice is low and he just wants to escape.

“It wasn’t a burden Jungkook-sshi,” Taehyung is about to say more when he hears Hani calling for him.

“You should go,” Jungkook says as he uses the keycard to open his door. “Good night Taehyung-sshi.” The younger man bows and retreats into the apartment locking the door behind him.

Taehyung stands on the other side of the door for a moment hand raised ready to knock. But he decides against it, Jungkook was terrified, and he didn't want to hurt the man any more than he already had.

Once inside Jungkook releases the breath he had been holding. He is shaking, and he genuinely wants to go back to Namjoon's, but he is too afraid to leave his apartment.

His hands shake as he dials the man’s number.

“Hyung,” Jungkook’s voice breaks as he speaks.

“Jungkook-ah,” Namjoon’s voice is sleepy but concerned filled, “Are you okay? What wrong?” The man sounds fully awake now.

“Hyung, c-can you come over? I don’t want to be alone.” Jungkook fights the tears.

“I’ll be there in ten, but stay on the phone with me okay?”

They talk as Namjoon gets dressed, as he gets into his car, and they are still talking when Jungkook hears his buzzer going off.

Once he opens the door the blonde pulls the man into his arms. And Jungkook lets him.

As he falls asleep wrapped up in Namjoon’s arms. He wonders why Taehyung would help him, not once but twice.

Why would he help someone he considered trash?

"People don't help trash; they throw it out." That's what the man had said that day.

As his eyes close from fatigue Jungkook falls asleep to the one question he still can't answer.

_Why?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know. I really wanted to lighten it up a bit, but yeah. Taehyung's interaction just shook poor Kookie to the core. It was too much Jimin and Taehyung in less than twenty-four hours. Every time I write Namjoon in this story it hurts me because I know it's so destructive his relationship with Kookie. There will be more Jongin flashbacks, be prepared they won't be sweet memories.  
> As always please comment, let me know what you think.  
> Happy Reading  
> Lulu


	7. Make It Right

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taehyung realizes exactly what he did to Jungkook that day.

Taehyung has noticed the blonde man leaving Jungkook’s apartment several times in the last couple of weeks. The morning after the incident with Hani was the first time he had seen the tall blonde; he had gotten up for an early morning run. They met at the elevators. The man is good looking in a rugged way, strong jawline, stern deep eyes, but when he spoke all that toughness evaporated into adorable dimpled cheeks. Taehyung could completely understand why Jungkook would be attracted to the tall blonde. What he couldn’t understand was why it bothered him, so much.

Every time he saw the blonde his stomach would tighten and his inside would burn, as though the man was infringing on something that was his. But Jungkook was not his. In fact, if he remembers correctly he had told the boy in no uncertain words that he was beneath him.

He groans at the memory.

“You are a grade A fuck up Taehyung, you know that right?” he says out loud as he drops his fist on the table.

He needs some air he grabs his jacket from the back of his chair.

As he walks to his car, he takes his phone out of his pocket and dials the number to his second favorite person.

“Hyung, it’s your number one baby brother.” He giggles with delight when the older man reminds him he’s his only little brother.

“That’s only because Amber’s a girl. What’s up?” Jin asks from the other end of the line.

“Hyung I need some big brother, little brother basketball time.”

“Stress getting to you?”

Jin and Amber are very aware of Taehyung’s sacrifice, so they make the effort always to make sure their Dongsaeng’s emotional needs are met.

“To tell the truth I need some down time too. How about we meet at our spot, in about an hour?” Jin replies.

“Sounds like a plan, thanks, hyung,” Taehyung says before hanging up the phone. He decides to go home and change out of his work clothes before meeting Seokjin.

He pulls into his parking spot. As he walks to the elevator, he hears the voice that has been haunting his dreams for the last two weeks. The younger man is walking away from him, probably towards his car. Taehyung will later blame his next actions on sleep deprivation.

As though drawn of their own volition his feet start following the dark haired man.

“Hyung, aren’t you proud. Four chapters instead of two. Think of it as a thank you for sage advice and bulgogi. No, I still don’t want to tell you what happened in my past that I am trying to forget,” Jungkook laughs at the response

The man’s laughter flows through Taehyung like a fresh spring breeze. He wishes he were the cause of that sound.

“Yeah, it still hurts, I wish it didn’t. Maybe it is because I know it’s true,” Jungkook’s voice grows somber, and the mirth from earlier is gone the man stops walking for a moment.

Taehyung slows his movements, as he wonders what was true? What happened that day that Jungkook thought was true?

“Hyung I don’t want to talk about it, it hurts to remember. Please, can’t we just drop it? Yes, I know I was drunk at nine in the morning. Yes, I know it’s unhealthy, but we both know I am not the best with wise life choices.” Jungkook starts walking again, his voice slightly breaking, he stops in front a Porsche and clicks the button to open the door, “Hyung I have to go I have an interview. Tell me what you think about the new chapters.”

Taehyung ducks behind a parked vehicle and watches Jungkook as he enters his sports car and starts to drive away. Crouched in the corner behind a car waiting for Jungkook to pass, Taehyung can’t help the laugh, he is the CEO of the biggest company in all of Asia. But he is currently hiding like a scared little girl from a person who trembles whenever he is near and can’t look him in the eyes.

It is then that it hits Taehyung, he’s going to need more than basketball. He pulls his phone out.

“Hey, what are you up too?”

“Nothing just going over some documents for the Milan project. Are you sure you want to expand there?” Jimin is all business.

“Then you need a break right?” Taehyung asks.

“Maybe, what you have in mind?” Jimin sounds intrigued.

“Well, we haven’t gotten stupid drunk in awhile. I just want a night with no rules. No worrying about my dad, no worrying about the company, no—” he stops before he said the next words.

_No feeling guilty about Jungkook._

He hears Jimin sigh on the other end of the phone. He knows the man knows the real reason. Jimin reads him like an old book, one you have memorized, but you still read because you just like holding it in your hands.

“Taehyung, that’s not the way to deal with stress you know that,” Jimin answers.

Taehyung is about to protest when the older boy continues.

“But burning off a little steam is not always a bad thing either. So, I’ll go with you, and you can drink as much as you want. I’ll be there to hold your hair when you throw up.”

“Oppa, you’re the best,” Taehyung says in a high pitched voice.

“And you’re an idiot. What time?” Jimin laughs at the man’s antics.

“I am going to play some b-ball with hyung. How about I pick you up at around eight?”

“Alright, see you later,” they disconnect, and Taehyung moves from his hiding spot.

 

Jin has always been the voice of reason in Taehyung’s life; which is why the younger had always thought the man should have been the head of Kimcorp. But Jin has a gift one that should be shared, and not hidden behind large desks and corporate mergers.

“So what’s really going on?” It’s the first thing the man asks once the game of one on one ended.

“Nothing just work, life, stuff,” Taehyung is not sure how much to share.

Apart from the sulking and self-pity he displayed after the event, no one in his family knows about that day. Except for Amber, but she knows everything, Taehyung is not sure how.

“You know, I am older, right?” Jin asks.

Taehyung nods.

“You also know I have known you your whole life, right?” The older man continues, and Taehyung sees where it’s leading.

“I am not hiding anything thing hyung, not on purpose. It’s just a long story that happened in my not so prestigious past. It was one stupid, selfish, thoughtless mistake I made. One that I thought had died but turns out the person I hurt has been living with the pain this entire time. But I don’t want to talk about it.”

“You clearly want to talk about it Tae, or else you wouldn’t have called me.” Jin’s not being judgemental he just knows his sibling. Basketball meet ups mean the younger is struggling, and he needs his older brother to help him.

Taehyung sighs, it's true.

“Hyung can I tell you without telling you?” Taehyung asks.

“Uhmm, no. Taehyung what could you have done that was so bad?” Jin's eyes soften. His brother has his flaws, but the boy was kind and level-headed, he can’t imagine him ever hurting someone this badly.

“I-I,” Taehyung sigh as the picture of Jungkook’s shocked, hurt expression flashed before his eyes.

On that day, the boy was not expecting a confrontation. Especially not from someone he barely knew and whose life never intersected his except for them both knowing Jimin and that one moment in the courtyard in front of damn near the entire student body.

And f**k!

It hit Taehyung what Jungkook was talking about on his earlier phone call when he said, “Maybe it’s because I know it’s true.”

“F**k!” Taehyung verbalizes his frustration.

Jin’s eyes widen with shock.

“Hyung I screwed up, oh God.” Taehyung is devasted as he remembers.

The man remembers his words.

_He was pissed, no, beyond piss that day, but not at Jungkook. Hell, he didn’t even know the kid, except for a couple interactions at the club, and when he went to watch Jimin practice._

_But that day he had planned on changing all that, he wanted to get to know the boy better. So he had asked Jimin to get Jungkook to meet him. But the moment he saw the man his blood began to boil, and all the boy had said for Taehyung to lose his cool was…_

_Hello._

_What had he responded?_

Taehyung searches his mind pulling at the memory, once the answer makes its way to the forefront of his mind. Taehyung feels nauseous.

His answer to a simple, hello.

_“You like me don’t you? I can tell you get red in the face and start to stutter. But don’t like me. Don’t even think about it. Because you don’t, stand a chance. We are in two entirely different worlds you and me. You’ll never be good enough, you’ll always be what you are right now, trash. Dirty, trash. People don’t like trash; they don’t even help it. They throw it out.”_

“It was that day hyung; the day dad told me I couldn’t study music. The day he told me that my life was no longer my own. The day he told me that I had to start living like the heir to his company. We fought, the worse fight we have ever had, and he said that I was selfish. He said a lot of hurtful things that day, and I wanted to yell back at him. I wanted to fight back and stand up for myself, the way you and noona had, but I took it. Then I released it on a boy who never did anything to me. A boy that I wanted to get to know, and when I saw him after the talk with Dad, I lost it because I knew, he’d be off the table. And—fuck I am the worse coward ever because the things I said to him were the things I felt about myself. Shit.”

Taehyung was done, totally done. His insides hurt because he realizes Jungkook thought the words were directed at him. He believes this because Taehyung never took the time to find him, never took the time to explain. So the boy who in Jimin’s words, “Thinks every word out of your mouth is spun gold,” believed that he was not worth anything because Taehyung had said so.

Jin can see the turmoil in his brother’s face. But he has never been one to lie for the sake of another’s feelings. He believes the truth is always the best remedy.

“Tae I love you, but you fucked up, royally. If you knew the kid was sensitive, why didn’t you find him? Why didn’t you make it right back then, when it would have made a difference?” Jin isn’t angry, but he is disappointed, Taehyung isn’t that person the one who hurts you and doesn’t care.

“I don’t know. I wallowed in my stupid self-pity for so long I couldn’t see anything clearly. And when the dust finally settled around me, and I had clarity again, he was gone.”

“I don’t think you need me to tell you what to do Tae; I believe you know the answer. Make it right, whatever you have to do. Give that man what’s left of his life back.”

Taehyung nods, he feels like dirt, like trash and he hopes Jin doesn’t throw him out.

“Do you hate me hyung,” he knows he sounds like a child, but he couldn’t stand it if the older man saw him differently.

“Taehyung, I could never hate you. I get how it happened, and while I am disappointed, I understand. But that person doesn’t. I will always be here for you no matter how horrible you behave. We’re family.”

Taehyung breathes a sigh of relief at the man’s words.

They sit in silence for a bit the gravity of the moment weighing on them both. Taehyung’s phone jarred them to the present. The message is from Jimin letting him know he’s heading home to get ready.

Taehyung has never been so ready to get drunk.

As they get up to leave, he turns to his brother with a look of determination in his eyes.

“I will hyung not matter what I have to do. I will make it up to him.”

The older man smiles and draws his sibling into an affectionate hug.

“I know Tae because that's who you are.”

 

He gets back home from his night out with Jimin at three maybe four in the morning. He’s not sure, Taehyung’s not sure of anything except that he wants to see Jungkook. He needs to see Jungkook.

He makes this revelation after three glasses of vodka, one shot of bourbon. And two glasses of a delicious sweet drink, it would have been three but Jimin took away the third glass when he started sobbing and singing Aretha Franklin’s “Respect”. Apparently those things don’t go together.

Jimin had tucked him in, after spending the drive home explaining to him why knocking on Jungkook door at three in the morning drunk as a skunk was a bad, bad idea.

But he disagrees which is why he is currently banging with all his might on the neighboring penthouse door.

“Kookie, open the door.” He sounds loud in his head.

Bang, bang, bang.

He raises his hand to knock again but is met with air as the door opens.

“Taehyung-sshi?” The man’s voice is hesitant.

Jungkook looks beautiful with sleep clinging to his skin. The man’s eyes are drowsy looking, and Taehyung thinks sleepy eyes are substantially better looking than fearful ones.

“God you’re so beautiful like this,” Taehyung slurs.

Jungkook’s eyes widen.

Taehyung reaches forward and grabs the very confused man by the back of his neck pulling him forward.

When the boy’s shocked eyes are mere inches from his, Taehyung closes the distance with his lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is going to kill me. But there is something about it I enjoy. I think it is the fact that pain is very real, and we never really understand how our off days can affect another. Also, sometimes it takes more than good intentions to make things right.  
> Yay, more background story. You will get the whole flashback eventually, but for now it is in bits and pieces.
> 
> As always let me know what you think.
> 
> Happy Reading,
> 
> Lulu


	8. Tiny Cracks and Splinters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taehyung wakes up in Jungkook's apartment. And Jimin adds a new wound to his already broken heart.  
> Yeah, it's sad. Sorry.

Taehyung woke up to the smell of coffee, which is weird since he doesn’t drink the stuff. His head feels like he had been kicked in it repeatedly by a giant wearing steel toed boots. He tires sitting up, but the room is spinning.

He falls back down and groans in pain.

He is going to kill Jimin for allowing him to drink so much. Okay, maybe not this wasn’t Jimin’s fault. He squinches his eyes trying to make his brain remember the events of the night before. He remembers most of the day. His time with Jin. He remembers picking up Jimin, and he remembers dancing and laughing. But sometime after his fourth maybe fifth drink everything becomes a blur.

He reaches his hand out to get his phone off the night table; he meets air and not a table.

_Where is the nightstand?_

The question doesn’t worry him too much, he probably fell asleep on the couch. He feels around eyes closed and realizes he is definitely on a bed. As the fog of the morning begins to fade, and Taehyung's eyes crack open slightly, he makes the realization that the bed isn’t his.

_Shit! Did I have a drunken hook-up?_

He relaxes a bit remembering Jimin was with him, and there is no way the older boy would have allowed that to happen.

_Am I at Jimin’s?_

Taehyung tries to focus on the room, but nothing seems familiar.

_Nope, this is not Jimin’s house._

His head is pounding and wherever the hell he is, he hopes it has painkillers. He sits up with effort, not only does his head hurt, but his body feels like it’s made from bricks. Taehyung swings his legs to the ground and stands up shakily, the headache is making him nauseous, and he scans the room for a door.

He finally stabilizes and ventures forward praying he doesn’t crash to the floor, he breathes a sigh of relief when after two steps he is still standing.

Taehyung makes it to the bedroom door, as he places his hand on the handle to open a flash runs through his mind.

_"God, you’re so beautiful like this."_

He closes his eyes trying to figure out if it was a dream or real.

_Who did I say that to?_

His head pounds more as he tries to force the memory.

Then he remembers soft lips and a gasp.

_Who, who-- oh fuck!_

“Shit,” Taehyung hisses and now he really wants to throw up.

 

The memory hits him hard, like a well-aimed punch to the gut. 

 

_“Hyung, what are you doing?” Jungkook’s voice is desperate._

_Taehyung has no idea what he’s doing he just wants to touch, to apologize to let the younger man know it’s not true any of it. He was never trash, never not worth helping. But right now he is drunk as shit, and Jungkook’s lips are soft and firm, and the boy kissed him back, or maybe he just imagined that._

_Taehyung moves forward again deciding that he needed to taste those lips again, but the fear in Jungkook’s eyes stop him. The alcohol has him light-headed and swaying. He can feel his mind slipping away, and as the lights go out behind Taehyung’s eyes, the last thing he sees are tears, running down Jungkook’s face._

_And he knows he has seriously f**ked up, again._

 

“Shit, shit, damn it,” Taehyung groans under his breath. He needs to get the hell out of here.

_F**k, how the hell did I end up here?_

He looks around the room desperate to find his phone. He sees it on the chest of drawers. He makes his way across the room, too fast and his head spins. He sits on the bed and shakily sends a text.

****

**_To: Jiminnie_ **

**_I royally f**ked up_ **

 

He hits send and lays back down, it hurts to be upright. Alcohol and anxiety don’t mix well, and Taehyung is worried he may hurl for real. His phone vibrates moments later.

 

**_From: Jiminnie_ **

**_What happened?_ **

 

He types slowly.

 

**_To: Jiminnie_ **

**_I woke up in Jungkook’s house_ **

**_And I am pretty sure I kissed him while wasted._ **

**_And f**k, how do I get out of here_ **

**_Unnoticed?_ **

****

**_From: Jiminnie_ **

**_F**k Tae what the hell is wrong with you?_ **

**_How the hell did you end up there?_ **

****

**_To: Jiminnie_ **

**_I don’t know on both counts_ **

**_Just help me now, you can yell at_ **

**_Me all you want later._ **

****

****

**_From: Jiminnie_ **

**_I got nothing Tae_ **

**_If I came over, I think it would be_ **

**_Too much for him. You and me together._ **

**_Just face up to it._ **

 

Taehyung throws the phone on the bed. Jimin is right, of course, the both of them here after what Taehyung did last night would be too much. He stands up again picks up his phone and slowly makes his way back to the door. He cracks it open slowly; he feels like a kid trying to sneak out without his parents noticing.

The coffee scent is stronger in the hallway. His stomach turns as the aroma whiffs through his nostrils. He steps into the hall on trembling legs and prays that Jungkook is nowhere in sight.

He makes it to the living room, no Jungkook. His heart almost jumps for joy when he spies a clear path to the front door; he tip-toes towards his destination.

“You don’t have a key card, I looked, but you don’t have a key card,” the voice startled him, and he nearly pisses his pants.

**_F********K!_ **

Jungkook sounds, broken and small and Taehyung wants the ground to swallow him right now.

“Ahhh,” is all he can answer because words are hard to come by.

The boy is sitting on the couch legs drawn to his chest with his arms wrapped around them. He is wearing a white sweater, and his skin looks pale and beautiful against the white of the fabric. Taehyung now knows he has mental problems because he wants to drag the man into his arms and hug him till their bodies melt into one.

Jungkook's eyes are fixed on Taehyung, and the older man wishes he wasn’t hung over, because there a million things he wants to say, needs to say.

But there are no words.

_Say you’re sorry, just say it. Make one thing right at least._

Taehyung’s mind is screaming at him; he is about to open his mouth and say the words when Jungkook speaks.

“Am I a toy hyung, is that it?” The man is shaking. “Why are you doing this?” The last question is a whisper.

_Just speak Taehyung, speak. Tell him._

But he can’t the words won’t come. And he knows the next actions will make it worse, and he curses himself. But right now he does not have the mental know how to do the right thing.

He bows at the boy.

_He f**king bowed._

...And walks through the door.

Once outside he leans up against the door and finally his mind is clear, and all the things he wanted to say comes to him.

_You’re not a toy Jungkook. I never meant to hurt you, and I am truly sorry._

Taehyung fights the tears as he makes his way to his house. As he walks, he remembers that he doesn’t have a keycard.

_Shit._

He is about to turn around, but something pulls him to the door. The tears do make it down when he sees the older boy.

“Jimin-ah,” his voice cracks.

He throws himself into the man’s arms.

“I screwed up Jimin so bad, so, so bad. I don’t-- I can never make it right after this.”

JImin hushes him and reaches into his pocket for the extra card, he opens the door and pulls Taehyung in with him.

“It’s okay Tae; we’ll figure it out. We’ll make it right. Okay?” He tightens his hold on the boy as he leans up against the closed door for support.

He has no idea how they will fix this, but he and Taehyung have always been able to find solutions to anything they faced, as long as they faced it together. Jimin knows it will hurt, but he is used to pain and ache when it comes to Taehyung. Their relationship has always been one-sided and with Jungkook in the picture he knows that if they fix it, Taehyung would be lost to him forever.

Because that day had Taehyung said what he truly felt about the younger man instead of what he felt about himself, Jimin knows the two would be together right now. Maybe that’s why he chose Taehyung’s side that day; perhaps he hoped he would be enough. Maybe he wanted to fill that void.

 

_“You think he’ll come?” Taehyung’s voice is uncertain._

_Jimin can’t help the smile._

_“Seriously, you’re crushing on Jungkook? The shyest person I have ever met? You’ve said like two things to the boy the whole time I have known him.”_

_“I know it’s weird, but I like him. Or at least I like the things I notice. I want to get to know him to see if it’s real or, you know, just attraction.” Taehyung says shyly._

_Jimin can’t help that he finds it cute. He also can’t help the stab he feels knowing that Taehyung will never feel that way about him. However, if he had to give Taehung up to someone, he approves of Jungkook. The kid may be shy, but he’s loyal, honest, and sincere, and yeah, hot as hell._

_“I’ll ask, I am sure he will come. He likes you too I think, or at least he likes your long-ass speeches. I swear he is the only person that listens to you in those student council meetings.”_

_Student body president, another thing his father had insisted on. Taehyung cringes at the thought._

_“I swear he thinks every word out of your mouth is spun gold.” Jimin continues._

_And Taehyung can’t handle anymore, he throws a pillow at his friend’s head._

_“That’s cause every word out of my mouth IS spun gold,” he sticks he tongue out and walks away. “I have to go. I am having lunch with my dad. Text me and let me know if he says yes.” With that Taehyung leaves the room._

 

Jimin wished he had a crystal ball that day. Because he would never have asked Jungkook to meet them had he known what was going to come out of Taehyung’s mouth. He sighs as he stands there cradling the man he has loved his whole life as he cries over another man.

Taehyung’s breathing is even, and Jimin knows the man has either fallen asleep or passed out from emotional exhaustion. He guides Taehyung to his bedroom and gently places him on the bed.

“Why didn’t you choose me Tae, I could have handled those words. I would have known it was because you were hurting.” Jimin leans down whispers in the man’s ear.

He is about to get up when a hand grabs his wrist.

“Don’t go,” the voice is small.

He knows the man is sleeping. He also knows the person he is speaking to in whatever dream he is having is not him, but he crawls into bed with the younger anyway. He pulls Taehyung into his arms and shudders when the man sinks into him and sighs with content.

But tears comes when Taehyung’s voice whispers a name that wasn’t his.

Yes, Jimin is used to it, the tiny splinters and cracks that appear in his heart every time he is near the man. And as a new wound forms at Taehyung's words.

“Jungkook-ah, bian.”

Jimin holds Taehyung tighter knowing one day he’ll have to let the man go for good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Every time I edit a chapter of this story so I can post it, my heart hurts. This story feels very human to me. We hurt a lot and in turn we hurt others. We don't really mean it and most times we wanted to act differently than we did. It's how I feel about Taehyung. He wants to make it right, but his guilt just makes it worse. 
> 
> Anyways enough with the psychoanalysis.
> 
> As always let me know what you think.
> 
> Happy reading
> 
> Lulu


	9. We All Need Someone To Catch Us When We Fall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING EXPLICIT SEXUAL CONTENT  
> DO NOT READ IF ANY OF THE FOLLOWING MAKES YOU UNCOMFORTABLE  
> SEX TOYS, BONDAGE, ROUGH SEX, PAIN, ORGASM DENIAL, DOMINATION  
> ALSO DON'T READ IF JONGIN (KAI) IS YOUR BIAS (He's not so nice here... sorry)

Jungkook knows that his current decision is unhealthy for many, many reasons. The most important being the man that currently has him tied up does not care about him, but then again that was the point, he wanted this.

He was already hurting Taehyung had seen to that. Since he was a toy, and nothing else he might as well spend his time with the one person who would use him as such.

He has been thinking about Jongin a lot lately. The man was the first to help him realize why Taehyung had said those things that day.

_“It’s because Jungkook, you are nothing but trash. Filthy dirty cock loving trash,” Jongin said those words as he shoved his dick down Jungkook’s throat. The boy almost choked to death, but the man didn’t stop his furious pounding until he came down the back of Jungkook’s throat._

The words had hurt and the way Jongin treated him proved that he meant the phrase.

But still the man was the only person he could think to call after his encounter with Taehyung two days ago. He had thought about Namjoon, he is always the first choice. But Namjoon would console and coddle him, giving him a false sense of self-worth.

Jongin leaves him with no such feelings. In fact, he typically feels dirtier like a used rag doll after his encounters with the man.

Currently, his hands are cuffed above his head, and his legs are spread and tied to the base of the pole. He is naked with a gag in his mouth, face down and suspended in the air by a rope attached to his mid-drift. His cock is locked in a ring and throbbing with no release in sight. There are tears in his eyes from over-stimulation caused by the vibrator attached to the base of his penis, set to high.

He has been in this state for at least twenty minutes and every part of his body aches.

“God you’re sexy as hell like this,” Jongin’s praise is biting it holds none of the fondness that Namjoon’s voice would have had, saying the same sentence. “I want to see how much you can handle. I f**king missed your tight little ass.” Jongin says as he starts up another vibrator.

Jongin’s looks over his shoulders and his eyes widen the toy looked to be about nine inches in length and about eight inches in circumference. He immediately begins to struggle he knows where the man plans on putting it the item, and he is reasonably sure Jongin has no intentions of prepping him or even lubing the item before pushing it in.

He knows fighting is futile he is completely at the older man’s mercy. He starts to sob silently as the man advances towards him.

“Don’t cry Kookie, it’s why you came isn’t it? Didn’t you say you wanted me to and I quote, “F**k your brains out”? Well, I am nothing if not obedient little one. By the time, I am done with you, your mind won’t work, as well as other body parts.” Jongin's smile is cold and calculating which was sexy in a way that only he could pull off.

Jongin stops fitting himself in between Jungkook’s spread legs.

“Your cock is so pretty,” the man says as he drags his nails along the over sensitive organ. Jungkook winces in pain and shudders.

The younger man screams into the gag when Jongin roughly pushes a finger in his ass. The intrusion burns and the tears are coming for real.

“God you’re tight,” Jongin says as he adds a second finger.

And Jungkook’s body rocks with pain. He can’t think straight his entire body is throbbing. He hears Jongin unzip his pants, and he breathes a sigh of relief because the man’s appendage will hurt substantially less than the plastic mechanical toy.

When Jongin surprises him by pushing the vibrator in instead Jungkook’s body jerks and spasms from the shock. Jongin pulls the item out only to slam it back in the boy as deep as he can get it. The convulsions grow stronger and Jungkook can feel his mind slipping away. Pain is everywhere, he wants to swallow, but the gag in his mouth is restricting the action. More tears come, burning the corner of his eyes as they run down his face.

_He deserves this. He shouldn't cry._

He finds some relief when Jongin removes the gag, Jungkook coughs and whimpers as an electric shock jarred his core.

“Please hyung, no more. Ahhh—f**k,” the boy screams as another jolt hits him.

“But Kookie, you’re taking it all so well,” Jongin says. “I tell you what, I’ll make a deal with you. You let me f**k your mouth as hard as I want and come down your throat. I will set you free.”

Jungkook nods his head he’d do anything to make it stop.

“Oh and one more thing Jungkook,” Jongin says as he pulls off the cock-ring. “You can’t come.”

He walks to stand in front of Jungkook, gently stroking his penis before pushing it all the way down Jungkook’s throat. The man chokes and coughs and Jongin finds the vibration it creates earth shattering. He has always enjoyed how pliable Jungkook was, ready to please and do anything he ordered. He doesn’t love the man, but if he had to choose a favorite among his conquests the younger man would rank as number one.

He rams in and out of the man’s mouth enjoying the sight of the man’s body convulsing from all the over stimulation. When he comes down Jungkook’s throat the man passes out, and for a moment Jongin is scared that he may have actually suffocated the man.

He undoes the younger from the restraints and almost groans in lust when the boy’s body falls limp in his arms. He won’t lie he finds everything about Jungkook’s body enticing, especially in this state where he could do anything. He doesn’t touch him, he knows the man has been pushed past his limit.

He carries the younger man up the stairs and to the bedroom. He’s not one for sleepovers, but he’d be lying if he said Jungkook didn’t earn his keep. He lays the boy down gently and wipes the sweat drenched hair from his face.

Jongin gets a wash cloth to clean Jungkook, marveling at the red marks and welts from the whip he had used on the boy earlier. His breath hitches when a single tear runs down Jungkook’s cheek. He wipes the stray liquid away and sucks the tear from his finger, the salty taste hitting his tongue.

“We’re alike you know, you and me,” Jongin leans in and whispers in Jungkoo’s ear. “We’re both hurting, only I choose to use others, and you elect to be used by others. Hopefully one day we’ll both find the person who can heal us.”

He crawls into bed with the broken man and pulls him into his arms. Tonight hurting the boy wasn’t as satisfying as it normally is. Maybe he is beginning to feel something for the younger, or maybe he’s getting soft in his old age. Whatever the reason Jungkook’s warmth feels inviting and Jongin accepts and falls asleep.

Jungkook wakes up in excoriating pain. He is surprised to find himself in Jongin’s arms. In all the years, he has known the man this is the first time Jungkook as ever shared a bed with him. He moves Jongin’s arm from around his waist and winces in pain. Moving hurts.

Jungkook finds his clothes where Jongin had practically ripped them off, throw down in the living room. He is surprised at how clean he is and wonders if the man had wiped the cum from his body.

 _Probably didn't want the trash messing up his sheets_.

The thought stung.

Jongin had done what he had asked, but he still felt empty. He made up his mind to not call the man again.

 

It’s four in the morning when Jungkook stumbles from the elevator the walk to his door is painful the welts on his back and his butt are rubbing against the material of his clothing. There isn’t a place on his body that doesn’t hurt. He feels dirty and used. Cum is stuck to odd places on his body. His head is pounding and he just wants to have a shower and take something to help the pain and knock him out.

“What the fuck happened to you?” Jimin’s voice startles him.

His is too tired and broken to inquire as to why the older man is here again. Jungkook, however, is thankful for the man presence because he feels like he is about to pass out. He leans into Jimin’s body as the lights start to fade from his eyes.

“Jungkook! Jungkook! Kookie!”

Jimin frantically calling his name is the last thing he remembers before succumbing to the darkness.

As he passes out in Jimin’s arms, Jungkook can’t help the stray thought that filters through his brain.

_It’s nice to have someone to catch you when you fall._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was crazy sorry guys, but it is all a part of Jungkook's downward spiral. But he made a choice to not see Kai anymore so he is on his way up I would say. Also, yay for someone being there to catch our falling maknae.  
> As always let me know what you think. Your comments matter to me.  
> Happy (or as happy as it can be) Reading  
> Lulu


	10. Just One Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jungkook wakes up in the last place he'd think to find himself. Taehyung figures out how to help Jungkook, and Jimin is just Jimin, adorable (love that kid).

Jungkook is groggy but comfortable. The ache from early is still there, but not as pronounced. There is a warmth surrounding him that feels akin to sitting on the beach on a calm summer day enjoying the rays of the sun. He nudges closer to heat. He wants to wake up to see where he is, but the glow is inviting, and he drifts back into slumber, with a smile pulling at the corners of his lips.

 

SIX HOURS PRIOR

“Jungkook! Jungkook! Kookie!” Jimin yells, as the younger man falls limp into his arms.

“F**k,” Jimin searches the man’s pocket looking for a key card.

He doesn’t find one.

He pulls the younger closer to him, dipping to get his arms under Jungkook’s legs to lift him up. He carries the man bridal style to the only place he could think to go.

He bangs on the Taehyung’s door.

Jimin knows the man is asleep he had left him that way; he knocks a couple more times hoping to wake his best friend. After about ten minutes of trying the rouse the man, he gently leans Jungkook against the wall, his hand on the man’s chest to keep him from falling. Jimin rifles through his pocket and takes out the keycard to Taehyung’s suite.

Once the door is open, he carries Jungkook inside. He contemplates dropping the man on the couch but decides against it. Jungkook had visible bruises on the parts of his body that Jimin could see. He needs to clean and treat the wounds, hopefully without waking the boy up. He wants the young man to rest comfortably.

He carries Jungkook to the spare bedroom, and gently lays him on the bed.

“Kookie, what the hell happened to you? Who did this to you?” Jimin asks the sleeping man, not expecting a reply.

But when a tear travels down the boy’s face, he wonders if the man heard him.

He leans over the bed to verify that Jungkook is indeed sleeping, the younger’s breathing although ragged is even and he knows he is not awake.

“Jungkook what happened?” Jimin’s core tightens at the thought of the man being in pain.

He smooth Jungkook’s dark hair moving the tendrils out of his face. Jimin sighs and walks to the restroom. It dawns on him that all the medication is in the bathroom located in Taehyung’s room.

He pads down the hall quietly and, cracks opens Taehyung’s door. The man is sprawled out in the middle of the bed. Jimin can’t help the smile he has always been amazed at how someone as tiny as Taehyung could take up an entire king size bed.

He remembers what he came for and proceeds to his destination. He switches on the light and open the medicine cabinet. He removes band-aids, antiseptic, antibiotic and soothing cream. His hands are filled as he makes his way out of the bathroom.

“Hyung, what are you doing here?” Taehyung’s voice startles Jimin and he nearly drops all the paraphernalia in is hands.

“F**k Tae, you scared the sh*t out of me. Why are you awake?” Jimin’s asks.

“I heard a noise,” Taehyung answers.

“Sorry. I tried to be quiet.”

“It’s okay. But you still haven’t said why you’re here, and why do have all that first aid stuff in your arms. Sh*t hyung are you hurt?!” Taehyung’s voice begins to raise.

“No, I am no hurt, it‘s Jungk--” Jimin catches himself too late.

He didn’t want to tell Taehyung about Jungkook. The boy already had so much going.

“Jungk,” Taehyung’s brows squinch together as though trying to solve a puzzle. “Wait, Jungkook?! What’s wrong with him? Is he hurt? Oh, God, this is all my fault.” Taehyung can’t hide the terror and shame he feels.

“Calm down Tae. Yes, he is hurt, I am not sure all the places yet. I bumped into him in the hallway. He was pretty beating up, and he passed out in my arms. I--”

“Where is he?” Taehyung cuts him off as he takes the medicines from Jimin’s hand.

“He’s in your guestroom. I couldn’t find a keycard on him, so I brought him here,” Jimin looks at Taehyung eyes asking for permission, he knows he doesn’t need.

“Okay, okay,” Taehyung takes a deep breath, “Okay.” The boy tries unsuccessfully to calm his rapidly beating heart.

Jungkook was hurt, and Taehyung knows he’s the cause. He steels himself as he walks toward the spare bedroom. He follows Jimin into the room and almost breaks down in tears when he sees Jungkook on the bed. The boy is curled up in the fetal position hugging the covers to his chest.

Taehyung notices them immediately the marks and bruises on the man’s skin, and he wants to rip the person who did this to shreds. He hadn’t noticed when Jimin went to the bathroom, but could kiss the man who had returned with a basin of water, wash clothes, and towels. Taehyung scrounged around in the drawers, looking for something for Jungkook to wear once they clean him up. He finds cotton bottoms and an oversized tee. He puts them on the bed and helps Jimin strip the man down to his underwear.

Jungkook’s torso is covered with bites and bruises, and gooey liquid is stuck to his skin. The boy smelled like he had gone through ten rounds of dirty, rough sex. Clearly with someone who didn't care how they left him.

“Why would someone treat him like this hyung?” Taehyung’s voice cracked when they flipped Jungkook over and found welt marks on his back.

“I don’t know Tae. Hand me the antibiotic gel,” Jimin says after wiping the area clean.

Jungkook whimpers at times, but he remains asleep. Jimin suspects that whatever happened tonight was enough to wear him out both physically and emotionally. He can’t stop thinking about the tear that rolled down the man’s cheek in his sleep. It hurts to know that even in his dreams Jungkook can’t find peace from what torments him.

They clean and change the younger man working quietly and gently so as not to rouse him. Taehyung has tears at the corner of his eyes; he wants to crawl in bed next to the man and hold him tight. But he knows that if Jungkook woke up to that it would be very traumatizing. He sits beside Jimin on the bed, head on the man’s shoulder.

“I caused this, didn't I?” His voice is trembling as he whispers the question.

“I don’t know Tae. I understand that what happened hurt him, I get it I really do. But at some point we have to take responsibility for our actions. We all have pain, all of us. No one in the world is exempt.” Jimin’s answers wisely.

“He had no one Jimin; it’s hard to pick yourself up and make good choices when you have no one there to help you stand,” Taehyung’s head shoots up in defense.

“He had family Tae,” Jimin counters.

“Are you being serious? You know who his father is. Jimin, the boy, comes from one of the richest families in Korea yet his father made him work three jobs to pay for a college education that he forced him to get,” Taehyung hisses.

He remembers how shocked he was when he learned that Jungkook was the youngest son of Jeon Ji Soon. That was the day his admiration for the boy grew. That was the day he decided he wanted to get to know Jungkook better. Jungkook didn’t complain, and he never talked bad about his family. The younger man smiled despite his circumstance; Taehyung didn’t have to lift a finger, but he complained about everything and whined like a child. He wanted to learn Jungkook’s secret.

Unfortunately, he wasn’t ever able to. Because he broke the man’s spirit never thinking about how hard it must have been to live like that.

“I am sorry hyung; I didn’t mean to snap at you.” Taehyung apologizes to Jimin.

“It’s okay Tae, I get it,” Jimin sounds tired.

He knows Jimin is right, but he knows he’s right too. And at that moment, Taehyung figures it out, how to help Jungkook.

First and foremost he, Taehyung, needs to apologize. It’s long overdue, but then they need to help Jungkook take responsibility for his life and his actions. They need to teach him that he is worth more, and most importantly they need to be there for him when he falls helping him get back up again.

Taehyung knows it will be hard, and he knows that more than likely Jungkook will not fall into his plans easily. He hurt the man and in many ways damaged him, but he is determined to repair what he has broken. Jungkook deserved it, even if it meant Taehyung spent every ounce of his energy, he would see this to completion.

He watches as Jimin’s eyes begin to close. The older man had done a lot first taking care of Taehyung and now Jungkook. When Jimin’s head hit his shoulder, Taehyung chuckles then gently pushes the man down on the bed next to Jungkook. Moving either was not an option. He tucked both men in and sat next to Jungkook on the mattress.

“Jungkook-ah, I am so sorry for all of it, the pain and the agony you have had to endure by yourself. But I promise from this point on someone will have your back, even if you don’t want it.” Taehyung whispers to the man as he strokes Jungkook’s hair.

He smiles when the man sighs in content. It was a contrast to the whimpers of pain that would intermittently escape as he and Jimin cleaned him. Taehyung’s eyes begin to droop, and he knows he should go to his room, but he doesn’t want to leave Jungkook. So he stays trying the fight the inevitable, he loses the fight soon after and falls into slumber. Sleep is peaceful because this time around he knows where Jungkook is, he knows he is safe, and he has a plan.

 

PRESENT

As Jungkook slowly stirs from slumber, he feels refreshed. It’s the first in a while that he has woken up not feeling like he’d been hit by an 18-wheeler. As the fog of sleep drifts away, he remembers the events of the night before and cringes as he recalls the things he allowed, all but begged Jongin to do to him. His body should hurt, but surprisingly he is not feeling the sting of pain.

Jungkook knows he should get up, but he feels so comfortable, so safe. He hasn’t felt this way in a while, and he is not ready to awaken from this dream. Jungkook turns his body to the right and throws his arm over the area he feels the heat radiating from the most. He pulls it towards him and snuggles into it. It takes a few minuted before his brain registers that he is not snuggling a thing, but a person.

When Jungkook’s eyes open, they grow wide from shock, because not only is he snuggled up against a person, but that person is Kim Taehyung.

_What the f**K!_

Jungkook’s mind is scrambling trying to recall what happened after Jongin’s. Then he remembers meeting Jimin in the hall.

_He's got to stop the hallway encounters._

He should get up, but he is stuck in place. His eyes are drinking in the perfection of Taehyung’s skin. His lips look pink contrasted again the white of the pillow. He is so close he could count the lashes on the man’s lids.

He tries to remember the hallway incident hoping it will jog his brain. But he gets nothing but darkness and wonders if he had finally passed out.

Jungkook wonders where Jimin had gone he should thank him for yesterday. But he realizes that his assumptions are incorrect when a hand snakes across his waist. A hand that does not belong to Taehyung. The situation becomes clearer and clearer as the fog lifts from Jungkook’s mind.

He’s in bed between Jimin and Taehyung.

_F**k! How the hell did this happen?!_

Jungkook may be shocked his heart may be beating so hard he thinks he may pass out, but he realizes it’s not from fear. Because right now, right here, he feels safe.

He thinks he should try to get up, but he can’t move. No, he doesn’t want to. He wants to enjoy this warmth for a while longer. He knows it’s not real and the moment he leaves this peace he feels will be gone. So, Jungkook sinks his head into Taehyung’s neck and pulls Jimin’s arm till he feels the man pressed firmer against his back and closes his eyes, as he falls back to sleep he reminds himself.

_This is just for today. Just one day._

 

 

 

 

 

_And as a bonus  most adorable maknae line EVER! _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so less trauma today and a slight taejikook moment, because I think we all need a break from the trauma. Unfortunately, I can't promise it will be all sunshine and roses from this point (cause it would be a lie), but I can promise there will be more moments of light in the darkness.
> 
> As always let me know what you think.
> 
> Happy Reading 
> 
> Lulu


	11. A Chance To Be Proven Wrong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jungkook wakes up in Taehyung's house. Jimin and Taehyung finally apologize but did not get the response they wanted.
> 
> Also, I now have a beta reader.... YAY!  
> However, she has not gotten to this chapter so proceed at your own risk.

*****Chapter re-posted after being reviewed by the awesome gracetang, beta reader extraordinaire*****

Taehyung awakens first, relieved to find that Jungkook had not slipped away. The younger man was sleeping peacefully, his head on Taehyung's chest. Jungkook is currently sandwiched between him and Jimin, with the eldest man’s arm spanning across Jungkook’s midsection all the way to Taehyung’s.

Taehyung can’t help but smile, Jimin was protecting them even as they slept. He has always appreciated the man’s passion for keeping those he cares about safe. A grimace crawls across Taehyung’s face he wishes that Jimin had chosen to protect Jungkook instead of him seven years ago. Hell, he wishes a lot of things had gone differently back then.

Jungkook shuddered slightly, and Taehyung holds his breath. He wonders how the younger man will react to his current position once he wakes up. Fortunately, he doesn’t have to find out as the man turns and moves off of Taehyung to snuggle solely into Jimin. Taehyung would be disappointed but wanted to get out of bed, he only stayed because he did not want to wake Jungkook.

Again Taehyung can’t help but smile, the two people he cares about the most in the world are currently asleep in his guest room. One of whom he never thought would ever step foot in his house willingly. Technically Jungkook hadn’t, but Taehyung resolves to take this moment as a small victory regardless.

The tile is cold under his bare feet. He scurries to his room to find a pair of socks. He had given the cleaning ajhumma the day off, wanting to be alone for the weekend. As he stands in the kitchen, he realizes he is now the sole producer for breakfast.

“One problem with that, Taehyung,” the man says to himself. “You can’t cook.”

Taehyung giggles at what would happen if he even tried to make a meal. No one, least of all Jungkook, deserved that. He settles for ordering breakfast and having the concierge deliver it instead.

He decides to make the table, they can eat family style, something he has not done in a while.

“What're ya doing?” Jimin’s voice startles him.

“Oh, you scared me. I thought you were still asleep.”

“Just woke up. Jungkook is still asleep, though, thankfully. The kid was so worn out by whatever happened to him the night before.” Jimin says, looking in the direction of the bedroom.

Jimin still feels slightly pissed; he’d like to get his hands on the person who did that to Jungkook. How could someone use the boy so badly then let him drive home in that state? He shudders thinking about all the ways last night could have ended.

“Why are you making the table? You didn’t cook did you?” Jimin asks fearfully.

Taehyung laughs at the look of worry in Jimin’s eyes.

“No, I ordered food. I'm not that mean, Jiminnie,” Taehyung says through laughter.

It feels good to laugh, and it's a huge and welcomed improvement from his seemly constant negative mindset these past few months.

Taehyung makes a decision; it's time to move forward, no more living in the past. Today whether Jungkook accepted it or not, he was going to apologize and make good on his promise.

A noise behind them causes Taehyung and Jimin to turn around. They are surprised to see Jungkook standing there wide eyed staring at them.

The youngest man had woken up to an empty bed, yet he still felt the warmth of the night before engulfing him. Laughter had brought him to the living room; he has always liked the sound of Taehyung’s laugh. For a good part of his freshman year in college, he dreamt about being the person Taehyung would bestow that laugh on.

But that was a while ago and a different version of himself. That Jungkook had dreams, hopes, and aspirations. That Jungkook believed there was good in the world and that friends wouldn’t hurt you. This Jungkook holds no such beliefs.

“I-I should go,” Jungkook says the awkwardness of his current state dawning on him. He makes a move to walk toward the door.

“NO!” Taehyung says, voice louder and more brash than he had expected.

Jungkook stills his movements the man’s outburst startling him.

“Sorry,” Taehyung reigns in his emotions. “I know this is the last place you want to be, Jungkook. And I won’t force you if you honestly don’t want to. But I ordered breakfast, and it should be here soon, please stay and eat.” Taehyung eyes are pleading.

Jungkook is about to decline when the doorbell rings.

“See, it’s here,” Taehyung counters, “Please, Jungkook, please stay.”

Jungkook turns to Jimin on instinct, as though looking for the answer. The oldest man nods and Jungkook doesn’t know why, but he does what the man says.

“O-okay,” he says as he bows his head.

Taehyung almost trips on the way to the door; he is elated by the man’s answer. He pays for the food and takes the bags to the table.

“I wasn't sure what you liked, so I ordered a traditional Korean and western style food,” Taehyung says, as he beckons for Jungkook to have a seat.

“Anything is fine, I don’t usually have breakfast,” Jungkook mutters, his eyes firmly on the food.

“Oh,” Taehyung answers. “Well, then thank you for eating with us,” Taehyung says genuinely.

“Hyung, you don’t have to do this, you know.” Jungkook says to Taehyung but looks at Jimin as he speaks.

“Jungkook, we want you to stay,” Jimin finally opens his mouth. “I am not sure what happened yesterday. But if you’re worried that we’ll pry, we won’t. So, please let us do this, we have a lot to make up for. Give us a chance to start here,” Jimin says earnestly.

Jungkook finds himself agreeing.

They sit to eat; the atmosphere is tense but tolerable, and Jungkook is hoping the food will get past the knots in his throat. Seven years ago he would have given anything to be doing this. But right now he just wants to escape.

“Jungkook,” Taehyung speaks first. He knows what he needs to say but has no idea how to get the words past his lips. He sighs.

“Jungkook,” he tries again. “Shit, why is this so hard? I mean I know what I need to say, what I want to say. But I feel so damn guilty it can’t seem to get from my brain to my lips.” Taehyung runs his hand through his hair and licks his lips.

Guilty?

Jungkook wonders why the man would feel guilty. Seven years ago all he had done was spoken a truth that Jungkook needed to hear. He stares blankly at Jimin and Taehyung, Jungkook’s whole being hurts he needs to get away.

“Hyung, I am not hungry. M-maybe I should go. I don’t want to upset you,” Jungkook's stammering, and he’s not sure what he’s even saying.

Jungkook just wants to leave.

“You’re not upsetting me Jungkook,” Taehyung sighs again. “I feel like I am always messing up when it comes to you. Seven years ago and now.” He looks into Jungkook’s eyes. “Why can’t I just say what I mean to you? Why is it so hard?” Taehyung says mostly to himself.

Taehyung’s gaze is like a weight holding Jungkook in place. On impulse, the youngest man reaches over and grabs hold of Jimin’s hand, trying to steady himself.

“It’s okay Kookie,” Jimin places his hand over Jungkook’s. “I think we all need to talk, don’t you? You have been holding a lot of things on your own for seven years. It’s time we clear the air and maybe all have a chance for a fresh start.” Jimin smiles at the man and hopes it is reassuring.

Jungkoo blinks, unsure of how to respond his emotions are a jumbled mess.

“I don’t understand. What could we possibly have to talk about, hyung? If you feel guilty, you don’t have to. I know why you said what you did back then. It hurt at first, but then I realized it was true, all of it. I live every day knowing how little I am worth. My father told me almost exactly the same thing, not even two hours after you that day. So, if this is an apology don’t bother. You can’t be sorry for the truth.” The words create a wider hole in Jungkook's soul as they leave his lips.

The walls feel like they are closing in on Jungkook. The chair screeches hard against the floor as Jungkook gets up. He needs to leave, he can’t stay here any longer.

“You’re wrong Jungkook, your dad was, and is wrong,” Taehyung grabs a hold of the younger man’s arm.

Taehyung refuses to miss this opportunity even if Jungkook didn’t believe; he needed to speak his piece.

“Let go hyung, words can’t change what I am, who I am.” Tears burn Jungkook’s eyes as he talks.

He wishes he hadn’t woken up, wishes he could have stayed wrapped up in the warmth and comfort he felt earlier.

“I let go seven years ago Jungkook, and I was wrong.” Taehyung murmurs, “I am not going to make that same mistake again. If it takes the rest of my life Jungkook, I am going to show you how wrong you are. I am going to prove to you that your dad and I were wrong.”

Taehyung wonders if this is how Jungkook has been living all these years, walking around with his insides broken. Tears stream down Taehyung's face, not for himself, but for the younger man and all the pain he has been bottling up inside.

Taehyung’s tears leave Jungkook shocked. What had he done? Why was the man crying?

Jimin has been watching the interaction between the two. It finally occurs to him how lonely Jungkook must have been this entire time. He understands now how things like what he had witnessed last night could happen. Jungkook honestly didn’t think he deserved better.

“Kookie-ah,” Jimin’s voice has Jungkook turning his head in the direction of the eldest.

Jimin didn’t know what to say. So he says the thing he should have said seven years ago.

“I am sorry. I am sorry for not sticking up for you all those years ago. We, no, I should have tried harder to find you to make sure you were okay. But I was young and selfish. It hurts to know we played a hand in this, and that while we were living life and progressing. You were alone believing a lie. We want to make it right, Jungkook. We’re asking you for a chance, just one small chance to show you a different truth.”

Jungkook feels as though he is nailed to his spot. He wants to leave, needs to move. But his feet won’t cooperate so he stays rooted. Jungkook has made the 'fact' that he is nothing his reality-- his whole reality is crashing down around him.

“I don’t understand what you’re asking,” Jungkook whispers. He knew the fundamentals of Jimin’s words, he just doesn’t understand the why.

“I know,” Taehyung pulls the younger man in his arms and whispers against his hair, “I know. I am so sorry for those words, for that day. I wish I could take it all back, wipe it all from existence.”

Jungkook feels numb, “Hyung, you can’t wipe away the truth, though.”

“But it’s not the truth, Jungkook, it never was,” Taehyung repeats in the man’s ear.

And Jungkook wants to believe Taehyung and Jimin. But the last seven years have proven every word to be true. And you can’t change the truth.

Jungkook pulls out of Taehyung’s arms. He can’t stay here anymore, he doesn’t want to hear this. He is afraid he'll start to hope.

Hope is for other people.

That day he walked onto campus full of hope only to have Taehyung rip it all away. He held on to hope months after the incident praying that they would find him and say it was all a sick joke. But no one came, not Taehyung, and not his father.

“It’s too late hyung, it just is,” Jungkook says as he tries to make it to the door. “I need to go—I just, please let me go.” Jungkook pleads.

Taehyung is holding the man’s arm, and he doesn’t want to let go. He’s afraid that of what the man will do if he allows him to leave. He looks over at Jimin in desperation.

The eldest understands Taehyung’s fears he feels the same fear running through him. But Jungkook is vulnerable and hurting, and Jimin does not want to push the boy over the edge further.

“Okay,” Jimin says as he takes a deep breath. “Okay. Tae, let go of Jungkook’s arm,” Jimin gently dislodges the man’s hand from Jungkook.

Taehyung’s eyes grow wide.

“Jungkook we can’t force you to believe. Honestly, if I had spent as much time living in this darkness as you have, I would start to feel all those horrible things were true too. But what I can do is ask you to allow us to prove you wrong. Just give us a chance Kookie-ah, please.”

Jimin swipes at a tear that is rolling down Jungkook’s face on impulse. The action causes the single tear to turn into a flood.

Jungkook tried not to cry, but Jimin’s hand on his face broke every reserve he had built up. His walls don't crumble, but tiny cracks are beginning to form. As the sobs rocked Jungkook's body, he feels warm hands engulf him and hears Taehyung’s voice in his ears.

“Cry as much as you need Kookie, we’ll be here, for as long as it takes. This time you won’t be alone.” Taehyung’s voice is soft and soothing.

They stay like that till Jungkook’s sobs subside, and all that can be heard are light whimpers and rough hitched breathing.

Jungkook hasn’t cried for himself in seven years; he didn’t think he deserved it. But here in Taehyung’s arms he cried for all he had lost, and for all he’d never be able to regain. He cried because this is the first time someone had told him they would stay, for as long as it takes.

Jungkook isn’t ready to believe just yet; he’s been disappointed too many times. But maybe, just maybe he’d give them what they asked for.

_A chance to prove him wrong._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, yes that was traumatizing, but there is a small window of hope. And FINALLY an apology.
> 
> Guys on a real "non-fanfic" note. The goal of this story is not just entertainment, but for us to realize that what we say and do (no matter how small) can have a devastating impact on others. We all want others to care about our feelings so in turn we should do the same.
> 
> Sorry for the preachy. But in the famous words of Ellen Degeneres. "Be kind to one another." 
> 
> As always let me know what you think.
> 
> Happy Reading,
> 
> Lulu


	12. Foot In The Door

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Namjoon unwittingly helps Taehyung.

Taehyung has not seen Jungkook or heard from him for the last two days, and the older man is going out of his mind with worry. He is honestly not sure where he stands with the younger man, even after their emotionally draining encounter. Jungkook had said that he’d give them a chance. But the silence has Taehyung worried that Jungkook has changed his mind.

 

Taehyung has been pacing around his living room for the past hour or so; flip-flopping between wanting to knock on Jungkook’s door, and leaving the man alone, waiting for the other to initiate contact.

 

Taehyung runs his hand through his hair in mild frustration; he has no idea where he and Jimin stand with the younger man.

 

Although, Jungkook had said agreed to Taehyung's request, the youngest prefaced it with, “But it will be useless, this is just who I am.”

 

Deciding that he didn’t want to rock Jungkook’s boat any further, Taehyung opts for a trip to the gym to work out his anxiety. The man changes into workout clothes, grabs his key card and heads to the door.

 

The hallway is quiet, and Taehyung is slightly disappointed, he had been hoping to “accidentally” run into the younger man.

 

As he waits for the elevator, Taehyung sneaks a peek in the direction of Jungkook’s door, silently praying for it to open.

 

Taehyung turns around when the elevator arrives. He jumps, startled to see the blonde he had seen leaving Jungkook’s apartment several weeks ago step out.

 

Taehyung swallows down the tightness he feels in his stomach.

The blonde bows politely as he steps out. Taehyung returns the gesture.

 

The blonde man begins to walk away, but stops and turns to face Taehyung.

“This may sound strange, and I'm sorry for intruding on your day, but are you Kim Taehyung?” The man’s voice is deep, and Taehyung once again can see why Jungkook is smitten.

 

“Yes, I am,” Taehyung replies.

 

“Well this fortuitous indeed,” the blonde man smiles and dimples appear on his cheeks.

 

Taehyung finds himself smiling back, something about the man feels warm.

“My name is Kim Namjoon. I am the creator of FaceTek,” the blonde extends his hand.

 

“Ahh,” Taehyung says. “The facial recognition software company. Wait, you designed that?” Taehyung is genuinely impressed. The design is advanced, and he had pictured a much older person as the designer.

 

“Yes, I did,” Namjoon’s deep voice resounds with pride. “My partner, Jung Hoseok, and I had the idea in our junior year of college, after having our passwords hacked one too many times.”

 

“I have to admit, I was a little skeptical of the idea when it was first presented to me. However, the feedback we've received after running the market analysis has been very encouraging. I think I have a meeting booked sometime next week to meet with your partner, Jun Hoseok, was it?” Taehyung says, trying to remember the name the blonde man had given earlier.

 

Namjoon laughs, “Close, it’s Jung Hoseok. Yes, he told me. I appreciate you taking the time to furnish us an opportunity.” The man’s voice is sincere.

 

“I look forward to his presentation. Will you be attending the meeting as well?” Taehyung asks, part of him wanting to get to know the man that Jungkook is so close to.

 

“No, but I wish that I could be there. I have a prior engagement.” The blonde answers, and Taehyung swears he can hear the disappointment in Namjoon’s voice.

 

“Well,” Taehyung says, an idea brewing in his brain. “I have some free time now, care to give me a brief overview?”

 

The plan was two-fold, because firstly, Taehyung honestly does want to be more knowledgeable about the product prior to the meeting. Secondly, and possibly the real reason Taehyung suggests this, Namjoon would have to let Jungkook know about his plans. Taehyung hopes this leads to him being able to see the younger man, if only for a moment.

 

Namjoon seems genuinely torn, Taehyung can see it in the blonde's eyes.

“Uhmm, I am here to visit a friend,” Namjoon says slowly, not wanting to miss the opportunity to sit with Taehyung and show the CEO why he needs to partner with FaceTek.

 

But Namjoon hasn’t seen Jungkook in two weeks, and the younger called him out of the blue this morning, the blonde hates to disappoint the younger man. Namjoon turns to Taehyung eyebrows drawn as he contemplates his next move.

 

“잠깐만 주세요.” The blonde requests as he turns and heads in the direction of Jungkook's door.

 

Taehyung nods, but follows the blonde. The CEO gives himself a mental high five because his plan worked. He would be able to see Jungkook without forcing himself on the younger man.

 

Namjoon pulls a keycard out of his pocket, and Taehyung has to fight the emotions that are hitting his heart at the sight.

 

How close are they?

 

Taehyung stands just outside the door, as Namjoon walks into the suite. The CEO peeks his head in, he just needs to see Jungkook, he just wants to see for himself the other man is fine.

 

“Hyung!” Jungkook throws his arms around Namjoon when he sees the blonde, and pulls him into a passionate kiss.

 

Taehyung knows he should look away, but he can’t. He is not sure why, because Jungkook doesn’t belong to him. And based on their very rocky past, the man never will. But right now, all Taehyung wants to do is rip Jungkook out of Namjoon’s arms and get him as far away from the blonde as possible.

 

Stop dreaming Taehyung. You destroyed any chance of that happening seven years ago.

 

Taehyung moves back into the hall; he doesn’t want Jungkook to see him.

A few minutes later Namjoon comes back outside, and Taehyung is expecting him to decline the offer for an impromptu meeting.

 

“Uhmm, I was wondering—I know it’s not very professional and all, but could my friend come too?” Namjoon asks guardedly.

 

“You mean Jungkook?” Taehyung knows he sounds shocked, but he prays Namjoon is too distracted to notice.

 

“Yes!” Namjoon answers a bit too excitedly.

 

“D-does he know I wil— I mean is that okay with him?” Taehyung would kick himself for stuttering, but he is just happy he saved himself from saying too much.

 

“Yes, he said it would be fine. Is it okay with you? I mean it is kind of a business meeting, and I don’t want you to have a bad first impression of me.” Namjoon's eyebrows bunch in concern.

 

“No, it's good, perfect in fact. Plus, it is more of a getting to know the man behind the product type of meeting. And that’s best done in a laid back setting, don’t you think?” Taehyung says, unable to hide the excitement in his voice.

 

Not only will Taehyung be able to see Jungkook, but it also seems that he will be spending the day with him. Taehyung decides right then and there; he’s signing FaceTek. Namjoon is his new best friend and his link to Jungkook.

 

Jungkook walks out his front door slowly. His mind is jumbled. He has been avoiding Taehyung, unwilling to buy into the hope the older man was selling just yet. Too much has happened for Jungkook to just blindly accept that somehow everything would just miraculously be perfect from this point on. This was real life, not a fairy-tale.

Jungkook bows his greeting to Taehyung, unable to find his words. The youngest loops his arms through Namjoon’s, using the older man as a shield of protection.

 

The three walk to the elevator with Namjoon excitedly talking about how surprised Hoseok will be to hear about this meeting. Then the blonde turns to Jungkook.

 

“Jungkook, you have never said yes to going out with me before. If I were a teenage girl, I’d be writing the events of this day in my diary,” Namjoon says with a small laugh.

 

Jungkook looks at Namjoon in confusion.

 

“Is that true hyung? I have never said yes to going out with you?” Jungkook thinks back on all their encounters and realizes the man’s statement is true. All their time together had been indoors, or to be more precise, in bed.

 

“Nope, this is the first time,” Namjoon fluffs the younger man’s hair playfully, and again Taehyung’s stomach lurches in defeat. “Yup, wasn’t until I told you that I had a meeting with Taehyung-ssi, that you agreed.”

 

Jungkook’s eyes widen at the comment. He wants to protest, but there is some truth in Namjoon’s words. He may not be ready to open the door all the way to Taehyung, but he is curious. Namjoon’s presence offered the security blanket Jungkook was looking for to make the first step.

As they enter the elevator, Taehyung catches Jungkook’s eyes, smiles and mouths the words, “Thank you.”

 

Jungkook nods and pulls Namjoon closer.

 

The youngest is scared of the flutter he felt when Taehyung smiled. It's not just scary, it's terrifying because the door to Taehyung's world, the one he wanted to enter seven years ago, is locked, and Jungkook knows very well that he can never enter. However, Namjoon’s door has always been open and maybe, just maybe, Jungkook is ready to take a step inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys, the past couple chapters have offered some breathers. As Jungkook tries to figure out his pain. Just so you know Namjoon will shake things up. So, I am preparing you in advance. Thanks for reading. Be sure to comment, kudos, or mail me actual cookies if you like the story.  
> Also thanks to my friend Heera (blaqandwhite for helping me with this chapter). You're the BEST!  
> Happy Reading  
> Lulu


	13. When Will This Be Real?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jongin returns and Jungkook is surprised by what the man wants.

Jungkook can’t handle it any longer. He can't handle the looks of expectation hiding behind questioning eyes, wordlessly asking him to make a decision. The pressure is coming from every direction that the youngest man looks, Taehyung, Namjoon, and Jimin, each wanting things that the dark-haired man isn’t ready to give. The silent burden is deafening, and the writer wants to scream or rip his skin off. Jungkook feels like he is being crushed under the pressure which is coming in the form of happy smiles, requests to hang out, and people showing up at his door without notice.

 

Over the last seven years, Jungkook has grown accustomed to his brand of self-destructive solitude, and this new and constant invasion of his privacy is wearing him thin. He needs a break, a distraction. The man grabs his coat, intending to head to his favorite spot, a no-name hole in the wall bar located in the not so savory part of town. He is sure his extra clingy hyungs won’t be anywhere near there, and after a few drinks, the young man is certain he will finally be able to breathe because right now the air feels more like a sea threatening to fill his lungs and drown him from the inside.

 

Jungkook is waiting impatiently for the elevator door to open. He's on edge, like a hiker hanging from a cliff, and his skin feels like it has a million tiny ants crawling on it, each taking tiny bites out of the man's soul. The writer is genuinely worried that there is something wrong with his internal makeup because normal people enjoy it when others want to be around them; it means they are loved and cared for. Humans are not supposed to be alone, and Jungkook knows that, but he also knows that he is not good with people, and that they make him uneasy and jittery.

 

The state of mind intensifies by a million when he is around Taehyung. Jungkook is so aware of his shortcomings when he is near the other man because he knows he will never ever measure up to the older man. Taehyung’s smile is like sunshine; it spreads from the older man’s face to his eyes, and then lights up whatever room he is in. That smile can also warm Jungkook’s cold heart in ways that younger man doesn’t understand. But Taehyung’s smile is painful as well, because it reminds Jungkook of how little he smiles, and the fact that most of his smiles are fake, a charade meant to entice readers, and fool those around him into believing he is normal.

 

The elevator doors _finally_ open and Jungkook steps in and breathes a sigh of relief for two reasons; 1) Taehyung is not on the other side, and 2) he is one step closer to feeling more at ease. He makes it to the parking lot with no interruptions, and he feels a little pang of disappointment, a direct contrast to how he has been feeling for most of the day. Jungkook wonders if maybe he is not so different from the rest of humanity after all. The writer stands in front of his vehicle and hits the button to open the door, the familiar beep of the alarm being disarmed causing a smile to paint Jungkook’s lips, but as he approaches the driver's side door, something makes him stop.

 

“Jungkook-ssi?” A female's voice makes the dark-haired man turn around, “Ahh, it is you. I thought so,” the woman’s smile is as engaging as ever, “See, Taehyung-ah, I told you it was him.”

 

“Mm, you did,” Taehyung replies to Hani, but his eyes are firmly fixed on Jungkook.

 

Jungkook can feel it immediately, Taehyung’s gaze. It's as though the older man is trying to gauge his state, and it dawns on Jungkook for the first time that maybe Taehyung is nervous around him as well, although he can’t fathom why he would be.

 

“Hani-ssi, nice to see you again,” Jungkook bows politely, wanting to keep his fan happy. Jungkook avoids eye contact with Taehyung as he bows to the man as well.

 

The woman’s smile widens, slightly smitten that her favorite author remembers her name.

 

“Jungkook-ah,” Taehyung says slowly, “Hani and I are going to grab something to eat and maybe catch a movie, uhmm, do you want to join us?

 

Jungkook is shocked because for a brief moment he honestly considers the request, the thought of spending time with Taehyung makes his heart beat faster. But unlike seven years ago, the excessive beating is not just one of a boy in front of his crush. Instead, now it reminds him that Taehyung is a mirror in front of him, plainly reflecting all of his own imperfections to him.

 

“Thank you for the invite hyung, but I already have plans to meet a friend,” the younger lies to Taehyung, and he is not sure why.

 

Taehyung has been noticing it more and more, the tightening of his core everytime Jungkook states that he is going to see a “friend.” It conjures up pictures of Jungkook kissing Namjoon passionately, and Taehyung finds himself fighting the desire to beg the man not to go.

 

“Oh...no problem, maybe next time,” the young CEO replies, although every fiber of his being wants to grab a hold of Jungkook’s ankle like an indignant child, and plead with the younger man to stay with him.

 

“Mmm, maybe next time. Nice to see you both, have a good night,” Jungkook says before jumping into the driver’s seat of his Porsche.

 

The younger man waves at the couple as he drives away. He feels a sting of something, but he isn't sure of what, as he watches Taehyung place his hand on the woman’s back and led her away.

 

“That’s right Jungkook, he was never yours,” the man says to himself as he switches the gears of his car and zooms away.

 

The bar is just like he remembers it, dark and seedy with dim lights meant to shield the identities of the patrons. The inhabitants are all there for the same reasons, to hide and bury their worries, fears, and disappointments at the bottom of a bottle. For the more adventurous, scantily clad women are readily available to offer other more _active_ means of problem-solving.

 

The vodka burns as it goes down when Jungkook chugs it straight, no chaser. With each swig of alcohol, his anxieties begin to dissipate, and his mind is free from the ghosts of the three men trying to worm their way into his world. A hand on his shoulder has him turning around, and Jungkook is met with what can only be described as a lust filled gaze. A woman wearing a fishnet teddy with cut-outs covering her breast and crotch, leans into the young man’s space.

 

“Hey handsome, looking for a better way to drown you sorrows?” The woman’s tone offering Jungkook anything he wants, _anything_.

 

The slightly drunk man is about to answer but is interrupted.

 

“Don’t even try sweetheart, you’re not his type,” a familiar drawl seeps into Jungkook's slightly inebriated brain.

 

The woman flips the owner of the voice the bird, and walks away to find another willing partner or victim.

 

The man slips onto the stool beside Jungkook, “Haven’t seen you here for a while,” Jongin says as he beckons the bartender over.

 

“Been busy hyung, plus after our last encounter I needed time to recoup,” Jungkook shuddered a little at the memory of the night Jongin fucked him into unconsciousness.

 

Jongin smiles, his mind also drifting back to the same evening. Only to his surprise, his mind doesn't drift to the moments of breaking the younger man; instead, the memory that comes to mind is that of falling asleep against Jungkook’s warm, soft skin. It had been the best sleep the older man had had in awhile.

 

“Wanna get out of here?” Jongin asks, apprehension evident in his tone. This is the first time in a while that the dark skinned man had wanted to take someone home for something other than dirty rough sex, “I promise to not do anything that will hurt you, I-I, it’s just that – I –.” Jongin takes a gulp of his drink, “Fuck what the hell is going on? Look, I'm screwed up, and I'm sure you're well aware of that, but so are you, it’s part of the reason we always find each other. Tonight I just want someone to hold though, I just need to feel warmth, so—,” Jongin exhales deeply, “Do you want to get outta here or not?”

 

Jungkook’s alcoholic fog clears almost instantly. Jongin has never, in all the years that he has been wreaking havoc on Jungkook’s body, been this open or bare before. The younger man swallows hard, yes he wants warmth too, he needs to feel something real that doesn’t require an answer from him. He tilts his head to take in Jongin’s expression, and he sees the man looking wrecked, as if his world was crashing down around him, and his eyes told Jungkook he just needed someone to help him hold it together.

 

The writer slowly nods,”Yeah, let’s get outta here.”

 

Jongin visibly sighs in relief at the answer, and they are both a little taken aback by the man’s reaction.

 

The ride to Jongin’s is quiet. Neither of them have much to say, but Jungkook has been turning over Jongin’s statement about them both being fucked up in his brain. Jungkook has never compared himself to the other man, because it has honestly never dawned on him that Jongin’s actions are due to anything else other than a heightened awareness of his white hot good looks.

 

They make it to Jongin’s apartment, and it is the first time after having known the other for roughly seven years that Jungkook has really taken in the surroundings. The apartment is retro chic, a perfect balance between old and new. A light gray modular couch arranged in an L-shape with an old school shag carpet thrown in front of it creates a seamless effect of past and present in the living room.

 

“Uhm, you thirsty or something?” Jongin asks, unsure of how to act. The words pull Jungkook’s eyes away from his surroundings.

 

“Yeah, water would be good,” Jungkook nods his head as he answers. They are tense around each other, both hesitant in their actions.

 

“This is weird, isn’t it?” Jongin blurts out; he is not good with conversation.

 

Jungkook can’t help the small laugh that leaves him, and it seems to be what was needed to break some of the excessive anxiety in the room, “Yes, it’s awkward as fuck hyung, seriously, why are you even this nervous?”

 

“I'm not good with people, and even worse at conversation. The words get jumbled in my head and I just look dumb,” Jongin answers as he hands the younger man a bottle of water.

 

“Really?” Jungkook can’t hide his shock since the older man always exudes such confidence and strength, especially when he is pounding into your flesh.

 

“Yeah, don’t look so surprised. I'm human too you know?” Jongin replies.

 

“I know, it’s just that, well, you always seem so, so _together_ ,” Jungkook is still a bit flabbergasted that they're having this conversation.

 

“We all have our own mask, you know? Yours is to let people like me walk all over you, and wallow in self-pity. Mine is to dominate people like you, and wallow in self-pity. It’s the opposite end of the same coin, I guess,” Jongin takes a seat at the counter in front of a still standing Jungkook.

 

“Thought you said you were bad at conversation?” Jungkook can’t help the smirk.

 

“I think it may come easy with you, because a part of me knows you get it,” Jongin replies.

 

“Yeah, I do,” Jungkok answers quietly, suddenly not wanting to talk anymore.

 

The younger man walks forward and stands directly in front of Jongin. He places his water on the counter behind the man before leaning in to kiss the man’s lips. The kiss is soft, nothing like the hungry, nearly painful kisses they had shared in previous times. This kiss hurt as well though, but not physically; it hurt _mentally_ because both men are acutely aware that they want this - love and affection, only not with each other.

 

Despite the knowledge, Jongin angles his head to deepen the kiss, and he hums in contentment against Jungkook’s lips when the younger man’s tongue curls against his and licks into his mouth. A tingle of something like lust, but more like the warmth Jongin has been wanting, begins to crawl up his spine, and the dark skinned man sneaks his arms around Jungkook’s waste, pulling the younger man closer and locking him in place.

 

Jungkook palms Jongin cheek, kissing him harder and sinking his teeth slightly into the dark skinned man’s lower lip, swallowing the man’s gasp, making Jongin shiver against Jungkook's body. The older of the two is the first to break the contact, both men needing to catch their breath. Jongin takes Jungkook by the hand before standing up from his seat; he leads the younger man to the bedroom.

 

“No sex, okay? I mean if that’s okay—if you want to, you know, I will,” Jongin feels silly asking to not have sex when it’s clear by the bulge in his pants and the way his insides are burning with desire that he does, physically anyway. Mentally, however, he just wants to hold on to something that won’t disappear in the night.

 

“Okay, no sex, I am okay with that,” and Jungkook really is, he’s tired, and Jongin has him questioning the _why_ of his own actions. Is this person he had become over the last seven years really just a mask? If that’s true, then where is the “real” Jungkook, the man wonders.

 

They get into bed, and it’s awkward at first, neither knowing where to touch or how to hold each other, but Jungkook tables the silent concerns when he slots his legs in between Jongin’s and snuggles his head in the crook of the man’s neck and shoulder. Jungkook feels warm, and sleep comes quickly to Jongin, he wraps his arm around the younger man’s back and pulls Jungkook closer before drifting off into dreamland.

 

For the first time in a long while, both men fall into a contented sleep. But before darkness completely takes over, both of them silently ask themselves the same question:

 

_When will this be real?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while, huh? Sorry Guys, I am going to try to do better, but I have such limited time lately. This chapter is a bit angsty and sad. But oddly I like the way it turned out. Also, I know many people read but don't comment, but I really want to know what you all think. So, please comment even if it is just one word.
> 
> Happy Reading
> 
> Lulu


	14. Kim Taehyung  And Other Bad Life Choices

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Taehyung is the best bad decision Jungkook has ever made.

It has been four days since Jungkook’s encounter with Jongin, and the man’s words still ring in the writer’s ear. Jungkook hadn't realized it before, but the man’s words were true in many ways. For the last seven years, Jungkook had been hiding behind a mask of his own creation, finding ways to numb the pain without ever dealing with the real problem. Jongin’s statement replays in his mind as the young man stares at the computer screen, willing for inspiration to come because he has a chapter due.

 

 _We all have our own mask, you know? Yours is to let people like me walk all over you, and wallow in self-pity. Mine is to dominate people like_ you, _and wallow in self-pity. It’s the opposite end of the same coin, I guess._

 

Does he do that, does he allow people to walk all over him? That day in the atrium with Taehyung shouldn’t have been enough to push him over the edge, and Jungkook knows it. But still, whenever the man thinks of the moment that broke him, the crucial time when it clicked that he wasn’t worth anything and all the trying, wishing, and hoping in the world wouldn’t change that, that day comes to mind.

 

Jungkook had walked into school that day hopeful thinking that life was about to change, that he was about to embark on an adventure. After all, they had sought him out. Jimin had said that Taehyung wanted to meet him, and when Jungkook had questioned as to why, Jimin had simply said, _“Tae is finally getting brave enough to go after something he wants.”_

 

Jungkook had foolishly believed that what the older boy wanted was him. But when Taehyung opened his mouth and shattered all of Jungkook’s dreams into a million tiny pieces before trampling on them, it was at that moment that Jungkook closed the door to believing in himself. Because if super smiley, always happy and optimistic Kim Taehyung thought he was trash, then surely no one else would see anything good in him.

 

Jungkook gets up from the computer and walks to the kitchen, his mind is racing and too many feelings are hitting him at the same time. His brain is buzzing and a low throb is beginning to form in his temple as he thinks back to recent a conversation with Taehyung.

 

_“I let go seven years ago Jungkook, and I was wrong.”_

_What the fuck does that even mean, and why the hell should I care?_

 

Have these past seven years of self-hate really been built on a lie? Is he worth loving? Jungkook has not once in this entire time believed that he was anything but a waste of space. He had thought many times about ending it all and doing the world a favor, and he had gotten close on one occasion too, but ultimately he was too much of a chicken to do it.

 

The buzzing of his phone momentarily distracts him.

 

“Hello?”

 

“Uhm, hi,” Namjoon’s voice is reluctant.

 

“Hey hyung, do you need something?” Jungkook asks, worried that something is wrong. They don’t have a “real” relationship, but Jungkook is usually the initiator of phone calls, and he likes it that way.

 

“No no, nothing’s wrong, just, you know checking--,” Namjoon

 

“On?” Jungkook questions because what could Namjoon be checking on?

 

“You,” Namjoon takes a deep breath, “Okay, that’s a lie. I want to ask you a question,” Namjoon states.

 

“Okay fire away,” Jungkook says cheerfully, happy to be distracted from his thoughts.

 

“Okay, I-uh, I wanted to see if, you know, maybe you’d like to do something with me sometime? O-out of the house I mean,” Namjoon’s voice quivers around the question.

 

_Fuck!_

 

It’s really the first answer that comes to mind, but luckily it is not the one he renders to the older man.

 

“Y-you mean, like, like a date?” Jungkook swallows hard around the question.

 

_This, this is all Taehyung’s fault._

 

If the man hadn’t stepped back in Jungkook’s life, stirring the pot and telling the writer that he was wrong seven years ago, Jungkook wouldn’t be wondering if he needed to give Namjoon a chance. He wouldn’t be wondering if he needed to make some life changes, if he really had a chance at happiness.

 

“Yeah, maybe like a date – but it doesn’t have to be that, we could, you know just hang out,” Namjoon stutters out the reply, and Jungkook smiles because although he can’t see it, he knows the older man is blushing.

 

“Uhm, hyung,” Jungkook is about to turn the man down because one does not date or lead their _‘are you busy’_ friend on.

 

Namjoon serves a purpose, which is sexual distraction. He is not there to be dated, and they’re not supposed to engage in anything outside of the bedroom. Jungkook has known for a while how Namjoon feels, but the older has never been bold enough to ask before. The young man can’t lie; he does like Namjoon. The man is attentive, gentle, loving, stupidly gorgeous, and he also treats Jungkook like he is the most special person in the world. That is a big part of why Jungkook has never really considered giving the blonde a chance, because he knows Namjoon will ultimately realize the truth and be disappointed.

 

However, when the answer to Namjoon’s question finally leaves Jungkook’s mouth, both he and Namjoon are surprised by it.

 

“Sure, why not?” Jungkook replies, completely baffled that his answer is in the affirmative.

 

_This is all Kim Taehyung’s fucking fault._

 

“Wait, what? Really?!” Namjoon’s shock feels oddly pleasant to Jungkook, the man’s reaction is like a kid getting what he really wanted for Christmas.

 

“I, not like a date though hyung, but hanging out would be okay, I guess,” Jungkook throws in quickly.

 

“No, I mean yeah, that’s – okay, you just said yes,” Namjoon says, flustered.

 

“Yes, hyung, I said yes.”

 

“Then, uhmm would you like to maybe meet for coffee or something tomorrow?” Namjoon wants to strike when the iron is hot.

 

_Fuck, that was quick._

 

“S-sure, maybe in the late afternoon, I have to finish up a chapter and run a couple of errands. There’s a really great café just around the corner from my building, by the bus stop,” Jungkook offers, some place close to home creates an easy escape if needed.

 

“Yeah, I know the place. How about closer to evening, though? Taehyung’s rght-hand man, Jimin is no joke, I’m a bit scared of him.”

 

Namjoon’s joke makes Jungkook’s stomach jump. The blonde was getting too close by emerging himself in Jungkook’s world, which until recently (before Taehyung’s return) had only had one occupant; him. Jungkook forces himself to not renege on coffee by biting down on his bottom lip. Fear is natural, and if he’s going to start making changes, or at least start figuring out if there is more to him than the last seven years, he needs to open the door to new opportunities, no matter how frightening it may seem.

 

“Okay, see you then,” the younger man ends the call quickly so he doesn’t back out.

 

Jungkook is in a state of emotional crisis, because what the fuck did he just agree too?

 

He grabs the OJ from the refrigerator, he really wants alcohol, but he’s making “right life” changes, and alcohol before actual food is probably the opposite of correct. The critic taste of the juice burns his throat, and Jungkook didn’t realize how dry his mouth was till now. He sighs and continues to swallow down the liquid.

 

The buzzing of his doorbell startles him. Did Namjoon decide to come over? Jungkook hopes not because he’s not ready for their meeting, not yet at least. But when Jungkook looks at the screen to see who it is, he suddenly wishes it was Namjoon instead.

 

_Fuck, fuck, fuck! Why the hell is he here?_

 

Taehyung’s face on the screen sends Jungkook into a tailspin. The other man has been doing this a lot, showing up unannounced, and a couple of times, Jungkook had just stood watching the man on the screen without answering the door. Taehyung would stand out there waiting expectantly, and Jungkook contemplates letting this be another one of those days.

 

He doesn’t know why he opens the door, doesn’t know why he lets Taehyung in, and as they stand there staring awkwardly at each other, something inside Jungkook snaps.

 

“What the fuck hyung, why are you are you here? Stop trying so hard to invade my life, it’s confusing as fuck,” the younger man is emotionally heated and he can’t for the life of him make himself stop speaking, “It's so hard to push you away. Because when you’re around, when you’re near – I just want to pull you close,” Jungkook’s voice shakes.

 

Tears are pooling at Jungkook’s eyes. How the fuck does Taehyung have so much control of his emotions? Jungkook’s body is quivering, and he feels like he can’t breathe. The younger man has been holding these feelings inside him for seven years, never thinking he’d get the opportunity to say them. That day seven years ago, he had wanted to become part of Taehyung’s world, and now the tables have turned. But right now, Jungkook still feels like that kid walking onto campus, only instead of expectation there is now fear; fear that if he opens the door, Taehyung will just put up another door, with padlocks and undecipherable keycodes.

 

They both stand there in silence, and the picture in Taehyung’s mind is that of an old school western film. They are in front of each other, in cowboy shoot out stances, waiting to see who'll draw first. Jungkook’s words sit in Taehyung’s stomach like a stack of bricks, and he feels as though he is being tethered in place by the invisible weight.

 

Taehyung is not sure why he rang the man’s door, fuck that’s a lie. He knows damn well why he did it, he was leaving the office for a meeting when he overheard Namjoon’s conversation with Jungkook. Taehyung didn’t wait to hear the end, he didn’t want to know if Jungkook said yes or no to the blonde. His car doesn’t make it to the meeting; instead he finds himself in front of Jungkook’s door.

 

The CEO’s is angry, because _he_ was the one that asked Jungkook for a chance, _he_ wanted to be the one to have coffee with Jungkook, _he_ wanted the other man to smile at _him_ shyly and kiss _him_ passionately. Taehyung had asked for the opportunity, _so why the fuck was Namjoon the one getting the opening?_

 

Taehyung draws first, his gun of choice being his lips on Jungkook’s. The older braces himself for rejection, for Jungkook to push him away, but when the younger man sighs and kisses back as though he’s being waiting forever for this to happen, Taehyung pulls the trigger.

 

The kiss isn’t heated or desperate like Taehyung pictured it would be, but it's needy nonetheless. There is a gentle thrum of pleasure building in Taehyung’s stomach, Jungkook’s lips are soft and willing, and kissing the man is ten thousand times better when sober. Taehyung feels Jungkook’s hand fisting the collar of his dress shirt and pulling him closer, and Taehyung allows it, pushing into the younger man.

 

A throaty moan escapes Jungkook when Taehyung’s lips move from his mouth and start trailing kisses along his jawline to the crook of his neck, and Jungkook tightens his hold on Taehyung’s collar. They should stop, this shouldn’t be happening, but oh God Taehyung’s teeth on his neck are making him forget why this is wrong, why this could be the worst life choice Jungkook has made to date.

 

While Taehyung may be Jungkook’s problem, it doesn’t mean the older man is the solution, in fact, Jungkook knows he’s not. However, it doesn’t seem to matter as they stumble toward the bedroom, or when Taehyung throws Jungkook on his bed with hooded eyes, lust dripping from the older man like water in a shower. Jungkook shudders because this is a bad idea, a really, really bad idea. But the younger man can’t seem to care, he wants this, he’s always wanted this, or so he tells himself.

 

_Fuck it, this may be my best bad idea ever._

 

With that thought, Jungkook completely gives in, and Taehyung claims his prize.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update, I hope you guys like the chapter. As always kudos, comment, or send cookies, but mostly comment if you like the chapter. I would love to hear your opinions and thoughts. 
> 
> Happy Reading
> 
> Lulu


	15. I Intend To Win The War (Namjoon Can Have This Battle)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of sex for Kookie finds Taehyung in his bed, and Namjoon at his door.

Jungkook wakes up to warmth. It’s the same feeling one gets from sitting in the sun on a perfect summer day, letting the rays engulf you. The writer’s body is throbbing, but not in pain, in satisfaction; like he'd just had the world’s best workout. A slow grin spreads across his face because he feels happy, maybe even content. Now if only he can figure out why.

 

The young man snuggles deeper in his covers, enjoying the toastiness, and as he rolls a bit to his side, Jungkook’s toes, impact something that is not quite the mattress nor the blankets, so what—

 

_Holy mother of all things holy!_

 

Jungkook remembers…

 

Taehyung.

 

Him.

 

Sex.

 

_Shit!_

 

The man tries to escape from the bed like a refugee from a prison camp, nearly falling as he throws the covers off him. He grabs his clothes from the floor and gets dressed on the way out the door. Jungkook’s mind is running at a thousand miles per millisecond. He slept with Taehyung, or in more precise words, he was reduced into a pleasurable mess by a very skilled Kim Taehyung, who most certainly is as good in bed as he is in everything else.

 

And _fuck_ , Jungkook is screwed (literally) because maybe, jus maybe, he _liked_ it. The writer makes it to the living room where he begins pacing at a speed that threatens to rub a hole in his wood floors.

 

_What were you thinking Jeon Jungkook?_

 

_Clearly, I wasn’t fucking thinking?_

 

_Why’d I open the door? I shouldn’t have opened the door._

 

_Damn, damn, damn._

 

Jungkook’s internal diatribe is interrupted by the doorbell and the man’s freakout session grows stronger, because this moment feels like the point in every movie where the music changes and you know shit's about to hit the fan. When Jungkook looks at the screen to see who's at the door, he feels it, his blood pressure rising to dangerous levels, like the heart rupture kind. Jungkook was right, the worst has just happened because on the viewer in living color is none other than Kim Namjoon, dimpled smile and all.

 

_Fuck!_

 

Jungkook is not prepared to handle this, any of it, Taehyung, Namjoon, life and everything inside of the young man is screaming _run, hide, escape_. But he can’t escape because there is nowhere to go. Taehyung is in his bed, and Namjoon is at his door. And right now, Jungkook feels like an animal caught in a hunter’s trap; broken, bleeding and absolutely petrified.

 

The man stands frozen like an ice sculpture, his mind flitting through all the possibly ways this scenario could play out and he jumps when the buzzer rings again.

 

_Fuck!_

 

Jungkook is a little disappointed with his mind’s automatic response, because shouldn’t a writer have a bigger vocabulary?

 

The buzzer rings once more and without any real conscious thought, Jungkook hits the button and lets the man in.

 

“Hey,” Namjoon says, a big smile on his face, “Did I wake you up?”

 

“Yeah, had a long night,” Jungkook replies, and he can feel the heat slowly rising to the surface of his face as memories of Taehyung rocking his world start to filtering into his mind.

 

“Sorry, I got worried, because it’s like two in the afternoon and-” Namjoon stops speaking and rubs the back of his neck with his hand, “Uhm, I – coffee, you…” Namjoon is a brilliant shade of red as he stutters out his response.

 

“Two, seriously?” Jungkook looks up at the grandfather clock in the foyer, “Holy shit hyung, I’m so sorry. I thought it was some time in the morning. I really did just wake up,” Jungkook replies.

 

The younger is so shocked by Namjoon’s statement about the time that he momentarily forgets about his current plight. As Jungkook heads toward his bedroom to change with a preoccupied mind, he has a nagging feeling that he’s forgotten something. Two inches from the door, he remembers and panic stealths its way up his spine, causing his heart rate to accelerate to a state of near detrimental crisis.

 

Taehyung is still in his bed. Taehyung, right now at this very minute, is in his bed.

 

_IN._

 

_MY._

 

_BED._

 

And his flight or fight reflex once again ignites and the writer chooses _flight_. He opens the door since he really needs to go inside. His eyes fall on Taehyung, who's cocooned in the sheets, _his sheets_. The older man looks peaceful, serene, beautiful, and it hurts Jungkook to see that. It hurts to know that it was a mistake, a wonderful, mindblowing, their-bodies-moving-in-unison mistake.

 

Jungkook’s mind tries to fight the memory, but Taehyung’s lips on his skin is the movie now playing on a loop in the DVR of his mind.

 

_“God you’re beautiful,” Taehyung’s voice is sincere, and Jungkook is unable to stop himself from leaning in more. He likes the sound, likes the praise, and he wants more of everything._

_He kisses back, he genuinely kisses back, and their lips graze against each other as Taehyung’s tongue enters his willing mouth. Jungkook sinks further, how long had he wanted this? Needed this? Taehyung pressed against him, telling him he was all that the older man wanted; this was all that Jungkook dreamt about._

_“Hyung-” Jungkook voice catches in his throat when Taehyung’s hand_ slides _down his body, stopping at the elastic waist of his sweatpants._

_“I'm going crazy Jungkook, I’m not even sure how I ended up here – I just, fuck,” Taehyung’s body jerks hard when Jungkook pushes forward, causing their lengths to collide._

_Jungkook doesn’t want to talk, he doesn’t want to listen, he just wants to feel. Feel Taehyung’s warmth, and swim in Taehyung’s need. The younger man wants to believe that this is real, even if it's just for a moment. He wants to believe that he’s really all that Taehyung wants. As Taehyung's lips_ make  _their way to his neck and bite into the soft flesh, Jungkook whines in pleasure and gives in to the fairytale, even if he knows that the story being told isn’t true. But tonight Jungkook loves the lie._

 

Jungkook stares at the man in his bed as his lets the memory run its course. He suddenly feels cornered, a slight fear settling inside his stomach. The feelings that Taehyung stirred up last night clearly tell the writer that the he hasn't let go, that Taehyung is still very much lodged in his system and tied to his DNA. The dream from seven years ago, the one where he was the reason Taehyung smiled, that dream is still alive and well.

 

But there is a new dream competing with the old, and that dream is standing in the living room unaware of what is going on. It’s not that Jungkook wants Namjoon over Taehyung, but Namjoon represents Jungkook letting go of his past and finally forging a way towards his future. Taehyung is his past, and that past hurts Jungkook, even though it's not intentional. Last night proves that the older man wants more too and that he feels the same, however, Jungkook can’t reciprocate, at least not yet.

 

Because it’s too late and too hard, and Jungkook feels like he and Taehyung are on opposite sides of a cliff with a chasm too deep to cross between them. He walks over to the sleeping man and swipes his fingers across Taehyung’s bangs. The gesture feels intimate, so intimate that it makes Jungkook want to reconsider, but he doesn’t.

 

“Hyung, I’m sorry about this,” Jungkook whispers against Taehyung’s skin, “I’m not ready and you’re too close and there’s too much between us,” Jungkook sighs as he gets up.

 

A hand grips Jungkook’s arm, steadying the younger man and keeping him in place for a moment before pulling him down. Almost too effortlessly, Jungkook lands on top of the blanketed Taehyung, and the older man’s arms wrap around him, pulling him into his warmth.

 

“I know,” Taehyung answers, and Jungkook can hear the sadness in the man’s voice.

 

They lay still for a while, both men absorbing the moment. It’s weird that this is what triggers it – change. It’s been slowly sneaking up on Jungkook, ever since his fateful encounter with Jongin, the knowledge that he’s been the one with the power all along. This dark cloud that has been following him for the last seven years is a weather pattern of his own choosing. And right here, right now, with Taehyung crying silently next to him, Jungkook knows it’s time to make a change. Time to give his future a chance, and it hits him that now he finally can, because Taehyung has ironically given him the strength to do so.

 

“Namjoon is here,” the words come out of Jungkook’s mouth before he can stop them.

 

“Mmm,” is all that Taehyung can say, the lump in his throat stopping any other attempt at a response.

 

“I’m sorry hyung, I-,” Jungkook needs to say it, but his throat feels dry, “I need a chance, a chance to figure this out, the opportunity I never gave myself to be me. I-I can’t find that with you, at least not yet,” Jungkook breathes again once the words are out.

 

“I know,” Taehyung knows he can’t argue, he knows it's true, but he also knows he can’t let go completely, "I can give you space, all the space you need. But I have one request, don’t disappear – shit, I made a mistake last night and I shouldn’t have come, but I’d do it again and again. So go find yourself, but don’t shut me out, please.”

 

Taehyung knows the request isn’t fair, but screw fair. He walked away seven years ago and it has haunted every day since. He had thought about the younger man continually, regret and pain coloring every memory. This was his second chance, and if he lets Jungkook walk away completely, Taehyung fears he may not get another chance.

 

As Jungkook climbs out of the bed, he answers Taehyung’s plea, “I’ll think about it, finding a place for you to fit and not hiding from you.”

 

Jungkook knows he can’t completely walk away, Taehyung is engrained inside him, woven into the fabric of his soul. It's why he’s lived like this for seven years, it’s why with he fell with one touch, it’s why it hurts to look at Taehyung and remember. As he picks out his clothes to change into, he looks over his shoulder.

 

"Hyung, let yourself out when we leave, huh?” With that, Jungkook walks out and leaves his past behind him, taking a step towards his future.

 

As the door closes behind Jungkook, Taehyung’s tears flow like a river. He needs to let go and he knows it, but he can't completely, not yet. Last night when Jungkook gave in,  _really_ gave in, and dropped all the walls and fences he had built over the last few years, Taehyung felt it - he felt complete. And the CEO knows he needs to fight, no matter how viciously the war rages, he needs to be victorious.

 

_I’ll give you space Kookie, I owe you that. But I will fight too, to the bitter end. Namjoon can have this battle. I intend to win this war._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is it wrong to say I personally like the way this chapter turned out? It's the first in a while that what was in my head hit the paper. Anyway, it's bittersweet this encounter because we all want Kookie to move on, only we were expecting Tae. But Namjoon ain't no slouch. As always kudos, comment, and today in honor of Thanksgiving, you can send pie.  
> This story will be put on an every three weeks on a Friday schedule, school, work, and life. 
> 
> Happy Thanksgiving all.
> 
> Let me know what ya'll think, and feel free to start a chat.
> 
> Happy Reading 
> 
> Lulu


	16. I Hope I'm Enough

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taehyung's in pain.  
> Jimin's a little too observant.  
> Jungkook speaks his mind.  
> Yup, a lot happens. 
> 
> Guys, I wanted to say thank you for reading, commenting, and upvoting. This story is very human and it means a lot to me. I wasn't sure if people would like it or me (I'm pretty new to A03), so the fact that you interact with me is awesome and really inspiring. Thank You so much!!!!

“What’s the matter?” Jimin’s voice pulls Taehyung from his thoughts.

 

“Nothing.” The slightly younger man doesn’t feel like answering. And he doesn’t have to -- Jimin has been friends with him long enough to know when to pry and when to let things go.

 

Apparently, though, this was a time to pry because Jimin doesn’t walk away or drop the issue; he simply replies in a manner that Taehyung doesn’t want to hear, yet _really_ needs to hear.

 

“Let him go, Tae,” is all Jimin says before leaving the man alone in his office.

 

Taehyung looks up just as Jimin closes the office door. The CEO sighs, a part of him knowing that Jimin is right; he needs to let Jungkook go. The writer has not looked back since walking out of the bedroom (and out of Taehyung’s life) some three weeks ago. The younger man hasn’t been completely heartless though -- he says “hi” and “bye” when they meet in the hallways and gives small nods of acknowledgment in passing, and it’s those little fragments of hope that Taehyung has been desperately clinging onto.

 

If Taehyung is honest with himself (something he’s trying hard not to be), all of this _just fucking hurts_. The pain is not physical; it would actually be better if it were because then Taehyung could just take medicine, or in the immortal words of his fifth-grade coach, “just walk it off.” Every time he sees Jungkook smiling with Namjoon, or talking to Namjoon, or just being in the general vicinity of _Kim Namjoon_ , Taehyung wants to rip the skin off his body and pull out his heart because that has to hurt less than this. Death would be more welcome than the ache that burns inside him like an eternal flame when he sees the person he loves being happy and finding joy with someone who isn’t him.

 

 _It just fucking hurts_.

 

He needs to get out of the office -- it’s nine at night and Taehyung’s spent the last three weeks burying himself in work trying to occupy his mind with something that is not Jungkook’s smile or Jungkook’s voice. Or the way it felt when he was buried inside Jungkook’s warmth and wrapped up in the younger man’s broken whimpers as he begged Taehyung, _“don’t stop, please don't stop.”_

 

Taehyung pulls his cell phone from his pocket and sends a text.

 

**To: needsJams**

**You’re right… let’s get outta here**

**From: needsJams**

**Mmm, where to?**

**To: needsJams**

**I don’t give a fuck**

**From: needsJams**

**Okay… meet ya at the car**

 

Taehyung grabs his jacket from the back of his chair, scoops the car keys from the desk and heads out the door towards the elevator. Tonight, he’s gonna forget about Jungkook, Namjoon, his father, being the CEO, and Hani. Tonight, he’s going to let go of everything because _fuck it_ , he's been trying to hold it together. He's been trying so goddamn hard to be the person everyone wants him to be and it’s an epic fail, so tonight, he’s gonna be reckless and wild. He’s going to get stupid drunk and fuck whoeve –

 

“Hyung, that’s not funny.” Jungkook’s voice breaks through Taehyung’s mind rant.

 

_Damn it, not now, I don’t want to see this now._

 

As Jungkook and Namjoon walk towards the elevator, Taehyung contemplates going in the opposite direction, but he’s no chicken. However, the elevator doors open before the pair arrives, and Taehyung does the most grown-up thing he can think to do - he gets in and hits the door close button, after which he hits the one for the garage. The older man is happily ignoring Jungkook’s, “Hyung, hold the door.” Yeah, he has to admit that it does feel a little good to be the one doing the ignoring.

 

When the doors open, Taehyung is greeted by Jimin’s sly smile.

 

“What’s with the grin?”

 

“That depends,” Jimin answers cryptically.

 

“On what?” Taehyung questions.

 

“How fucked up do you want to get? On a scale of one to ten?” Jimin’s asks with a wicked grin on his face.

 

“A thirty,” Taehyung answers almost immediately.

 

“Excellent!” Jimin says as he drags Taehyung to his car. “Get in.”

 

Taehyung doesn’t question it. Jimin knows him best, and the brown-haired man knows all the ways to help Taehyung release stress and forget his troubles while keeping the young CEO out of trouble. As Jimin pulls out of the parking spot, Taehyung spots Jungkook and Namjoon walking out of the elevator, and he makes a conscious effort not to look so he doesn’t have to see the other smiling and laughing. He doesn’t want to allow the pain inside him to get bigger, so he turns his head away until they are safely out of the parking lot, and he doesn’t look back in that direction till Jimin speaks.

 

“You can turn around now.”

 

“How’d you know?” Taehyung’s eyes are wide.

 

“Because Tae, I know all your signs. It’s me, remember?” Jimin replies.

 

Taehyung nods, but doesn’t reply. It’s been a long day, week, and month, and he hadn’t realized how drained he’s become while keeping up this act, while pretending he has all the answers and that everything is okay. But the truth is that nothing is okay, nothing is alright and it’s all gone to hell. Taehyung takes a deep breath, and his ears gradually focus on the swish of the tires as they roll along the street and the low hum of the heater as it warms the vehicle. The sounds are comforting and tempt his eyes to give in and close. He turns and glances at Jimin as the pull of sleep drags him deeper and deeper down, and Taehyung feels safe – yup, he’s in good hands, so he surrenders to the lull.

 

Jimin lets the man sleep. The club he plans on going to is on the outskirts of the city, and it's the kind of place that doesn’t see too many CEOs, which is perfect because Taehyung can be free to release some stress, and so can Jimin. Being Taehyung’s best friend (and somewhat in love with the man) has been hard these last couple of weeks because all Jimin wants to do is make things better, but he has no idea how. It feels to him like Taehyung’s standing on the edge of a cliff, and the slightly older man is not sure if it would be more helpful to push the younger man off, or pull him away from the edge. The decision is made more difficult as he recalls a conversation he had with Jungkook three nights ago.

 

_“Hello, and thank you all for coming,” Taehyung starts his speech._

_Jimin mentally checks out after “hello” not because Taehyung isn’t an eloquent speaker -- oh no, Taehyung is definitely great at what he does. It's because this is the part of their lifestyle that Jimin hates; launch parties and galas make the man want to gouge his eyes out with a spoon. They are launching their new web security software and are currently hosting a dinner to pique the interest of potential investors._

_Jimin knows that people are chomping at the bit to buy into the new tech; Namjoon’s and Hoseok’s product is ingenious in both its design and simplicity. You don’t have to be a genius to use the product, but you’d have to be a magician to hack it. They had tested the latter by bringing in some of the best underground hackers and letting them loose on the product, and much to everyone’s surprise, the software had won._

_The man scans the audience in search of the creators, but his eyes land on Jungkook instead. Jimin grabs a drink from a nearby table and makes his way towards the younger man. Jungkook hasn’t noticed Jimin approaching -- how could he when his eyes are glued to Taehyung’s form? The younger man is watching the CEO as though in a trance, like a person who is sleepwalking or under a hypnotic spell, but there is something else there too... something Jimin is quite familiar with (because he has shared the same feeling one too many times) – longing._

_“Careful, you don’t want to burn holes in him by staring too hard,” Jimin says, smiling when Jungkook visibly jumps. “Seems like I've discovered a secret.”_

_Jungkook blushes. “Secret?”_

_“That look you had just now, it was one of yearning -” Jimin cocks his head and glances at Jungkook, as though trying to figure something out, “like you know what you’re missing. Like you know what’s hiding underneath the well-tailored suit.”_

_Jungkook’s eyes widen and Jimin watches in awe as fear flitters across the man’s face. And at that moment, it hits_ Jimin,what _it is that Jungkook knows—_

_“Holy fuck, did you sleep with him?!” Jimin keeps his voice low, but a tinge of surprise still covers the words._

_Jungkook doesn’t need to respond, Jimin knows the answer already. The man’s nervous twitch and inability to look Jimin in the eye are clear indicators that he has guessed correctly._

_“How? When? Why, why?” Jimin’s mind is in a fog of confusion - why hadn’t Taehyung said anything?_

_“Hyung, this is not the place_ – _please.” Jungkook’s voice is pleading._

_“Fine, come with me,” Jimin says as he puts his drink down and leads the younger man away._

_They walk to a small room located in the corner of the ballroom. The room is empty, and Jimin is happy that the door has a lock because he doesn’t want any interruptions. Once he and Jungkook are settled, the_ slightly-older _man closes the door and turns around._

_“Now spill, what the hell happened?” Jimin is staring at Jungkook and the younger man looks fearful, so Jimin softens his features. “I’m sorry. I’m not angry, but Tae’s been walking around like there's a black cloud with lightning hovering above his head, so I need to know why.”_

_Jungkook is not sure how to explain himself. He’s thought about Taehyung every day -- literally, EVERY. SINGLE. DAY - since the morning he left the older man wrapped in his covers. It took him several days to wash the sheets because they smelled like Taehyung, and it felt like the man was still there. It’s stupid and Jungkook knows it because he told Taehyung to_ leave, _and that he needed to heal without him. At that moment, it was the truth and it probably still is, but that doesn’t make the_ desire less _\- it doesn’t make watching Taehyung on stage, being so close yet so far away, hurt any less._

_“I-it just happened, he just showed up at my door, and, and -” Jungkook_ sighs _, he can’t explain it._

_The younger stares at the older hoping that Jimin will just get it without any words. There is nothing he can say, no reasons he can give that will make what_ happened _seem logical._

_“Well then, why is he_ moping _around like his world has been burned to the ground, and why are you with Namjoon?”_

_“Sex doesn’t just magically make things better hyung, trust me on that, I know,” and Jungkook does know. He's spent years trying to find ways to make himself feel loved and wanted, but each nameless encounter just left him feeling more and more empty._

_However, that night with Taehyung was different because Taehyung had wanted him; it wasn’t just a random hook-up. Every time the man touched him or kissed him, Jungkook felt it; he felt the sincerity, but in the morning he realized he couldn’t return it to the man. He couldn't return the same feelings, at least not yet. He needed to find himself again - not the wide-eyed kid from seven years prior, but the man he is is now, and Namjoon (as unfair as it is to the blonde) is the perfect person to help him do that._

_“I know that Kookie, I’m not twelve. But I saw you watching him, and it was like there was no one else in the room, so I will ask again. Why are you here with Namjoon?” Jimin’s voice is demanding, but not harsh._

_“Because...because, it still fucking hurts, hyung. It’s too painful to be near him or around him - you too_ sometimes, _because you remind me of who I used to be. You also remind me of what I lost, no, what I threw away,” and as the words start to fall like drops from a broken faucet, Jungkook releases everything he’s been holding in for the last seven years. “I lived in pain for seven years, and you two were fine because you had each other. And what Taehyung did hurt, what you did hurt the most, because you knew my life, you knew what I was going through. Yet you walked away...you just walked away hyung, and you never looked back, not even once. So don’t tell me that I need to make Taehyung feel_ better, _because I am NOT ready to do that right now. Also, don’t guilt trip me into feeling sorry that he’s hurting, because I’m hurting too. So, do what you do best Jimin-sshi - take care of Taehyung, and give me space to heal so I can figure this the fuck out.” With those words, Jungkook bows and walks out the door._

_The younger man’s words aren’t biting, even if it felt like little punctures were being stabbed into Jimin’s skin. It was true, every syllable that Jungkook uttered was true. Jimin had walked away, and he hadn’t looked back. He was Jungkook’s friend, probably the boy’s only one at the time, and he had chosen Taehyung._

_Jimin had known that Jungkook was hurting, but all Jimin could see was Taehyung. He had watched Taehyung beat himself up for months and months afterwards, and every day he would lie and tell the younger man that it wasn’t his fault (even though it was), and that Jungkook had probably forgotten (even though he knew that Jungkook hadn’t)._

_Jungkook was right - what he did was worse, and they needed to let him heal._

 

The conversation with Jungkook has been replaying in Jimin’s mind over and over like a broken record, and he needs tonight as much as Taehyung does. He turns and sneaks a peek at his sleeping friend.

 

“We need to let him go, Tae.” Jimin turns back to the road and then says the next words mostly to himself, “When he’s ready he’ll come back, and till then I hope I’m enough.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IThis was emotional sabotage, Jungkook killed me in this. But I am happy he spoke his mind. Let me know what you think. 
> 
> As always, upvote, comment, send me Taehyung as a Christmas present if you liked the chapter. But mostly comment I really like to hear what you all have to say, it's inspiring. 
> 
> Also, a big thanks to Heera and Julia, seriously my writing wouldn't be readable without them. 
> 
> Happy Reading 
> 
> Lulu


	17. A Good Solider Drives Forward Anyway

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jimin makes a big mistake.  
> Jungkook wonders if he's made a mistake.  
> And Taehyung remembers last night. 
> 
> So this chapter is slightly M-rated for almost smut, sex happens but...

Hot kisses burn his skin, each touch awakening feelings and emotions that Jungkook thought he’d buried long ago. The writer arches upwards, not wanting to miss a moment of the sensation that Taehyung’s lips are creating against his flesh, and or even a syllable of Taehyung’s adoring words that are coming out in hot broken puffs on his skin. Searing tears run down Jungkook’s face every time Taehyung whispers how perfect he is, and how much and how long he’s wanted to touch him. The man’s words are like a healing salve, soothing the cuts and rips in Jungkook’s soul.

 

“Taehyu--,” the name dies on Jungkook’s lips as his body rocks with uncontrollable pleasure.

 

The older man is unraveling him like a cheap sweater, and Jungkook would wonder how Taehyung’s been able to find that part of him so effortlessly - the part that needed to be touched the most, the part that no on else had been able to reach. He _would_ wonder, except that right now, Jungkook doesn’t want to know, and he doesn’t care about anything other than how complete and how wanted he feels wrapped up in Taehyung’s desperate need.

 

“God, you’re beautiful like this,” Taehyung’s voice is dark and rich, and Jungkook doesn’t question if the praise is genuine, he can hear it in the man’s tone; and he can _feel_ it with each thrust as Taehyung buries himself deeper and deeper inside Jungkook.

 

 

*****

 

Jungkook wakes up panting, the ghosts of Taehyung’s touch still lingering on his skin. It’s been the same every night since that night; the one where Taehyung found every ache and coated it with healing kisses and reviving words of praise. The memory haunts Jungkook whether he’s asleep or awake, and try as he might, he’s been unable to stop this particular movie from replaying in his mind.

 

The writer sits up in the bed that is useless to him now because he won’t be able to go back to sleep. He glances at the clock on the night table, the illuminated numbers on the screen reading 4:45 AM.

 

“Fuck,” Jungkook mutters with a sigh.

 

He swings his legs over the edge of the bed and stands to his feet.

 

_Damn you Kim Taehyung._

 

He curses the older man as he walks to the kitchen. Hot milk will usually do the trick of lulling him back to slumber, but not before he spends some quality time in his head, wondering whether he made the right choice, wondering if maybe he shouldn’t have told Taehyung to leave.

 

“Fucking stop second guessing yourself, Jungkook.” The writer berates himself for having doubts.

 

That night, telling Taehyung to leave was the right choice and Jungkook knows it, or, at least, he thinks he does. But to be honest, the younger man doesn’t know anything anymore. He should be happy and content because he finally feels like a human again, and that the dark cloud that used to follow him around has been replaced by sunshine and soft breezes. Namjoon loves him, adores him - the blonde treats Jungkook as if he is the only thing in the world that matters. It should be enough.

 

_It should be._

 

“Then why the fuck isn’t it?” Jungkook asks out loud.

 

Why does he constantly think about Taehyung? Why does he remember every touch and every word from that one night? Jungkook has had millions of nights, with a bevy of different partners and he can’t even recall what any of their touches felt like, and did they even talk?

 

He sighs, he’s confused and he needs some wisdom, someone to talk to that would understand, because they are the same. He walks to his room and sits on the bed, grabbing his phone from the nightstand.

 

“Hello,” the voice on the other end is groggy from sleep.

 

“Hyung, it’s Jungkook --,” he’s not sure how to ask. “Uhm, I was wondering, uhmm can we talk?”

 

“Talk? Fuck Jungkook, it’s like five in the morning,” Jongin says, mild irritation coloring his tone.

 

“I-I know and I am sorry, but I just – look I’m sorry, I’ll just hang up. Night hyung.”

 

“Jungkook, wait,” Jongin stops him before he hangs up, “Sure, come on over, but you better bring a big ass cup of coffee and like thirty boxes of fried chicken. You owe me for this. Or you could not bring them and I’ll think of other ways you can pay the debt,” Jongin says jokingly, and Jungkook hopes it’s really a joke, because Jongin is hard to read.

 

“Chicken and coffee, got it,” Jungkook answers hastily.

 

His relationship with Jongin has been different since the night they didn’t have sex. Jongin has become somewhat of an older brother to him, which is ironic given their not-so-brother-like past.

 

Jungkook gets dressed quickly and grabs his keys from the counter. He heads out the door and walks to the elevator, and as the doors open, he’s suddenly reminded of yesterday when he went to visit Namjoon for lunch. Jungkook is sure that Taehyung saw them, and heard him when he asked the man to hold the door. Jungkook sighs, he doesn’t have the right to be mad, not really, not after shutting the man out of his life.

 

But he has to be honest, Taehyung ignoring him...it hurts like hell.

 

*****

 

Taehyung wakes up with a headache. The room is dark for the most part, but a tiny beam of light has managed to make its way past the black-out curtains. The ray is currently shining on Taehyung’s face, causing the throbbing in his brain to increase. He moves, trying to dodge the light, and the movement awakens Taehyung to the fact that he is not alone. Warm breaths are tickling Taehyung’s neck, and an arm is sprawled along his abdomen.

 

Taehyung squinches his eyes together, trying to recall the events of the night before. He remembers drinking way too much, and admiring the way Jimin’s body moved on the dance floor as he grinds into a very willing and touchy partner. He has vague flashes of needy kisses and lots of touching, but no real picture of who his current bedmate is. He knows he should be more curious, but his head is pounding like a nail being beaten into a wall by an angry hammer, plus Jimin would never let him to anything too idiotic.

 

The CEO resolves to deal with the person next to him once his headache goes away. Taehyung turns towards the individual laying beside him, and he feels the other’s body move closer to him. Taehyung snuggles into the warmth that is emanating from his sleep partner. It’s comfortable, and his head hurts too much to think about what a mistake this is; he’ll deal with it later.

 

Taehyung closes his eyes and falls back to sleep.

 

When the man with the boxy smile wakes up next, he is alone. His head still hurts, but instead of a murderous throbbing, there it is just a slight ache in his temple. He sits up in the bed and rubs circles in the side of his head, trying to erase the pain. He takes a deep breath and his olfactory glands are invading by the aroma of, _pancakes?_

 

_Is someone cooking?_

 

Taehyung's stomach starts to rumble and it dawns on the CEO that he’s famished, clearly the events of the night before (as fuzzy as they are) had used up all his energy. He needed to refuel and deal with his sex buddy issues.

 

The tiles are cold under his feet as he brings himself to the standing position. He feels fuzzy and he wobbles a bit as he tries to move. _Why had Jimin allowed him to drink this much?_ Taehyung makes it to the bedroom door without falling and he is thankful for small mercies. The smell of food is stronger in the hallway, and Taehyung won’t lie, it smells delicious.

 

Taehyung walks into the kitchen, about to apologize and tell the stranger last night was fun but they need to leave, but when the person turns around--

 

“Hani?”

 

 

*****

 

Jimin knows he’s made a mistake. Fuck, he messed up, messed up bad. But Taehyung moaned his name, _he fucking moaned his name_. The slightly older man won’t lie, he may have planned this, he may have wanted this to happen. Which is why as he drank water and soda while he fed Taehyung gin and vodka, essentially any hard liquor the younger man desired. He did this because Taehyung needed the release and Jimin wanted the man’s walls down, he had needs too. Jimin hadn't really intended for sex, hot kisses and touching would have been enough to satisfy him - but then Taehyung moaned his name and begged.

 

_He fucking begged._

 

“Shit,” Jimin groans as he runs his hand through his already messy hair. He prays the Taehyung doesn’t remember. He prays the presence of Hani is enough of a distraction to Taehyung’s already confused mind.

 

But when his phone beeps, he knows, Jimin knows without answering – his plan didn’t work.

 

*****

 

“Hani?” Taehyung looks at the woman in shock as her name rolls off his tongue.

 

_Did they?_

 

_No._

 

Taehyung looks in her eyes, and knows they haven’t.

 

She smiles and walks over, kissing him on the cheek.

 

“Morning, feeling better? Jimin called to say you weren’t feeling well and that I should come over.” She yaps happily, describing breakfast and asking if he wanted coffee.

 

Taehyung nods.

 

_Jimin? Jimin called her, why?_

 

His brain hurts more as he tries to squeeze a memory out to clear his confusion. It feels like wringing the last drop of water from a towel.

 

Then he remembers…

 

_“We should stop now Tae,” Jimin’s breath is hot against his skin._

_“No, please -- fuck Jimin fuck, do that again,” he begs the man._

_Jimin’s hand are in the CEO’s pants, and he’s pulling at Taehyung’s need,_ flicking _then dragging his finger along the tip. He likes to hear Taehyung sputter, he likes undoing the younger man._

_“After you come, we stop, okay?” Jimin states breathlessly._

_“No,” Taehyung replies equally out of breath, “After I come, you fuck me stupid. I need this Jimin, please – ahh, holy shit…” Taehyung grinds into Jimin’s hot hand._

_Jimin is hard, Taehyung can feel it against his ass. His back is leaned up against Jimin’s front as the man unravels him against the door of his apartment. Taehyung knows it’s wrong, knows this will hurt both him and Jimin in the end. But fuck it feels so good, it always feels so good. Jimin’s hands on his body, Jimin’s lips biting and nipping at his skin. It always feels so good._

_“Tae – fuck,” Jimin’s words of caution get swallowed as Taehyung grinds his ass into Jimin’s want._

_“Please Jimin, please, I want you so badly, fuck me, please.” Taehyung’s voice cracks as he pleads with the man._

_Jimin knows better and is about to say no, when Taehyung moans out “Jiminnie,” as he paints Jimin’s hand in streaks of white. Jimin loves when Taehyung says his name, especially when it's colored in a tone of want. He pumps Taehyung swifter as his body stutters through the orgasm._

_“Please Jimin, please just for tonight, please. You feel so good, you always feel so fucking good buried inside me, please.” Taehyung begs as he continues he slow dance against Jimin’s front._

_“Tae, fuck don’t do this,” Jimin begs as his body involuntarily_ keens _into the heat, “You’ll hate yourself in the morning, and we’ll be weird for weeks. As much as I want this, I hate when we’re awkward,” Jimin tries to reason._

_But Taehyung’s alcohol drenched brain can’t see past his want, “I promise I won’t be weird, I swear.” Taehyung says as he turns around to face the smaller man, "Take me to my room Jiminnie, take my clothes off and do what you’ve wanted to do since the last time this happened.”_

_Taehyung’s breath is hot, but his mouth is even hotter, and Jimin gives in._

*****

 

Jimin is afraid to read the text, he is afraid of what Taehyung might say, but he picks up his phone anyway.

 

**From: Taetae**

**I remember**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**You should’ve stayed**

 

Jimin reads the words over and over again, willing them to mean something he knows they don’t. Taehyung’s right, he should have stayed no matter how awkward it'd be, but he couldn’t. He didn’t want to see the look of disappointment when Taehyung realized that once again he had been weak. He didn’t want to hear Taehyung apologize for using him.

 

His phone beeps again.

 

**From: Taetae**

**Hani’s gone**

**Please come back**

**To: Taetae**

**Why?**

**From: Taetae**

**I want you to…**

**Touch me some more.**

 

 

Jimin knows this too is not a good idea, but fuck he wants it. He’s always wanted -- will always want Taehyung. He grabs his keys and heads out the door and as he turns his car in the direction of Taehyung’s complex, he feels as though he’s a soldier marching towards certain death. Because when Taehyung stops this game (and he will, he always does), it will kill Jimin and he knows it, but like a good soldier -- he drives forward anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So for the record my friend Ari did ask me not to do this to Jimin, and she made a great point. But, in the end this felt right, even if it is sooo wrong. This is their relationship Taehyung hurting and Jimin fixing (even if he breaks). I know a lot of you expressed that Jimin is the one being most hurt, so writing this made me feel guilty. 
> 
> So let me know what you think comment the shit out of this, I really want to hear Jimin/Taehyung bad, good, or thank god you added Vkook smut.
> 
> Let me know.
> 
> Happy Reading 
> 
> Lulu


	18. Getting Back What Belongs To Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jungkook has an epiphany.
> 
> Also this chapter is dedicated to stardustandbones... see I told you it was coming. LOL,

The news is playing, and for the most part, Jungkook hasn’t really been listening. He’s using the television for background noise, something he can block out as he writes. However, when the announcer says the name of the person that has woken him up every night for the past several weeks, Jungkook can’t help but focus on what’s being said.

 

“In business news, Kim Corp will be announcing the induction of Kim Taehyung as the official CEO of the company this week. The youngest child of the Kim family, and heir to the throne, had this to say about his new position as head of the world's largest conglomerate.”

 

Jungkook eyes are glued to the man on the screen. Taehyung is beautiful, he’s always been beautiful and his voice rings with such dignity and distinction as he talks about his plans for the company. The Taehyung on the screen is a king, he is Korean royalty; and he is everything that Jungkook has always wanted, but never believed he deserved. He feels a sense of pride as he listens to the man’s speech, and he knows Taehyung will accomplish all of his goals.

 

Jungkook makes his away across the room and stands directly in front of the 75-inch flat screen. He reaches out and runs his finger along Taehyung’s lips as he outlines them, and at that exact moment, Taehyung’s face turns on the screen and their eyes lock. Jungkook steps back in shock because it feels real, like Taehyung’s actually in the room with him, and Jungkook’s heart aches when it dawns on him that the man isn’t there because Jungkook himself had closed the door.

 

He walks back to the couch, his mind drifting back to the conversation he had with Jongin a couple of weeks ago. Jongin is surprisingly thoughtful and sensitive, which is in direct contrast to his very raunchy ‘I-don’t-give-a-fuck-what-you-think’ lifestyle. Jungkook understands Jongin, and he knows that the man’s actions are merely a façade to hide the pain that he’s buried deep inside his heart.

 

_“What is it that you want?” Jongin asks, and the question has Jungkook momentarily frozen._

_After so many years of believing that he’d never get what he wanted, it’s strange to be asked the question knowing that what he desired was within his reach._

_“I want - I mean… the thing is… Fuck hyung, I don’t know. I just don’t know. I’m confused, angry, relieved, and happy all at the same time. And it makes no sense to feel all those emotions at the same time, but I do.” Jungkook is rambling but it can’t be helped - nothing about what he feels is logical._

_“Then start there. Figure out what you want.”_

_Jongin’s words are simple enough, but to Jungook, they are like a complex sudoku puzzle, a mathematical word problem, and a brain teaser all rolled into one – anything but simple._

_“I’m not the best at giving advice, or at speaking really. But you’ll never know what you’re looking for if you’re hiding, and right now, that’s what you’re doing with Namjoon. It’s unfair to him, and to you. Do you love him?”_

_Love? Namjoon?_

 

As Jungkook’s mind flutters back to the present, he wonders about Jongin’s last question.

 

Namjoon was the first person Jungkook had felt free to let into his world. The gangly blonde with the deep dimples and even deeper voice never judged him, never asked him to change – he just waited patiently until Jungkook was ready to open up. He cared for Namjoon, a lot. But love, love, _love_ , Jungkook wasn’t entirely sure about the definition of that word. He liked Namjoon’s personality; he liked Namjoon’s smile, and he liked the way Namjoon was always there, ready and available to glue him back together when Jungkook felt like he was coming apart.

 

He obviously liked Namjoon, but love?

 

The cursor on the screen blinks, grabbing his attention, it is a silent request for Jungkook to add words. He starts typing, the unanswered question still looming in the back of his mind.

 

_What do I want?_

 

He starts typing.

 

 

**The man’s world is falling apart, memories invading his internal cortex like rebels advancing on the enemy with heavy artillery.**

**He remembers the other’s smile, the way his eyes glistened like cut diamonds when he smiled, and he misses him deeply.**

**He misses him, everything about him.**

 

 

Jungkook stares at the screen, because there it is -- the answer to all his questions. He misses him – _Taehyung?_

_Holy fuck, it’s Taehyung -- I want Taehyung._

 

Jungkook jumps out of the chair, realizing then that what he had done, the decision he had made the morning he told Taehyung to leave - _fuck_. He royally screwed up, once again he had let his fear dictate his decision. It’s ironic because at the time, he honestly believed it was the opposite.

 

Taehyung had been Jungkook’s one constant thought since their chance meeting, in the elevator. And he had known even then, that he hadn’t gotten over the man with the boxy-smile and come-hither stare. He should have faced his fears then and there. But he didn’t and now, _now_ he’ll have to hurt the one person who had done nothing but shown him love.

 

All Jungkook can think about is Namjoon. He really doesn’t want to hurt the dimpled blonde. Namjoon had been, correction, has been his anchor in the storm, a forever secure fortress where Jungkook could run and hide. But the writer doesn’t want to run any longer nor does he want to hide. Jungkook is finally ready to stand still and let the rain of life fall, and, this time, he’ll be his own umbrella.

 

The buzzing of his phone breaks his conversation with himself, and he smiles as he answers it.

 

“Hyung, I’m writing, you’d be proud. And this time, there are actual words on the screen, and...wait for it…I’m not drunk.” He can hear Yoongi laughing on the other end.

 

“Well, it’s about fucking time.”

 

“So what’s up?”

 

“Well, I’ve been getting calls to do interviews for the last three weeks, apparently being number one the Times Bestseller List is a big deal. I’ve put it off because I know you’re not a fan of interacting with people who are probing into your personal life.” Yoongi’s voice is somewhere between pleading and demanding.

 

Jungkook smiles a bit; that was the old him. The man who hid, the man who made decisions based on a lie, and the man who lived in fear.

 

Jungkook’s through with that version of himself.

 

“I’ll do it,” his voice is confident.

 

“Really?!” The shock is evident on the other end of the line and Jungkook laughs out loud, “Are you sure you’re not drunk?”

 

“Hyung, how could you doubt me like this?” Jungkook feigns hurt, “Here I am, trying to turn over a new leaf, to be the writer you want me to be, and what do you do? Nothing but throw sharp darts at my shiny hope-filled balloons.”

 

“Sorry, I’m just shocked. Impressed as hell, but still mildly shocked.”

 

Jungkook chuckles, “Just let me know when. Oh and hyung, I’m thinking something different for this book. I’m thinking of a story, with characters and plots and movement, the whole nine yards.”

 

“Seriously? Not gonna lie, I like this new version of you. Looking forward to reading the new manuscript. Once I set up the interview, I’ll have my secretary call you with the details.

 

“Thanks, hyung.”

 

They disconnect and Jungkook makes one more call. Striking while the iron’s hot, he doesn’t want to chicken out and he doesn’t want to string Namjoon along any longer, the older man deserves so much more. The ringing on the other end is ominous like the creepy music in movies just before the serial killer strikes.

 

“Jungkook-ah,” Jungkook can hear the smile in the man’s voice, and his heart clenches.

 

“Hyung, are you free for lunch today?”

 

“I’m always free for you. But we have to eat here if that’s okay, and we may also have to eat with Taehyung and Jimin. We’re adding some really cool enhancements to the application.”

 

Namjoon continues to regale Jungkook with info about their new plans, and for the most part, he drowns out the man’s boring tech talk. But his ears perk up when Taehyung’s name is again added to the conversation.

 

“Oh, here’s a heads up if you do say yes to lunch. They’ve become super handsy those two, Taehyung and Jimin. And it can get awkward, especially when you can’t see their hands.”

 

Jungkook’s heart literally falls to the floor, and he swears he sees it shrivel and die in front of him. He’d seen Taehyung’s and Jimin’s closeness; he’d seen that it _was more_ somehow. More standing _too_ close, more whispering, and more encountering Jimin leaving Taehyung’s apartment early in the mornings as he leaves for his jog. Jungkook saw the signs and knew what was happening, but happily pushed it down, chalking it up to their friendship.

 

“Jungkook, you still there?” Namjoon’s voice is like a knife cutting through his current fog.

 

“Mmm, yeah I’m here. Sorry, just blanked out for a moment. Yeah, that’s fine. What time is lunch?”

 

“One, but you can come earlier and keep me company if you want.” And to Jungkook, it sounds like a plea and again, his heart clenches.

 

“I’ll try, but no promises. See you later hyung.”

 

They disconnect and Jungkook lets the gravity of Namjoon’s words sink in. Handsy and awkward. Jungkook wants to get mad, but he shouldn’t. He allowed this door to open, the night at the gala when he basically told Jimin that Taehyung was his responsibility. Jungkook had kicked the door down with his own two feet the morning he walked out of Taehyung’s life. He doesn’t have the right to be angry, but he is.

 

_He’s fucking furious._

 

Because he knows the truth - Taehyung wants him, not Jimin, not Hani – he wants him, _Jungkook_. Old Jungkook would have thrown the towel in, old Jungkook would have walked in the other direction, and old Jungkook would have given up on what he wanted. But that Jungkook died the moment he realized that he couldn’t live another minute without the young CEO, and this Jungkook, the new and improved version, well he’s _gonna fucking get back what belongs to him_.

 

But first, first he has to end things with Namjoon.

 

 

 

********************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

**EXTRA A/N**

Also, I like to chat (I wouldn't be begging for comments otherwise). So, if you have a story request or just want to ask me random things you can find me here:

(<https://www.tumblr.com/blog/lulublu1014>) or on twitter here @lsgrlr. Follow me, remind me to update, and yell at me about Taehyung. 

 

And... uhmm (shameless plug incoming). I will be posting a new Vkook shortly and a Nammin on Valentine's day. The links are below. Previews are posted for both. Check them out tell me what you think.

 

**Vkook** \- <http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1083770/second-chance-angst-romance-memoryloss-jungkook-taehyung-taekook-vkook>, and <http://archiveofourown.org/works/5888224/chapters/13571242>

**Nammin** \- <http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1081513/so-there-is-such-a-thing-as-love-at-first-sight-crush-romance-love-humor-jimin-namjoon-nammin>, and <http://archiveofourown.org/works/5853430/chapters/13491589>

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well about freaking time Jungkook. We've only been waiting for like a million years. That's what you're ALL thinking, I know you guys... LOL. Jungkook knows what he wants, but unfortunately, someone has to get hurt for him to pursue it. So, needless to say. the next chapter will not be fun. Also, so sorry for the late updates, but I'm so strapped with time it's crazy. Anyway. let me know what you think by kudos, commenting, or sending me sugamints (;D).
> 
> Happy Reading 
> 
> Lulu


	19. Why'd You Come?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jungkook meets Namjoon to put and end to their relationship and witness first hand Jimin and Taehyung's new closeness.  
> Both Jungkook and Taehyung are thrown off their axis.

“Jungkook-ah.” He turns to see Namjoon approaching him, “You’re here.”

 

“Mmm, I said I would come.” He smiles at the older man.

 

“I know, but I am still happy that you came.” Namjoon’s sincere tone is like a knife to his heart. He came here to put an end to their relationship, and he feels guilty because he knows it will be a shock to the man.

 

“So, what are you in the mood for? I’m paying.”

 

“Oh really? To what do I owe this special treat? Are you trying to seduce me?” Namjoon jokes and it’s like another shot to the heart, but he keeps the mood light.

 

“Mayb-” Familiar laughter coming from behind him has him spinning around, swallowing his reply.

 

Taehyung is walking toward them with a phone at his ear, and the most gorgeous smile that Jungkook has ever seen adorns the man’s face.

 

“We’ll see you in a b-” and now, it’s Taehyung’s words that get lost when his eyes fall on Jungkook.

 

Jungkook bows in greeting, “I-I hope this is okay, hyung.”

He tries to read the look on Taehyung’s face, but the man had recovered from his earlier shock almost immediately and now all Jungkook sees is indifference.

 

“No, it’s fine. Although it may be somewhat boring since it is a working lunch, don’t you think Namjoon?” Taehyung ends his call and turns to Namjoon.

 

The tone is not angry, nor is it hurt, in fact -- there is nothing. Taehyung’s voice holds no emotion at all and Jungkook wants to throw up.

 

_Was he too late? Had he taken too long to figure things out?_

 

Jungkook’s heart is pounding. He’s worried because Taehyung’s not a robot, he’s always known the man to wear his heart on his sleeve, and the lack of emotion has him scared that Taehyung has changed his mind. Maybe his feelings for Jimin have grown into something more than friendship; maybe he became tired of waiting for Jungkook.

 

He begins to wonder if maybe he should just go. Maybe he should continue giving Namjoon a chance. It hurts too much, the thought of truly losing Taehyung, and he’s afraid he'll fall back into his old pattern of dealing with pain. He goes through every possible scenario he can think of that would explain Taehyung’s actions. Maybe he’s...

 

His fear-laced rant dies in his mind when his eyes _finally_ meet Taehyung’s. All his maybes fall of the corners of his mind and dissolve away. When Jungkook meets Taehyung’s eyes for the first time in what feels like years, all his doubts vanish, because Taehyung’s eyes are telling a very different story from his emotionless voice.

 

Jungkook sees it the moment their gazes lock; the pain and hurt that the CEO is so carefully trying to hide, the emotions are swimming in Taehyung’s chocolate spheres and Jungkook releases an internal sigh of relief. He knows that look, he created it, built a world around it and lived with it like a chain around his neck for seven long years. The look in Taehyung’s eyes is confirmation that nothing has changed, that Taehyung still feels the same way, that he still loves him, at least Jungkook hopes and prays that’s what it means.

 

“Sorry boss,” Namjoon’s voice is apologetic and it snaps Jungkook back to the present.

 

“I like working lunches.” He blurts out. It’s lame and he knows it, but he wants to be close to Taehyung and it makes him feel desperate.

 

Taehyung stares at him and a momentary curiosity curves his brows, but it quickly disappears and it’s as though he is trying to not give anything away.

 

“Suit yourself.” His voice is still emotionless. Taehyung turns to Namjoon, “Jimin will meet us at the restaurant. We can take my car, I have some ideas that I wanted to run over with you...” He turns to Jungkook, “Is that fine with you or would you rather meet us there?” The question feels like a challenge and Jungkook is not sure why.

 

“It’s f-fine with me if you drive.”

 

“Good.” Taehyung’s voice is cold, but his eyes linger a beat too long, and again, Jungkook takes it as a sign. “So about the lock screen-” The CEO continues as they walk to the car and just like that, Jungkook is reduced to fly on wall status, he is present but not seen or acknowledged as Taehyung and Namjoon talk business.

 

True to his word Taehyung has spent the last forty minutes of their lunch taking business and Jungkook has sat quietly for every single one of them. Taehyung has done a masterful job of keeping him on the outside; not direct enough to be noticeable, but just sufficient to make sure he understands his place. He has had to suffer through watching Jimin and Taehyung acting so close and being so intimate. His vocal chords are blocked and feeling like they are buried in sand, Jungkook fears that any attempt at speaking will leave him choking and gasping for air.

 

_Thirty? No, more._

 

It’s the number of times Jungkook has counted the men either touching, or staring or smiling at each other as though no one else was around. As though Jungkook wasn’t present, wasn’t sitting within reach, wasn’t hurting. He wants to leave and hide away for a while so that the bruises each interaction between the two causes him can heal, but he can’t because that would be running, and he won’t do that anymore. Jungkook stays seated, stays quiet, silently absorbing each blow thrown by the two like a punching bag in a gym.

 

“You’ve been awfully quiet. Are you not feeling well?” Namjoon’s voice is like an anchor bringing him back to reality and grounding him, he smiles gratefully aware that the man has no idea what he has done.

 

“No, just letting you all talk.” His voice is scratchy and he wonders if others can hear the slight quiver.

 

He looks up from the plate of food in front of him and catches Taehyung’s eyes for the second time. For a brief moment, Jungkook swears he detects concern crinkled the corner of Taehyung’s face, but again the look is gone as quickly as it appears and he wonders if it’s just his imagination, just him wanting a sign. Maybe it’s him holding on to anything he can find that tells him he didn’t royally screw everything up.

 

Lunch ends and Jungkook is somewhat proud of himself for 1) not running away and 2) not dying from the internal wounds caused by Taehyung and Jimin’s (very purposeful) actions. On the drive back to Kim Enterprises, he decides to delay his conversation with Namjoon. He isn’t chickening out, but he’s definitely not in the right psychological frame of mind to talk to Namjoon and not leave the man feeling as raw and broken as he feels right now.

 

Once inside the lobby, the four stand awkwardly for a brief moment before Namjoon turns to face him, “Do you want to hang out for a bit? I get off in about an hour, we, uhm could hang out or something. I mean, you know, if you want to.” The blonde puffs his cheeks and Jungkook looks down so that Namjoon won’t see him smile.

 

It’s endearing to him that Namjoon is still shy about asking to spend time with him. As though they hadn’t spent the last few months glued to each other’s side, as though Namjoon hadn’t mapped in extensive detail (with his tongue, lips, and various other body parts) every birthmark and every mole that marked his body.

It’s amazing to him that Namjoon still looks at him with awe in his eyes and

Jungkook wonders how the man still finds everything to do with him so new, like every moment they spend together is their first time. He looks up from his spot on the floor and is about to answer when for the third time in the day, he meets Taehyung’s gaze, and at that moment, Jungkook understands Namjoon completely.

 

“Are you sure I won’t be a distraction hyung?”

 

“Well, of course you’ll be a distraction. But I’m distracted by you whether you’re in front of me or far away, at least with you here I won’t need to stop what I’m doing to call you so I can get a fix. I can just look up and voila, there you are.” Namjoon’s smile is earth-shattering in its brilliance and in the way it spreads Jungkook’s guilt a little thicker, smearing it like sticky jam across his already cracked heart.

 

“God, hyung why are you so cheesy?” He tries playing it off, using humor as a cloak to hide how dirty and destroyed he actually feels.

 

“So, will you stay?”

 

Jungkook turns to look directly at Taehyung, but avoids the man’s eyes. Taehyung’s stare is like fire and Jungkook can’t handle any more burns.

 

“That depends on your boss, doesn’t it?” It’s not a challenge as much as a hope that Taehyung will want him near.

 

Jungkook can hear his heart beating in his ear like banging drums. He hangs his head down and steels himself for Taehyung’s reply, and as his eyes descend they fall on Taehyung’s hand.He watches as it curves into a fist, the man’s fingers are so tightly scrunched that his knuckles are beginning to turn white and he wonders what it means. Jungkook jerks his head up, hoping to see something, _anything_ from the man that would confirm all the signals that he’s has been picking up. When he is met with the same blankness he’s encountered for the majority of the day, his heart falls.

 

“If you want to stay, it’s fine with me,” Jungkook mouth goes dry as he watches Taehyung grab Jimin’s hand and pulls him toward the elevator, “As long as Namjoon gets his work done.” With those words, Jungkook and Namjoon are left alone.

 

“You heard the man, I just have to get my work done.” Namjoon reiterates Taehyung’s statement and Jungkook nods and follows the man to the same set of elevators that Jimin and Taehyung had left in just moments before.

 

The ride up is quiet, at least, Jungkook thinks it is, his mind having clogged his ears with too many thoughts for him to hear anything outside of his head. _What did Taehyung allowing him to stay mean? He could have said no, could have reminded Namjoon this was his place of employment and not a club or a bar. But instead, he clenched his fist and let me stay. Why? Why did he clench his fist, I do that when I’m trying to push something down, hold something back. What are you holding back Taehyung? Is it something we both want? God, please let it be something we both want._

 

“… so are you okay with that?” He hadn’t realized Namjoon was speaking until the man tapped him on the shoulder.

 

“I’m sorry hyung, I was thinking too hard,” He laughs it off.

 

“S’okay. I was saying that I just remembered how I planned on reworking a security measure for our tech. So I may have to stay later, would you be okay with that? We could order food, whatever you want, it’ll be my treat.”

 

“Well, how can I say no to whatever I want? My laptop’s in my car, I’ll just go down in a bit and grab it so I can proofread my chapters from this morning. This will be fun, a true working date.” Jungkook smiles, and he means it. Writing is his escape, his map to charting troubled waters because currently the treacherous sea that is Kim Taehyung threatening to break his tiny boat to pieces.

 

“Yes!” Namjoon fist pumps and Jungkook laughs out loud ( _you really are lovely Namjoon, thank you for just being you_ ) and for the first time since walking into Kim Enterprises, Jungkook feels at ease.

 

 

**Taehyung**

“It’s okay Taehyung.” Jimin’s voice is soft and calming and normally that’s enough to relax him, to bring him back to center. But Jungkook is here in his building. He’s just a few feet away and it is taking all his will power, all his strength to not walk into Namjoon’s office and drag the man out.

 

“It’s not fucking okay, how’s this okay Jimin? None of this, none of it is okay.”

 

Taehyung is pacing, trying to calm himself. He feels unstable like a crack in a windshield; it looks fine but is actually slowly spreading and if left untreated, it will cause the glass to shatter at the slightest touch. He had thought he was okay, the past few months with Jimin have been nice (he had almost convinced himself it was real). He had minimal contact or interaction with Jungkook (even though the man still sat in his heart like a stack of heavy bricks weighing him down in his quiet moments), he spent his time toggling between Jimin and keeping up appearances with Hani. Life had gone on as normal, and he thought he was okay.

 

But he’s not.

 

“Let’s get out of here.”

 

“No,” he immediately knocks down Jimin’s suggestion with the excuse of needing to finish up work, but he knows it’s because he can’t leave knowing Jungkook is here, knowing that he’s locked in an office with Namjoon doing only god knows what and _fuck I’m going crazy_.

 

“Why the hell is he here, hyung?” Using ‘hyung’ is his way of letting Jimin know he’s spun way out of control and he needs the man to dial him back.

 

“Leaving would be the best decision Tae. Staying here and knowing, knowing that he’s here with… You’re just hurting yourself.” Jimin sounds broken and Taehyung realizes that he is not the only one in pain.

 

“Fuck Jimin, I’m sorry.” He pulls the man into his arms. He wishes he could stop this, he wishes he could stop using Jimin, Taehyung knows it’s wrong ( _but you make me feel better, you make me forget_ ). He feels worse because he knows Jimin’s feelings are very real, and he’s playing with them, “I’m an idiot and selfish and I’m sorry. You’re right, we should go. Let’s just go.”

 

Jimin nods against his neck, he feels the man’s tears soak through his shirt, warming his shoulder. He tightens his grip and prays to God that he won’t cause Jimin any more pain. He prays to be stronger to learn to deal with his problems on his own. They decide to take Jimin’s car since it’s parked in front of the building. The walk to the elevator is quiet but it feels charged with an invisible current that has both men on edge.

 

“I’ll meet you at your car,” Taehyung says as he hits the buttons for garage and lobby, “I have some documents in my trunk that I have to read tonight.”

 

“Okay, see you in a bit.” Jimin’s voice still sounds strained as he exits the elevator. Taehyung plans on doing whatever it takes to remove the hurt he’s caused the man, it’s the least he could do.

 

The garage is quiet except for the beep of his alarm being disarmed, he’s lost in thought as he rounds the corner to his parking spot. The impact of his body crashing into another has him unconsciously reaching out and grabbing the stranger to keep himself from falling.

 

“Sorry,” the man’s voice has Taehyung tighten his hold, only now it’s because his world just fell from its axis.

 

_Jungkook._

 

Jungkook’s heart is pounding against his chest, and Jungkook’s breath is tickling his neck and the side of his face, and Jungkook’s scent is invading his senses (musky and citrusy with a hint of something sweet). His fingers begin to curl (on their own) into Jungkook’s shirt, bunching it in his grasp and pushing the man further into his chest. Taehyung is trying to think, trying to breathe, trying to think and breathe at the same time and he is failing, badly. Jungkook’s weight pressed against him feels right, so right, and he wants to cry because Jungkook isn’t his and doesn’t belong to him. Yet every fiber of his being is screaming _mine_. And he needs to let go, he _should_ let go, but instead, he pulls Jungkook closer.

 

“Why did you do this? Why? Why did you come here?” The questions aren’t really directed at Jungkook, it’s more him voicing his thoughts. But everything in him fractures when Jungkook answers, like a reservoir with cracked walls that are beginning to splinter.

 

“I came for yo-- I, I… wanted to see you,” Jungkook words are like hot coal branding his skin, “I miss you hyung, and I just wanted to see you.”

 

Jungkook’s words cause the reservoir walls to split apart and every emotion, every thought, everything that Taehyung has kept locked up is flowing out and he’s powerless to stop it.

 

 

**Jungkook**

He’s said it, told Taehyung that he missed _him_ , that he wanted to see _him_ , that he came for _him_. He can feel Taehyung trembling against him, he tries to free his hand, he wants to hold him, to stop the tremble, but Taehyung is holding him impossibly close and impossibly tight and the only thing he can do move is his head. So he does, he presses his lips to the base of Taehyung’s neck and kisses the man lightly, and Taehyung loosens his grip, but doesn’t let go.

 

He’s scared the man is going to push him away, so he grips the lapel of Taehyung’s jacket determined to hang on should he let go. But when Taehyung shifts him so they’re face to face, and Taehyung’s fingers grab his chin and pulls Jungkook’s face toward his, Jungkook’s fingers tighten around Taehyung’s lapel no longer out of fear and desperation, now it’s to anchor himself. The moment their lips meet, Jungkook feels himself drowning, and he has no plans of swimming to shore or to safety. Instead, he holds on tight and lets himself sink, lets himself be swallowed up by the sea of Kim Taehyung.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN UPDATE!!!! YAY! *throws confetti and pats self on back* It's been a while and I am really sorry about that. This chapter is one of the few things that I've written that I personally like. I hope you all enjoy it as well. Let me know what you think by commenting or liking. Also, please come visit me (begs on hands and knees) here https://www.tumblr.com/blog/lulublu1014, I will be updating my Tumblr this weekend adding my WIPs and short stories to the page. Please stop by and ask me a question, or request a short story. You can also find me on Twitter @lsgslr. 
> 
> Also, I am curious where you all think this kiss will lead. Let me know in the comments below or on my Tumblr page.
> 
> As always let me know what you think.  
> Happy Reading,  
> Lulu


	20. Three Days To Say Goodbye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Jungkook learns you have to say goodbye before saying hello.
> 
> Also, Ari I apologize in advance so you're not allowed to hate me.  
> Bug thank you for singing to me, and Englishing this.

The kiss is slow and searching, like Taehyung’s mouth is pulling at his soul and Jungkook melts into it. It’s better than his memory of their previous kisses, and more fulfilling than all the dreams he wished were reality when they were apart. He groans loudly when Taehyung bites into his lower lip, and a slight gasp escapes his mouth when the older man pushes him against a car.

Taehyung’s body is warm and hard against his, and Jungkook’s senses are completely filled with, consumed by the scent of the man flush against him, like a glass overflowing with water. Jungkook feels as though he’s sinking, drowning in the sea of Kim Taehyung. He’s lost and he loves it. _He fucking loves it._

“Hyung, please, please. Choose me again, please.” Jungkook pleads into Taehyung’s lips. He can’t, he just can’t let Taehyung leave this garage not being his. “Pleas-” he begins to beg again, but Taehyung swallows the plea.

They kiss until the air around them is filled with the sounds of lips smacking and tongues clashing; they kiss till they can’t breathe, until they become each other’s air. The kiss is healing melting away the pain that both men have been carrying. When they finally break apart to catch their breath, they gaze into each other’s eyes, and Jungkook smiles because he doesn’t need to ask Taehyung again to be his. The look in the other man’s eyes is enough to let Jungkook know that Taehyung already is.

“I want you hyung, just you,” Jungkook declares, the kiss having boosted his confidence. “I’m sorry I took so long, sorry I was so stupid. Sorry that I made you wait. But if-if you’ll still have me, I want to be only yours.”

Taehyung doesn’t respond, he doesn’t move a muscle and for a moment, Jungkook worries that maybe the kiss was just a fluke, that maybe he’d read Taehyung’s eyes wrong. Taehyung tilts his head to the side and his gaze is searching, Jungkook feels naked and raw under the man’s intense stare. Taehyung’s eyes are laser sharp, piercing Jungkook’s flesh heading for his heart, the look is penetrating, seeking to see if Jungkook’s words are sincere. It feels like years have passed before Taehyung opens his mouth.

“I’m sorry too Kookie, for a lot of things.” Taehyung sighs a ragged breath as though he was releasing a heavy weight. “There are so many things I wish I had done differently, then maybe the past seven years of pain would never have happened.”

Taehyung runs the back of his palms along Jungkook’s jaw and inhales a staggered breath, and the sound more than the touch sends shivers down Jungkook’s spine. He can’t explain the sensation the noise creates within him. It’s as though Taehyung stole the air right out of his lungs leaving him breathless and dizzy.

“I’ll always want you Jungkook. Always.” Taehyung answers resolutely.

The man’s answer is so final, leaving no room for Jungkook to doubt that the answer is true. He smiles and it’s big, ear to ear, and his jaw is beginning to hurt but he can’t stop. He doesn’t really want to.

“You mean that, right hyung?” Jungkook looks directly into Taehyung’s eyes, “No take backs?” Jungkook knows he sounds like a third grader, _but damn it Taehyung makes him feel like a kid._ He’s unsure and insecure around the older man, yet he feels safe and loved as well. The warring of his emotions is befuddling, but Jungkook doesn’t mind it at all because Taehyung will have him.

His joy is quickly dampened by the next words out of Taehyung’s mouth.

“I will always want you…but, I need to end things with Jimin and I need time to do it. I-I need to preserve my relationship with Jimin. I can’t lose him…I love him too, Jungkook. Not the same way I love you, but it’s still very real.” Taehyung runs a hand through his hair and the action leaves his stylish coif looking slightly disheveled. “Seven years ago I did everything wrong and lost you. This time, I want to do things right. So-”

Taehyung takes a deep breath, and to Jungkook it’s as though time has stopped. He’s nervous about the next words the CEO will say. He’s scared that he’s too late.

“I need time to end it, but so do you. Namjoon loves you, I can see it in his eyes, in his smile. He looks at you the way I look at you. Let’s start out on the right foot this time. I don’t want any regrets. I want to start fresh with you. I don’t want to leave behind a trail of broken hearts.”

Jungkook is not sure why his response is to lean in and kiss Taehyung on the forehead, but it feels appropriate. A slight “umph” escapes when Taehyung pulls him into a tight bear hug. The embrace is like medicine being poured on all his open wounds, healing them.

“I love you h-” Jungkook ducks his head against Taehyung’s shoulder, using it to cover his mouth. He knows it’s childish, but he doesn’t want to be the one to confess first, doesn’t want to look desperate.

“Kookie, did you just confess to me?” Taehyung does not even have the decency to hide the mirth in his voice.

He pushes his head deeper into Taehyung shoulder and shakes his head in denial.

“Are you sure?” Taehyung is still laughing.

Jungkook wonders if he can stay hidden in Taehyung shoulder forever as he nods his affirmation.

“I love you too Jungkook.” There is no mirth, no sense of joking or teasing when Taehyung speaks. Jungkook looks caught off guard by the man’s reciprocation of his confession. He sighs and relief floods his body.

Taehyung places his hand on Jungkook’s shoulders, pushing till Jungkook is an arms length in front of him. “I love you too.” Taehyung’s voice is rich and sweet, and the way the tone slides down Jungkook’s insides is delicious. “I love you, but I need time to say a proper goodbye to Jimin. You need to do the same with Namjoon.”

Jungkook nods, suddenly feeling guilty. Namjoon is upstairs waiting, expecting him to return. He doesn’t want to say yes to Taehyung’s request, he doesn’t want any more time away from him. But the older man is right, they need to start fresh with no regrets.

“Okay,” Jungkook answers half-heartedly. “I have a request. Let’s pretend our confessions didn’t happen. Let’s save them for when we are finally together.” Jungkook pouts slightly as he speaks.

“Okay, let’s. Let’s confess to each other properly when we are truly free to do so. For the next seventy-two hours, I belong to Jimin, and you belong to Namjoon.”

_Seventy-two hours!_

It’s too long, almost a lifetime away. He’s about to protest the duration when Namjoon’s face pops into his mind. The man had been there for him, had put up all with all of his stupidity without judgement. Namjoon had cared for him and treated him like a person when no one else had. He owes it to the older blonde, Namjoon deserves all the time he needs to come to terms. Jungkook sighs and turns to Taehyung.

“You’re right, hyung.” Jungkook says hesitantly.

“It’s the right thing to do Kookie. We’ve waited seven years to get to this place, what’s three more days?”

With that Taehyung leans in for one last kiss. It’s long and languid, and it fills all of Jungkook’s empty spaces with the hope of a future with Taehyung. He sighs into Taehyung lips and he man nips at his bottom lip in response. The action causes Jungkook to want more than kisses.  He pushes his body into Taehyung’s, grabbing the man’s hips and pulling him closer. He wants to grind, he wants friction, he wants the heat curling inside to find the release it needs.

“No, Jungkook, stops.” Taehyung groans as Jungkook pushes him away. “Three days, you can have anything you want in three more days.”

Taehyung walks away, leaving Jungkook feeling empty. He stays for a moment, watching as the man disappears into the elevator. He takes a deep breath, runs a hand through his hair and straightens his clothing.

 

_Three more days._

 

 

**PRELUDE**

**Hour One**

**(Jimin and Taehyung)**

“You’re going to break up with me, aren’t you?” Jimin’s voice cracks as he asks the question and Taehyung can literally feel the pain in Jimin’s words, the sound hurts so much.

“Yes,” he answers honestly. He can never lie to Jimin.

“Okay,” Jimin says resolutely hanging his head

“Not today, Jimin,” Taehyung interjects quickly as he lifts the man’s head. I want to show you all the ways that I love you. Because I do, I really do love you. Not just as a friend. These months with you have shown me that. The next seventy-two hours belong to us, and if by the end you still need more time, then I will figure out a way to give it to you.  Let’s start as lovers but end as friends.” Taehyung’s eyes are begging. “I can’t lose you Jimin. My life doesn’t work without you. So, if you’re up for it, these next few days I will give you anything you want. Let’s live a lifetime together and make memories that will carry us into the next life. In this life I’m Jungkook’s, but, Jimin, if we live again, I think in that life it will be you. Let’s not regret anything. Huh?”

Jimin’s tears are salty in his mouth as he kisses the man eyes wiping away the liquid with his lips.

“Okay,” Jimin says into his chin. “One condition Tae.”

“Anything.” He answers against Jimin temple.

“We don’t talk about Jungkook. For the next three days it’s just us, you and me. You belong to me and me alone.”

“Okay.” Taehyung takes Jimin’s hand and pulls him to the bedroom.

 

_Three days to say goodbye._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I never thought it would happen either. Not Jungkook and Tae...me updating. Sorry y'all. I hope you enjoy this chapter. The next chapter promises to be super long, because it will be the next 72 hrs, from Jimin's and Namjoon's perspective.


	21. GOODBYES PART 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taehyung and Jimin say goodbye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's been a while and I'm so sorry for making you wait. You all probably thought I dropped this story. I want to assure you I plan on finishing all my stories. I hope you enjoy this update.
> 
> WARNING: There's smut, a lot of it. So if that's not your thing STAY AWAY. 
> 
> Also, the pure as the driven snow Bug had to suffer through bad smut to make this readable for you all. Please support her here: http://archiveofourown.org/users/bugarungus/pseuds/bugarungus.

Taehyung walks away from his time with Jungkook determined to leave the man and his feeling behind. This time is Jimin’s. He owes the man that much. Technically, he owes Jimin much more than a few lousy hours to get over a lifetime of unrequited feelings which Taehyung may or may not have been playing with. He decides not. He loves Jimin, he genuinely does, and had Jungkook not entered their lives back in college he knows it would be Jimin warming his bed and his heart.

He finds the man sitting behind the wheel of his car, staring out the window. He sees tears pulling at the corners of Jimin’s eye, threatening to escape. _He knows_. It’s another reason he can’t let go, can’t just walk away from Jimin the way he’d walked away from Jungkook seven years ago. They’re connected. Jimin knows things before Taehyung ever opens his mouth, as though he can sense it. While Jungkook may be the love of his life, Taehyung is one hundred percent sure Jimin is his soulmate.

He opens the car door and gets in.

They drive in silence, neither speaking, and it’s weird to Taehyung how unnecessary words are when it comes to his relationship with Jimin. He sighs and continues to say nothing. He wishes he had made this discovery before Jungkook walked into the café that fateful day, what feels like a hundred years ago. Taehyung wishes he had looked at Jimin, really looked at him before they ever left for college, before they ever left home, before time had gotten away from him. Because now that he sees him, _actually sees Jimin_ , it’s too late. His heart has long been claimed.

The elevator ride to the Taehyung’s penthouse is equally quiet. Jimin is leaning against the wall at the furthest end of the car eyes downcast, red and puffy. Taehyung wants to reach out, to comfort, but he doesn’t… he’s respecting Jimin’s time to process.

Jimin pauses once they’re out of the elevator looking up at Jungkook’s door. He turns to face Taehyung, then looks back at the elevator, doors still open. The man makes a step as though to get back in. Taehyung panics. Grabbing Jimin by the arm he halting the man’s escape. They stand silent, watching as the doors close. Taehyung feels Jimin’s tears dripping on his arm like rain struggling to start. He doesn’t speak he simply pulls Jimin into his arms, holding him, waiting it out as the heavy sobs rock the man’s body. He’s thankful Jungkook doesn’t come home to them standing in the hall, not for Jungkook’s emotional state but for Jimin’s.

Once the sobs have simmered and Jimin’s entire weight is no longer slumped against him, he leads the man to his front door. Taehyung punches in his code with his free hand, the other still hanging on to Jimin, and Taehyung is not really sure whether it’s for support or to make sure the slightly older man doesn’t escape. Once the door is open, he guides Jimin past the threshold and jumps a bit when the steel frame slams behind him.

They have a stare off. Jimin’s eyes are searching his, and he hopes the man finds the answer he is looking for. Jimin inhales, then exhales, and Taehyung is holding his breath, waiting, waiting…

Jimin speaks.

“You’re going to break up with me, aren’t you?” Jimin’s voice cracks as he asks the question, and Taehyung can literally feel the pain in Jimin’s words and it hurts him too.

“Yes,” he answers honestly. He’s never lied to Jimin.

“Okay,” Jimin says resolutely, hanging his head.

“Not today, Jimin,” Taehyung interjects quickly as he lifts the man’s head. “I want to show you all the ways that I love you. Because I do, I really do love you. Not just as a friend. These months with you have shown me that. The next seventy-two hours belong to us, and if by the end you still need more time, then I will figure out a way to give it to you. Let’s start as lovers but end as friends.” Taehyung’s eyes are begging. “I can’t lose you Jimin. My life doesn’t work without you. So, if you’re up for it, these next few days I will give you anything you want. Let’s live a lifetime together and make memories that will carry us into the next life. In this life I’m Jungkook’s, but, Jimin, if we live again, I think in that life it will be you. Let’s not regret anything. Huh?”

Jimin’s tears are salty in his mouth as he kisses the man’s eyes, wiping away the liquid with his lips.

“Okay,” Jimin says into his chin. “One condition Tae.”

“Anything,” he answers against Jimin temple.

“We don’t talk about Jungkook. For the next three days it’s just us, you and me. You belong to me and me alone.”

“Okay.” Taehyung takes Jimin’s hand and pulls him to the bedroom.

Taehyung’s not going to lie, sex with Jimin is amazing. He’s always hungry, always needy, always begs in just the right way, making just the right sounds and pushing Taehyung to the limit. Tonight is no different. No, that’s a lie. Tonight. Is. Very. Different. Jimin is insatiable. The man’s cries of “harder,” “faster,” “more” have Taehyung’s legs trembling as he pounds Jimin into the mattress. Every press of Jimin’s thick lips to his skin burns as the need to see Jimin break into pieces beneath him grows.

The moment is dirty, rough, and hungry. It’s also a goodbye, and it hurts them both as much as it heals them. He cries into Jimin’s neck as he cums and he can feel Jimin’s tears on his skin as well. He bottoms out and fills Jimin with his seed, with his wet, sticky love, with himself. Jimin lies beneath him, body rocking with slight tremors, aftershocks, as he slowly comes down from his high.

“Fuck,” Jimin whispers into the pillow and Taehyung bites back the comment of _yes we did indeed_ , knowing it’s inappropriate.

He makes a move to pull out of Jimin, but the man grabs onto his hips, holding him in place. He doesn’t fight. Truth be told Jimin is warm and throbbing, and he’s really not ready to disconnect from the feeling of being buried deep inside the man.

“Okay, I won’t,” he whispers into Jimin’s back and the man shivers.

“Thank you,” Jimin once again speaks, and Taehyung shudders at how intimate it all feels, not the sex, but this, them lying together as one.

Taehyung briefly wonders if he’ll truly be able to walk away from Jimin. At times like this the answer is always no. Jimin’s even breathing has a smile spreading across his face; the man is such a lightweight, one round of rough sex and he’s out like a light. Taehyung tries pulling out again, but even in his sleep Jimin holds him in place like a vice grip. He puts his hand on Jimin’s side and rolls them slightly on their side, throwing his leg across Jimin’s hip, a slight moan escaping as he slips deeper into the man’s puckered hole. _This is the best form of spooning ever_. He can’t help smiling at his lame joke. Then he remembers that it’s not funny, none of it is because he’ll have to let Jimin go. Taehyung drifts into slumber with a smile on his face and a heavy heart. He _hates goodbyes_.

The morning light is too bright (he forgot to pull the blinds the night before), and it feels like he woke up on the sun. He’s sweaty and icky, and they need to shower.

“Minnie,” he calls softly as his hand treks slowly down Jimin’s torso.

“Mmm,” Jimin’s reply is part groan, part answer.

“We need to shower.” He kisses the nape of the man’s neck.

“No,” he can almost hear the pout in Jimin’s voice. “Wake up sex is the best kind. I spent all night dreaming about waking up to you bottomed out on top of me and riding me hard.”

Jimin’s voice is groggy with sleep, and the huskiness goes straight to Taehyung’s stomach. _They can’t spend the next three days only having sex. Okay they can, but they shouldn’t_ , Taehyung’s not sure why, though. Finally, he pulls out of Jimin and lies on his back for a brief moment, contemplating the man’s request. Taehyung feels the bed shake as Jimin turns to lie on his back.

“We can’t spend the next three days only having sex, you know that right?” Taehyung’s not sure why he’s saying this.

“I know,” Jimin answers softly.

The room smells like sex, his body is dirty and sweaty, and they need to get cleaned up. So he’s a bit surprised when his next course of action is to straddle Jimin’s legs at the ankles, then lean down to lick a sloppy spit trail along the base of the man’s penis.

“Fuck!” Jimin croaks out.

This time he doesn’t filter.

“That’s exactly what I intend to do.” Taehyung stands up on the bed and walks forward he sits knees down just above Jimin’s knee caps, then leans over to open the drawer at the bedside table. He rummages through till he finds what he’s looking for. He holds out the tiny bottle to Jimin, “Do you want to work me open, or would you like to watch me do it myself?” He really hopes the man chooses the latter. Nothing turns Jimin on as much as the sight of Taehyung preparing himself for him.

Jimin licks his lips, and Taehyung closes his eyes because he could cum from that action alone.

“Watch you,” Jimin’s voice breaks, the burning need evident in his tone. Taehyung smiles and flips the lid on the tiny tube.

He leans down and captures Jimin in a sloppy, noisy kiss, then leans back smiling at how red the man’s pouty lips look. He coats his finger generously before resting a palm of Jimin’s chest for balance, he moves his leg up slightly for better access, then takes a long deep breath. The first finger touches his hole, and he trembles a bit as he pushes slowly against the hard ring of muscle.

The intrusion burns, and he winces in pain and watches in fascination as Jimin mirrors his emotion. He sits still allowing his body to absorb his finger fully until the burn turns to warm tugs at his core, and he rocks against the digit carefully. The second finger has him riding faster, pushing deeper and scissoring the hole in preparation. Jimin is breathing heavily, eyes glued to him, dark and needy, and fuck that’s hot, and Taehyung rides himself harder. The third finger has him talking jibberish as he finds the muscle sac and flicks it. He begins fucking himself in earnest and it’s not enough, not nearly enough.

“Fuck Jimin tell me to stop… fuck, fuck, fuck.” Taehyung is bouncing hard, pushing in and out. Each slap against his prostate has him seeing stars, and he just really needs for Jimin to stop the madness and fuck him already. “Do you want me to come like this?” he bites out between gritted teeth. “Because if you don’t do something now, my fingers will be the only things that get ridden.” Taehyung’s proud of his sentence making skills.

Jimin pulls his hand away roughly, and he is both relieved and upset by the emptiness it leaves behind. Jimin moves to sit up and Taehyung hungrily follows him, straddling his waist as he positions himself. He takes Jimin’s throbbing, red-tipped penis into his hand, and the dark-haired man groans at the contact. He lines himself up and slowly raises just before impaling himself on Jimin’s thick warm cock. _Fuck taking it slow._

“Fuccccc…” he pulls out the word.

He begins to move back and forth, not ready for the pounding but enjoying the fullness and the tiny whimpers of “yes” escaping Jimin’s thick lips. He leans in, kissing the man on the mouth roughly, biting into Jimin’s bottom lip so hard the man jerks upward, and Taehyung screams as Jimin slams into his prostate. He begins a brutal bounce on Jimin’s lap that has them both begging for things with words that aren’t complete. This time when they both cum it’s Taehyung’s body that rocks with aftershocks as Jimin continues to fuck into him riding out the tight, tight, tightness of Taehyung’s hole around his cock.

When they calm down and finally shower, they sit in the living room on the couch, Jimin’s back against the armrest, legs in Taehyung’s lap. It’s relaxing. Taehyung is massaging the man’s muscular calfs.

“Are you sure?” Jimin asks out of the blue.

“Sure about what?” Taehyung asks, running his hand up Jimin’s thigh and stopping just south of the man’s slowly hardening member.

Jimin’s breath hitches, “Are you sure we can’t spend our three days just having sex?”

“Jimin, I’m… one hundred percent certain we could,” Taehyung fingers at the fabric of Jimin’s BigBang boxer briefs, “but we shouldn’t. Although, sex after every non-sex activity isn’t out of the question.”

Jimin smiles, throwing a grape into his mouth.

“Breakfast. Breakfast was a non-sex activity.” He wiggles his eyebrow and giggles.

“You are absolutely correct,” Taehyung says as he pulls the man down until he’s flat on his back. “I think we should work off all those calories, don’t you?”  
Jimin’s laughter fills the room.

Twelve hours have already past, but they pretend they don’t know, like it doesn’t matter.

Today is not the day to say goodbye.

 

 

********A/N********

Come visit me [here](lulublu1014.tumblr.com). Let's chat. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm making it my life's goal to say goodbye to everyone this way... lol


	22. GOODBYES PART II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jungkook and Namjoon begin their goodbyes.

“If the police come bursting through the door, just act natural, okay?” Namjoon declares as Jungkook walks into the office. Guilt is curdling in his gut after his very intimate moment with Taehyung in the garage, and he wonders if maybe he should be arrested for the crime he is about to commit against Namjoon.

“Police?”

“Well, you were gone so long I began to worry you may have been kidnapped. So, you know, cops.”

“Hyung, it’s been twenty minutes. Also, I’m highly offended. My disappearance should at least warrant the national guard or the CIA.” Jungkook pushes down the little voice calling him evil, telling him he should be bowing to the tall man with the deep dimples and asking for forgiveness.

“Not for twenty minutes. They get called after at least twenty-five; don’t wanna seem too desperate.” Namjoon words are humorous, the witty sarcasm that Jungkook has grown accustomed to, but the tone, Namjoon’s tone, well, something was off.

“Ahh, smart. Very smart. Don’t want the law thinking you’re crazy.” Jungkook pulls his laptop out of the case and takes a seat on the loveseat in Namjoon’s office. “Hyung, have I told you how much I love this chair? Because I do.”

“Yeah, Taehyung purchased it after he found me asleep at my desk a couple times.” Again with the tone.

“Ahh, that’s nice. My manager would just wake me up and tell me to write more if he found me asleep. Min Yoongi is not known for his gentle healing touch.” Jungkook smiles fondly as images of the tiny man with the gruff personality flitter about his mind.

“I remember your manager. He seems very faithful,” Namjoon says, and for reasons that Jungkook will later identify as a guilt-ridden conscience, the word  _ faithful  _ feels like a jab in the gut.

“Mmm, he is. Grumpy and sarcastic but he’s always there when I need him.” It’s true. Apart from Namjoon, Yoongi has been the one constant in his life, a beacon in the dark pointing him home.

“So, what’cha writing?” Namjoon changes the topic, and Jungkook feels a sense of ease.

“Not writing as much as making corrections suggested by my editor. This story is very personal. It’s my story.” He’s not sure why he’s telling Namjoon, maybe it’s his way of confessing, of letting Namjoon know: here is something that will explain  _ why I had to break your heart _ . “It’s all the pain I hid inside that lead me down the dark path, that would undoubtedly have led to my destruction. A death that you helped to save me from, hyung.”

There’s a moment, a split-second, a fraction of time where the world stops, and he sees something in Namjoon’s eyes,  _ something _ ,  _ something _ , but it’s gone before he can grasp its meaning. Later he will wish that he had been quicker, more observant, but for now he lets the moment pass.

“So what you’re saying is I’m a character in your book?”

“Mmm.”

“I hope I have a cool character name like Dirk or Chance.”

“Nope, I named you Bob.” Jungkook bites back his laughter.

“Bob? Bob? I pull you from the depths of hell and you name me Bob?”

“What? Bob’s a perfectly fine name, and easy to spell.”

“You do realize it’s just one O away from being boob.” Namjoon deadpans, and this time Jungkook’s laughter escapes.

“Should I rename you to Boob, then?” Jungkook asks with a serious tone.

“I would scoff, but I have a feeling that more protesting may get me a name change. I don’t want to be the boob that saved you.” Again with that tone that leaves Jungkook feeling like there is more the man wants to say.

“Hyung, you are a hero to me. There are many things I want to say to you, share with you. So much of my soul was dark, dirty, and broken the day you walked into my life. I’d never name you Bob, much less boob. I named you Namjoon because I want people to know your real name.”

Namjoon’s eyes soften. The brown orbs are pools that Jungkook has swam in on more than one occasion, and he cries a little inside knowing that this may be his last dip. A burning ache like sulfuric acid eating through his flesh starts at the realization that he’ll more than likely lose Namjoon once the man learns the truth, once Namjoon sees that Jungkook has been living a lie, pretending to love him when he’s known all along his heart belongs to another.

“Hyung, let’s spend the next three days together doing all the cheesy things couples do in dramas. Like amusement parks and walking the Han River and going to each other’s favorite places. It has occurred to me that there’s a lot I don’t know about you, and even more that you don’t know about me.”

Jungkook hadn’t planned on applying Taehyung’s seventy-two-hour plan. His intention had been to tell Namjoon when he returned to the office, the old rip the band-aid off approach. When he walked inside and saw the man... he couldn’t, he just  _ couldn’t _ . Namjoon had been his sole lighthouse in the storms of life, shining brightly, leading him to safety and shelter. The blonde-dimpled man saw beyond Jungkook’s blackness and pain to find the boy hiding beneath it all, then extended a hand. Namjoon deserves more, he deserves all the things that Jungkook has never been able to fully give him. Namjoon deserves a proper goodbye, one that doesn’t leave him with regrets.

“Sounds like fun,” Namjoon replies, and yet again Jungkook feels like something is not quite right.

They work in silence from then, and it’s peaceful and nice and normal, and Jungkook refuses too think about the fact that this will all be coming to an end.

 

**Hours 1-12**

“Oh my god!” Jungkook can’t stop laughing. He should be sympathetic, but it was all so funny, too funny, much too funny to not laugh.

“It’s not funny,” Namjoon gargles, body hunched over the sink, washing the remains of vomit from his mouth.

“Hyung you projectile vomited while on a ride called The Puke-a-nator. You don’t see the humor here? I swear when the green glop went flying through the air backwards it was just like a scene from the Exorcist.”

“Seriously, that ride is a menace to society and should be disassembled. Also, really not funny,” Namjoon says, finally standing upright.

“Pretty certain that’s what the guy behind you said.” Jungkook is laughing again.

“Oh my god, I’m so embarrassed. I just threw up in a public place and on _ people _ , actual people.” Namjoon smacks a hand to his forehead. Jungkook wants to comfort the man, he does, but the giggling makes it hard to seem sincere.

“Hyung, I will never forget this day for as long as I live.”

“You are an evil brat. When did you become an evil brat?” Namjoon pouts, and Jungkook laughs harder.

“You’re so cute when you pout, hyung. Also, I’ve always been a brat. Evil though I shall not be accepting.” Even if he is, evil.

“I will be referring to you as The Evil for the next hour... or however long it takes to get this horrible acidic taste out of my mouth,” Namjoon declares.

“Hey, I didn’t force you to ride. I merely suggested it. You made a conscious choice,” Jungkook points out.

“When did you become a lawyer?” Namjoon looks at him, and Jungkook almost, _ almost  _ comments on the tint of green that still colors the man’s features.

“Just stating facts, hyung. Let’s get you something to drink to wash out the taste.”

They walk the streets of the amusement park until they stumble upon a shaved ice vendor. Jungkook gets blueberry while Namjoon gets strawberry, and the stroll reminds Jungkook of a teen flick he’d once seen when his eldest brother went through an eighties phase.

“Is blueberry your favorite flavor?” Namjoon’s deep voice breaks through his memories.

“Mmm. It’s one of the few good memories I have of my childhood.” The words sting as they fall from his lips.

It’s a bitter-sweet story, Jungkook’s life. He’s the heir to a fortune that he’s run away from.

“Blueberry ice pops?” Namjoon arches his brow, and Jungkook fights the urge to reach out and touch.

“There was a food mart on the corner of the street I grew up on. My brother would always stop there and buy blueberry push-pops on the way home. After dinner we’d cuddle up on the couch,  turn on Anime, and see who got brain freeze first.”

“Your brother sounds really great,” Namjoon says thoughtfully.

“He was.” It still hurts to this day, so many years later.

“Was?” He can hear the realization as it dawns on Namjoon.

“There was an accident when I was twelve, I lived, but…he died.” He doesn’t want to talk anymore. It was the day that changed everything... him, his family, and his life.

“Sorry,” Namjoon almost whispers. “Wanna try the strawberry?”

The subject change is sudden and one of a very long list of reasons he wants to end his relationship with Namjoon in a way that keeps the man in his life indefinitely. He may be an author, but Namjoon reads him like a book. It’s been like this since day one. The tall blonde has always known just how far to push Jungkook without breaking him, and he’s not sure even Taehyung will be able to do that _. He won’t, he can’t lose Namjoon. _

 

**Hours 12-24**

“Morning.” Namjoon’s voice is husky, deeper and richer than its usual dark tone, and Jungkook can’t hide how much he likes the sound.

He curls into the man, snuggling and nestling into Namjoon’s chest, enjoying the warmth and familiarity that he always finds there.  Flinging a leg over Namjoon’s he pushes himself as much as he can into the man’s long, lean body, eliminating any space that had been between them. His lips trail tiny kisses along the contour of Namjoon’s neck, and the way the man trembles against him has lit the fire of desire inside Jungkook. It should be put out, should be squelched; he shouldn’t be adding his tongue following the path his lips just took, shouldn’t be slipping a hand under Namjoon’s shirt to caress the warm, soft skin he finds there. He shouldn’t, he just shouldn’t, but…he can’t stop.

“Jung… god, kook... we--”

He likes stealing Namjoon’s words. The man is eloquent when he speaks, stringing along phrases and statements that Jungkook finds himself holding on to for later use in his writing. He likes stealing Namjoon’s words, and it’s not a game as much as an affirmation that he’s the only one with the power to do so. He likes stealing Namjoon’s words, pulling them from thick, full lips and swallowing them between his thin ones. He likes when all Namjoon is left with is his name, and he loves when the man screams it over and over again, as though it’s all he needs to live.

When the last remnant of clothing falls to the ground uncaringly, Jungkook pushes into the heat of Namjoon’s body. His legs are wrapped around the elder man’s waist, and he’s arching, driving, drifting like a leaf in the wind, enjoying the fullness of Namjoon inside him. The dance is always beautiful. The rhythm starts out slow and picks up pace, and as they find their place of euphoria Namjoon’s movements become wild, fast, hard as he  _ pounds, and pounds, and pounds _ into Jungkook. 

He hiccups as he cums, the sweat dripping down his neck doesn’t last long as Namjoon’s tongue is there to lap it up. He breathes the man in, holding him tight. Namjoon whispers words of comfort, he always does after sex, after taking. He always gives back. Guilt is pushing hard, and tears fall without Jungkook’s permission. He shouldn’t have started this, shouldn’t have given in, shouldn’t have let Namjoon fuck him, but…he wanted it, needed it, and would (and probably will) do it again.

Namjoon has fallen back to sleep, and Jungkook’s in no hurry to move or get up. Sex is great, but intimate moments just cozied up in your lover’s arms... those have always been, will always be his favorite. He listens to Namjoon’s even breathing and realizes he won’t get to hear this sound anymore, won’t be able to feel this warmth anymore. Maybe it was because he was so caught up in himself, in his pain, in the realization that he loved Taehyung. Perhaps that’s why he hadn’t noticed, couldn’t see that… he loves Namjoon too.

 

A/N **********

Sooo, come yell at me [here](lulublu1014.tumblr.com), in love of course.


	23. I Can Fall Or I Can Fly Here In Your Airplane

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taehyung and Jungkook find their way back to each other, and realized something is still missing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story, has been both amazing and painful to write. I can't believe it's over. Thank you to everyone that took the time to read and subscribe and comment. I am so blessed and humbled by your love. 
> 
> Also, thank you to Bug, for editing and always making what I write better. I love you bunches. There was a playlist for this chapter, but technology hates me, and the link won't load. If I can get it to work, I'll post it later. The title is taken from Ed Sheeran's, Dive (such and amazing song).
> 
> Happy Reading,  
> Lulu

The door chimes for the fourth time, and Jimin looks up. His eyes widen when he sees the tall blonde walk in. Namjoon looks around nervously, and Jimin contemplates whether to wave or pretend he doesn’t see the other. Their eyes lock; _too late_. Jimin waves, and it’s awkward. Namjoon looks equally shocked to see him sitting at the table, and he wonders if Taehyung or perhaps Jungkook had sent Namjoon a text about meeting as well.

Jimin hadn’t expected to hear from Taehyung after they separated. Yes, they were still friends, but Jimin had requested some distance. He needed to heal, to get his head in a place where he would be okay with _just_ being friends. Honestly, he’s unsure if that will ever come. While the lines between him and Taehyung haven’t changed, they love each other, always will in Jimin’s estimation. However, the space between them has widened, and the gap (again in Jimin’s estimation) is unsurpassable. He’s been seriously considering a transfer to the Japan branch, but the thought of not seeing Taehyung causes his lungs to constrict. He wonders when Taehyung became his air. He partially hates himself for letting things like his feelings and his life get so out of hand.

When the text came, he stared at it for a long while, not the actual message but Taehyung’s name flashing on the screen of his phone after what felt like a hundred years. It took him several hours to work up the courage to swipe the screen, fear seizing him the moment he saw who the message was from. What if the message is to tell him that Taehyung wanted to sever their years of friendship? Worse yet, what if it was Taehyung telling him how happy he is?

He runs his finger across the phone screen.

 

_**From: Taetae** _

_Can we meet?_

_At the café by the office, on Saturday at three?_

_Don’t respond._

_Just show up, or don’t._

_But I hope you do._

_I miss you Jimin_

 

That message is why Jimin shows up at two-thirty and is already two cups of black coffee in when the bell rings and Namjoon walks through the door.

“Hi,” Namjoon mumbles, and JImin smiles. “Can I join you?” Jimin nods.

“Did you get a text message, as well?” His curiosity gets the better of him.

Namjoon nods.

“Yes, from Jungkook. I’m assuming your message was from Taehyung.” Namjoon’s voice is thick and hard as it curls around the CEO’s name. Jimin understands the reason for the pain better than anyone; he doesn’t hold the tone against Namjoon.

“Mmm,” he replies.

“I wonder what they want?” Namjoon questions. Jimin doesn’t answer.

He only shrugs in the response. They sit quietly, each trying their best to not stare at one another. Their eyes play a weird game of look-at-everything-but-each-other, and if there were such a thing as a picture dictionary, Jimin’s positive a snapshot of this moment would be sitting next to the word uncomfortable. The café is quaint. Jimin and Taehyung found it several years back. They’ve held several important business meetings at the very table where he and Namjoon are now sitting. In fact, it was this very spot where they had they first official sit down with Namjoon and Hoseok.

“I remember when Hoseok and I made our pitch to you and Taehyung,” Namjoon says suddenly, as though reading Jimin’s mind.

“I was just thinking about that,” Jimin smiles as he responds. “You were both so nervous. You looked so stoic and so serious, and Hoseok just rambled on without taking a breath. I was worried he was going to pass out from a lack of oxygen.”

Namjoon laughs, and it’s hearty and Jimin wonders if it’s the man’s first real laugh since the split. He shakes the random thought from his brain. Unlike him, Namjoon was smart enough to not fall in love with his best friend. He sighs.

“Wow, that’s quite the sigh you let go there,” Namjoon points out.

“Sorry, just restless.” Jimin looks at Namjoon. He sees understanding in the man’s eyes, and he’s grateful for not having to expound on his feelings.

“I feel ya. I wish we could just get this over with, you know?”

Jimin nods. Suddenly Jimin has a thought, and god he hopes he’s wrong. He looks up at Namjoon slowly.

“You, you don’t…uhm, you don’t think, this, this…is a setup, do you?” His stomach curls at the thought.

As Namjoon opens his mouth to reply, the door chimes once again. Jimin looks up, and Namjoon turns in the direction of the sound. Jungkook and Taehyung walk in, and Jimin feels relief flood him.

“Oh, okay.” Jimin just needs to hear his voice, make sure it’s still there, still working because Taehyung looks happy and nervous, but mostly happy, and he wishes he never swiped the screen.

 

 

Jungkook takes a deep breath before opening the door. Instinctively, he looks over to the booth; _they’re here_. He’s happy, worried, and scared his stomach’s twitching with anxiety. He feels jittery, as though he’s a live wire and his body is buzzing. He sneaks a peek to his left, looking at Taehyung, and he should feel jealous about the way the man’s eyes light up at the sight of Jimin, but he doesn’t. Taehyung’s just as scared as he is, judging the by the vice like grip the older man has in his hand.

“It’s okay, hyung,” he leans over, whispering in Taehyung’s ear.

“I love you,” the man returns the whisper. Jungkook knows his eyes are stupidly shining and that the smile on his face is derpy and goofy, but he doesn’t give a fuck.

He takes another breath.

“Are you ready?” He gives Taehyung’s hand a squeeze.

“As ready as I’ll ever be.”

They walk to the table on shaky legs, each praying that the two men at the table won’t think they’re crazy, hoping against hope that what they’re about to ask will be received favorably.

 

 

**SOME TIME PRIOR**

They did it. They’ve gotten past all the shit and grime of their past and found their happy ending. Jungkook rolls to his side, a leg swung over Taehyung’s hip; he yawns, stretching lazily, enjoying the way the movement causes Taehyung’s chest to press further into his.

“Morning, sunshine,” Taehyung’s breath wisps across his neck.

“You’re awake?” He asks somewhat surprised. Taehyung normally has to be coaxed awake.

“Mmm. You’re soft and warm in the morning, do you know that?” The words are rough and coarse, the dregs of sleep still clinging to Taehyung’s tone, dropping the man’s already deep voice several octaves lower.

“God, your morning voice is sexy as fuck, did you know that?” Jungkook counters with a fact of his own.

Taehyung chuckles, and the sound tickles Jungkook’s core. It feels like home. He smiles as he realizes it’s all his, the laughs, the smiles, the morning voice, and Taehyung are all his. Leaning over, he places a kiss on the top of Taehyung’s head. It’s chaste and innocent, and it feels like the first time.

“You can do better than that,” Taehyung challenges.

“Mmm, I can, but that would require both us to get up and brush our teeth. Morning breath is gross, hyung. Also, I like this; I don’t want to move just yet.”

“Who says the kiss has to be on the lips?” He can’t see Taehyung’s face in their current position, with the man pressed into his chest, but he’s pretty certain Taehyung’s waggling his eyebrow.

“I know I didn’t.” Jungkook giggles when Taehyung playfully bites him just below his clavicle.

“Well, then…” Taehyung speaks into his skin, and Jungkook feels conscious thought evaporating like the steam off of heating water.

Warm fingers grip his waist, and Jungkook instantly surrenders. It’s habit now, giving into the slightest of Taehyung’s touches. The tips of Taehyung slender digits are digging into his flesh, and it’s delicious, the mixture of barely there pain and anticipation. He groans when Taehyung pulls him closer, and he’s embarrassed because nothing’s happened, nothing except for the strong, firm, purposeful movement of hands pressing deeper into hips, causing him to buck forward instinctively. Nothing’s happened, nothing except for Taehyung’s lips mouthing along the curve of his neck, _in that spot_ , the secret one that seems to be Jungkook’s undoing, creating a trail of goosebumps that leave him shivering but not from being cold. Nothing’s happening, nothing except for Taehyung slowly taking him apart like a puzzle, removing pieces at random and tossing them in a pile, set aside for later when Taehyung chooses to put him back together again.

Jungkook’s swimming, floating in the ether—anchored to the earth, to the here and now by each press of Taehyung’s mouth to his skin.  Dark matter swirls around Jungkook’s mind, above his head like a cartoon, creating atoms that translate into stars, solar systems, and galaxies that make up the universe that is Kim Taehyung’s body crushed against his. The cosmos he’s lost in is vast and untamed, and Jungkook hopes to explore it for all eternity. He wants to find all the unknown planets hidden inside of Taehyung’s flesh.

 _Shit_ , his mind screams when teeth drag along his skin, and Jungkook feels like an atomic bomb, on the verge of exploding. He arches off the mattress, body curling, keening, begging wordlessly for more as a warm wet tongue licks lazily along his hip bone.

“Hyung,” it’s a moan, a whimper, and a cry all in one, and it sounds inhuman.

Taehyung hums, and Jungkook shudders as Taehyung’s mouth continues its slow journey down his body. Jungkook stills in anticipation as thin lips press into his left thigh, but the pulse of Taehyung’s growing erection against his right calf has him moving again, rolling his hips, trying but failing to create friction, and the emptiness has tears pooling at the corner of his eyes.

“Please, please, _please_ ,” Jungkook begs shamelessly as his hands comb through Taehyung’s hair, pushing his head in the direction Jungkook needs Taehyung’s lips the most.

He almost whines when Taehyung swats his hands aways, tuts, and angles his body, pinning Jungkook securely beneath him, limiting his mobility, and it’s the best and worst thing that could have happened.

“Why?” Jungkook cries, squirming against Taehyung body.

“Patience, Guk. We have seven long years to make up for; I don’t want to rush it,” Taehyung responds as he secures Jungkook’s hands his sides.

Taehyung’s lips are hovering just above his crotch, and all that has to happen, _all that has to happen_ , for Jungkook to finally get some form of release is for Taehyung to lower his head just two, maybe four inches; _it’s all that has to happen_.

Jungkook’s watching Taehyung like a hawk, like a private eye stalking a cheating ex. He sees the smirk as it slowly makes its away across Taehyung’s lips, and he wants to slap it off the man’s face. Okay, maybe kiss it... yeah, kiss it off. The next moments play out in slow motion, like an action sequence in a movie. Jungkook’s eyes widen taking it all in. He notices the wink Taehyung gives him as he lowers his head and the way Taehyung’s lips part like the red sea as they descends further down.

Approximately five billion years pass before Jungkook feels Taehyung’s breath fan against the head of his throbbing cock. Settling between his legs, Taehyung finally lets go of his arms in favor of pushing his thighs apart, and Jungkook whimpers in anticipation. His brain hiccups when Taehyung’s wet, warm tongue licks a strip from the base of his dick to the tip. All thoughts leave his mind as Taehyung’s mouth wraps around the head of his length, tongue sloppily lapping up the precum accumulated at the tip. Jungkook jerks forward uncontrollably, mind hazy as hot, hot pleasure burns brightly in his gut.

“Okay, shit, okay, okay,” he cries out to no one in a vain attempt to steady the wave of need crashing into him like angry waves against a shore. “Taehyu—shit, shit, ahhh, gaaahhh.”

It breaks, Jungkook’s brain, it finally breaks when Taehyung takes him in deeper, coating his cock with saliva, and it’s good, it’s magnificent. He wants to say as much, wants to let Taehyung know, but when he opens his mouth what comes out isn’t words. Instead, a string of unintelligible, nonsensical sounds tumble from his lips as though needing to escape. With each suck and pull of Taehyung’s magical lips against his length the sounds grow louder and wilder, and Jungkook thinks he might actually be going crazy.

Taehyung pulls up to the tip, and Jungkook scrambles, sitting up, worried that the man’s about to pull off completely. However, when Taehyung drops back down, hollowing his cheeks, tongue pushed flush against the back of his dick, Jungkook falls hard against the mattress, having lost all control of his limbs.

A groan rips through his body, and he jerks hard, unwittingly pushing himself further into the warm cavern of Taehyung’s hot, hot, hot mouth. When the head of his cock hits the back of Taehyung’s throat causing the man to swallow to keep from choking, Jungkook finally breaks.

“Hyung, fu-uck, I’m, God, God, oh God…”

He can’t keep still; he can’t. His fingers drag through Taehyung’s hair, holding the man in place because he just needs, he just needs… He feels Taehyung go limp, relaxing, giving him permission, and he takes the opening and fucks into the warm, wet mouth. Each small tilt of his hips brings him closer to the edge until he can’t hold on any longer. One final, stilted thrust, finds him screaming Taehyung’s name like it’s his lifeline as he cums hard down the man’s throat. Taehyung does choke, and he pulls off of Jungkook’s cock, coughing and spitting the bitter substance out.

Taehyung sits back on his knees and swipes a hand across his mouth, wiping at the gunk on his lips. The sight shouldn’t be as beautiful as it is. Taehyung’s lips are red and swollen, a mixture of saliva and cum sticks to the sides of his mouth, and his sweat-drenched bangs are matted to his forehead. Jungkook’s too blissed out to even consider sitting up. Instead, he reaches up, grabs Taehyung arm, and pulls the man down. Taehyung lands against his chest with a thud, and Jungkook wastes no time crashing their lips together. He licks along the corners of Taehyung’s mouth, cleaning off the mixture, and it should be weird, tasting yourself on someone else, but it isn’t.

“I taste good on you,” he speaks into Taehyung’s mouth.

“I thought you said we had to brush our teeth before kissing.” Taehyung’s voice is hoarse and rough.

“Cum’s just as good as toothpaste, hyung.”

“Ewww, and now I want to brush my teeth.”

Jungkook laughs and lets Taehyung drag him up from the bed.

They’re happy; life’s good. But something is missing, and they know what it is.

 

 

**ONE WEEK PRIOR TO COFFEE SHOP**

“You sure you’re okay with this?” Taehyung doesn’t look convinced, and Jungkook smiles at how cute the older man looks when he’s worried.

“Hyung, we’ve discussed this at length, and we both agreed. Stop worrying about me, about us. This is what we both want,” Jungkook reminds him.

“I know, but it’s a big step, you know. Also, if we do this... if we do this, it changes everything.” Taehyung takes his hands and laces their fingers together. “I love you, and I just got you back. I don’t want to mess it up.”

“You won’t; we won’t. Look. You feel it too, right? We’re happy and in love, but hyung, we both know a part of ourselves is missing. I lived seven years broken and incomplete. I don’t want to live seven more that way. I don’t want you to live that way. I don’t want them to live that way.” He leans forward to place a chaste kiss on Taehyung’s forehead.

“I know, I know. I want this too. I’m just scared that it will hurt you or hurt them,” Taehyung laments as he runs a hand through his soft hair, and Jungkook can’t help but be a bit mesmerized by the way the strands all fall back into place.

“It won’t. I promise. I can’t explain how I know, but this... it’s the right choice. We are making the right choice.”

He firmly believes what he’s saying. Life is beautiful. Being in Taehyung’s world is everything he knew it would be and more. His writing is going great, and he just signed a new contract to start working on new material. When he looks at himself through Taehyung’s eyes, he sees his self-worth and his value, and he knows he’s loved. Even in the midst of all the bliss and joy he’s experiencing, Jungkook is very aware that something is missing.

At first, he thought it was just him, so it took him a while to open up to Taehyung. They had made a promise to always be honest about their feelings. He wasn’t all that surprised when he learned that Taehyung was feeling the same way. It took some probing for them to get to the cause, but when they did, it came in the form of something as simple as Taehyung’s voicing how much he missed Jimin and Jungkook mirroring the statement, only with Namjoon’s name.

“Send the text, hyung,” he encourages.

He watches as Taehyung’s fingers move along the keyboard.          

“Done,” Taehyung chokes out as he falls to the chair. “Now what?”

“Now, now we go get back what we lost.”

“Yeah?” Taehyung looks doubtful, “Do you really think it’ll be that simple?”

“Yeah.” Jungkook curls a finger in through the loops of Taehyung’s waistband and pulls him close.

“Yes, I believe it’s that’s simple. Seven years ago, had I been brave enough…”

“Had we, had we been brave enough,” Taehyung corrects him.

“Had we been brave enough, life would have been so different. Let’s not be fearful anymore, okay? Whatever happens, we face it together.” Another byproduct of being in Taehyung’s world: Jungkook’s no longer afraid of the future. “Thank you for waiting for me. Thank you for taking me back.”

Taehyung kisses him. Jungkook sighs contentedly into Taehyung’s mouth and swings a leg over the man’s thighs, straddling him. A hand on the back of his neck holds him in place as Taehyung deepens the contact, slipping his tongue between Jungkook’s parted lips. He surrenders without any fight for dominance, like he always does. He likes when Taehyung takes charge.

“I love you so much,” Taehyung whispers against his lips.

“I love you too.”

What they have now is beautiful, but it’s not complete, not yet.

 

 

**COFFEE SHOP**

“You want us to do what?” Jimin thinks maybe he’s heard incorrectly.

“I, uhm, we-” Taehyung takes a deep breath, and Jimin feels somewhat guilty for making the man repeat himself, “we want to continue our relationships with you both.” Jimin looks at Jungkook as Taehyung speaks. The younger man is nodding his head, eyes bright and staring at Namjoon, who has yet to look at the younger man.

“I... I-I heard that. I guess what I’m asking is, what do you mean? Are you two breaking up?” From Jimin’s point of view, both Taehyung and Jungkook seem as in love as ever, so this makes no sense.

“Look,” Jungkook starts, “I know it seems crazy; I get that, but Taehyung loves you Jimin. Not having you around makes him feel incomplete. And I... I love you Namjoon. I just do, and I can’t not have you in my life. But we love each other too.” Jungkook pauses, and Jimin takes a moment to study Namjoon who finally looks in Jungkook’s direction. “I lived seven years feeling empty, like a part of myself was missing. When you came into my life, hyung, you never tried to change me or fix me, you just accepted me and loved me through it all. I thought all I needed was Taehyung, and I do need him, but I need you too. Does that make sense?”

“So, you want us to have a foursome type relationship?” Namjoon sounds confused.

“No, it’s not what I’m asking, but if it’s something you and Jimin want, we wouldn’t be opposed to it. What we want is more of an open relationship between you and me and Taehyung--”

“And a relationship between you, Jungkook, and me,” Taehyung cuts Jungkook off, directing his answer to Jimin.

“So we share you two?” Jimin’s head is spinning.

“Yes,” Taehyung answers, his voice hoarse, and Jimin can feel the worry rolling off the man. On pure instinct, he reaches over and grabs Taehyung’s hand. He realizes what he’s done and is about to let go, but Taehyung laces their fingers together, holding him in place. “I miss you Jimin, and not just what you do, but I miss you. Your smile, the sound of your voice, just... all of you.”

“I miss you too.” His reply is soft, almost a whisper. There’s a part of him that’s afraid to admit it.

He does miss Taehyung; every day he misses him. Jimin sneaks a peek in Namjoon’s direction, and he knows that man is feeling the same way he’s feeling. It’s like sitting by the tree at Christmas and being given the gift you want, the one that you’ve been begging for, yearning for all year long, then hearing that it’s not just yours and that you have to share it. Truthfully, he’s not sure he can, and the look on Namjoon’s face says the same. Jimin takes a deep breath before opening his mouth again.

“I love Tae, I do. And God, yes, I miss you, so badly it hurts to breathe. But I’m not sure I can do that. I’m not sure I’m strong enough. But I also know I can’t just walk away. So, I’m asking for some time to think about it, not just for me, but for Namjoon as well.” He sees the blonde look at him from his peripheral vision. “We’ve had a lot taken from us, and I think Namjoon and I need to talk as well and make a decision about what we both want. Don’t you agree?” He turns to look at Namjoon.

“Y-yes,” the blonde stutters out.

“That’s fair,” Jungkook replies quickly. “It’s not a no, and I know we’re asking a lot of you. So please, take all the time you need.”

Jimin smiles, and it feels like the first time in months that it doesn’t feel weighted, heavy, or burdened. Taehyung misses him, feels incomplete without him, and somehow it feels like enough.

“Thank you,” he responds to Jungkook and then turns to face Namjoon once again. “Do you have anything to add?’

“No, you said exactly what I was thinking. I want to be with you Jungkook, I do. But when I walked away, it was because I genuinely believed Taehyung was who was in your heart, and I didn’t want to get in the way of that. I’m scared that if this doesn’t workout, Jimin and I will be ones left hurt and broken, and, and I guess what we have to decide is whether that potential pain would be worth it.” Namjoon runs a hand through his hair. “Thank you for missing me; I can’t explain how much it means to know that I wasn't just a place marker until you found Taehyung again. I promise I really will give this proposition real consideration.”

Jungkook smiles, beams actually, and Jimin can see hope in the younger man’s smile.

Namjoon gets up and extends a hand towards Jimin. He looks down at where his fingers are locked with Taehyung’s and slowly untangles his hand.

“Thank you both for this. For giving us a way back to you.” He leans over and kisses Taehyung on the cheek, then leans over the table to give Jungkook’s hand a firm squeeze. He then gets up and takes Namjoon’s hand.

As they exit the café, Jimin looks up at Namjoon.

“Thank you for what you did in there.” The blonde looks down at him. “My mind was so jumbled, thank you for thinking about me as well.”

“Hyung, we’re in this together now, same boat and all. There’s such a big part of me that wants to say yes, like immediately. But another part of me, that worries if I can do it,” he replies honestly.

“Same. We don’t have to make that decision today, though.” Namjoon smiles, “It’s a beautiful day outside. Hoseok and I were going to hang out downtown, wanna come?”

Jimin contemplates saying no at first, but Namjoon was right; it was a beautiful day, and they didn’t need to make a decision today.

“Yes. That sounds lovely, to be honest.”

 

 

**THREE YEARS LATER**

“Hyung, have you seen my gray sweatshirt?” Jungkook tumbles into the kitchen, glossy-eyed and hair in every direction, having just woken up from a nap.

“Uhm, I think so. Ahh, did you look in the hamper in the laundry room?” He turns his head slightly as Jungkook comes to stand behind him, resting his chin on his shoulder and snaking long arms around his waist. “Mmm, you’re so warm,” he tells the younger man

“And you’re so tiny. Do you think you’ll grow more, hyung?” Jungkook chuckles in his ear.

“Yah, brat, I’m still older than you.” Jimin tries pushing Jungkook off but fails.

“Not letting go yet, you’re too comfortable.” Jungkook still sounds sleepy.

Jimin turns in Jungkook’s arms so they’re facing each other. He leans in and kisses the tip of Jungkook’s nose.

“Go look for your sweatshirt, then let Namjoon hyung and Taehyung know dinner’s almost ready.”

Jungkook sighs, and pouts, then kisses Jimin squarely on the mouth before walking away.

It had taken a while for them to get to this point. The first few months after Namjoon and Jimin agreed to a trial relationship had been rough. There had been moments of jealousy and misunderstanding and a few times where Jimin had thought about walking away. He’s glad he didn’t. What they have has no name, they can’t be labeled, there’s no definition that properly describes what the four of them have. All Jimin knows it that it works. All Jimin knows is that they have each other and that they love each other.  
 

And it’s enough.

 

 

-FIN-

 

 

 

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Hey there, come closer, no worries I don't bite...unless you ask me to. 

So, come visit me on [Tumblr](lulublu1014.tumblr.com) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/lsgrlr).


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